Lost Best Friend by Blowing Him

[Camfer]

It might be fruitful to explore why you are mad at him, when many guys in your situation would be mad at themselves for their poor decisions.

You're not looking for advice, but a long handwritten heartfelt letter where you come clean on everything, honoring his need to take a break from you, might be a gracious gesture. People can forgive a lot.

[Sherbil]

I'm not sure why you came here to ask for advice if you were going to disregard what almost everybody agreed on, which is that he sent clear signals about boundaries and then you guys got drunk and you pushed the line. You did take advantage of him, whether you will admit that to yourself or not. The fact that you don't see it that way is just further ammo for us (or at least me) to believe he should cut you out and never speak to you again. You don't seem at all remorseful for taking advantage or the negative feelings you've caused, just wary that you need to be more careful when you do it next time, plus mad that he cut you off for it. It's honestly creepy.

[LJay]

I think Camfer has a good idea, though I would keep the letter short,with less chance to say too much and get yourself in deeper.

[Sylph]

The average human life span is roughly 70years old.

44 is not middle aged, 35 is. But that's purely numbers and fuck numbers Lolol


And an easy way to solve these types of issues:

Don't suck penises that belong to your friends or your friend's close friends.


Infact, if his mama can call you by name and invite you over to dinner;

Chances are, you shouldn't suck his dick.


Otherwise, selectively date/suck/get fucked/what have you at your own discretion and with your best judgement.

[drobs]

Did he know that you are / were gay?

The whole thing is creepy. Instead of doing the chester the molester (using hobbies to attract younger straight men) thing - you really ought to look into some dating apps - Grindr, Adam4Adam, Scruff, Jackd, recon, gay.com.

You would be surprised there are younger gay guys out there looking for older - more mature guys. Sure lots of them are looking for a sugar daddy but it seems you wouldn't mind that.

[BeCool]

It might be fruitful to explore why you are mad at him, when many guys in your situation would be mad at themselves for their poor decisions.

You're not looking for advice, but a long handwritten heartfelt letter where you come clean on everything, honoring his need to take a break from you, might be a gracious gesture. People can forgive a lot.

Oh, I'm not mad at him. Did I say that? Just wondering what his thought processes were. Definitely MAD at myself. Mad at myself for messing up a great thing, and even more for hurting/upsetting him, and possibly doing permanent damage to his ego, psyche, or whatever.

Lesson learned (hopefully I will remember it if I'm ever in that situation again). I'd like to write a letter, but I am trying to respect his request for no contact. I wouldn't really have a way to get it to him privately anyhow.

Thanks for all the comments - most are right on-point. Just needed to hear it from someone besides myself. It's been helpful, and I don't feel nearly as heart-broken as I did a couple weeks ago.

I am rather upset to learn that I am no longer middle-age however! Maybe I should dye my hair gray?

[IndividuellaUni]

I would move on from this - time only moves forward. I have to echo the sentiments expressed in this thread here, and lesson learned: be wary of the signs. Though, a little cognitive dissonance here, if you felt like he was giving you signs (regardless of alcohol intake), and he didn't seem to motion to stop or anything, it's kinda on him too, and maybe you are right in thinking that he is in a "What did I do?!" state of panic, and that's the reason why he disconnected from you.

I'd say give it some time, don't do anything to warrant any further contact until he initiates it. Then talk to him before any semblance of a friendship/relationship can move forward. You both have to be on the same page with each other.

[questioning9]

I am a middle-age guy who is attracted to younger guys (college age). I have met a few over the years, mostly from Craigs-List. I am not out and not very familiar with any gay scene. Not promiscuous, very selective, and frequently celibate for long periods.

I have never needed to ask for outside help with my relationships before. I just found your forum, and here is my first post to any gay internet forum. Not really asking for advice so much, as for insights as to what might have happened.

A few months ago, I met a young man half my age, sort of by accident. We quickly became good friends. Honestly, it felt like I had know him all my life. He said he felt the same way. Platonic friends, but I have to admit I had other plans. Anyhow, it got to where he would come to my place everyday. I have lots of hobbies, and loved learning about all of them. We worked-out together, and he was not shy about us feeling each other's muscles, or hugging each other. It was pretty obvious that he liked me as much as I liked him. I don't mean sexually, but as a brother, friend, uncle. He obviously enjoyed sitting close together and letting me rub his back, hair, and leg. He did say a few times that this was all OK, but told me not to grab his package. Fine - I was in it for the long haul.

I love him on so many levels. Best friend I've had in years. he helped me with my lawn and wash car etc. He kept telling me how cool I was.

Anyhow - we went camping in my RV at a big event (like a festival) a few weeks ago. We both had some drinks, and right before bed he started sending clear signals. I gave him a backrub that turned into an ass-rub, that turned into a blow job. I asked if he was OK with it, and he said yes. (in case it's important, he had shaved pubes, a sort of small dick, and could not come even though I tried for a while). SO - we wake up next day.

Right away, things are cold and awkward. No big surprise, thought it would wear off with the hangover. Told me that he was going on vacation for 2 weeks (suspect now that was a complete fabrication). Texted him after a week and he said he would be too busy to visit for a while. Texted him a week later and he said "please don't text me anymore".

I am devastated. I would gladly never have sex with him if we could just be friends again.
I also worry that I did significant damage to his mind (psyche, ego, whatever). I'm fairly sure that he never did anything with a guy before. Even though he talked about girls, I suspect he actually could have been a complete virgin.

So - I don't really need advice. The damage is done. I just want insight as to what his thought process was/is. I already feel bad about loosing my friend, and now I feel guilty of possibly screwing him up bad.

This is so heartbreaking, but the truth is, i dont think you should have given him a blowjob in teh first place. Fellatio is disgusting to me, no offense. I just hate it if someone else had done it to me. I hate oral sex. In fact, I think it's the most perverse form of sex one can have. It's disgusting. Whoever came up with oral sex was very imaginative and stuff. Anyway, I am sorry for your loss. I mean, he's half your age. If I were you, I wouldn't even go near him.

I think he should have told you what he wanted for sex before he shoudl have. I am an open book so usually i would tell peopel what I want and don't want. No, I am not promiscuous. I hate to have sex withs omeoen who isn't mine yet or is married to me. It's disgustingly common among millennials and as a millennial myself, I just hate sex(group, oral, casual, premarital). If I am having sex with a gay male, I want to make sure he is clean and not tainted(deflowered) or has come in contact with someone who is HIV positive. If he did have sex with me, I would still wonder if he had lied to me about his HIV negative condition. Just saying. The stereotype of gays being promiscuous is not far off teh mark. Call me bigoted if you will, but I just want to be safe, wnat a man who has never been tainted before, and make sure that he does not ogle or objectify me in any way and need to be committed. Otherwise, to hell with him.

He should have told you. I don't know what was going through his midn at the time. You should definitely reach out to him. I mean, being the persistent, nagging person that I am, I will try to persist in finding out an explanation. If you don't give me an explanation or anything, I will keep harassing you. Be forthright. i can't read your mind. That's what I would do, but please, do not take my advice because sometimes it can backfire on the idnividual who listens to me. Just my two cents.

You asked if he was okay with it, and he said yes. So I don't see why he should get mad about it. If he didn't want it, he should let you know right away. so the sex was consensual and it was not like it was your fault or his fault. I guess he was just done with you. I don't know.

[questioning9]

You know you did wrong, so there is no point linger on that here. You ask about his mindset, so we can only guess and there might be many answers. For one thing, he is young enough to be your son, so for him perhaps he feels you broke trust with him, he feels betrayed. With alcohol or drugs, people often do things they regret, too. Regret is not something you necessarily get over in a day or when the hangover passed, as is obviously his case. Another guess is that he feels deeply hurt, not only by you, but because he did something that is not in his nature to do, meaning sex with a guy.
It could be shame, too. Again, it is really too many possibilities to know for sure.
I know you don't want advice, but just in case you haven't apologized, then you should send one last text and include the offer of restoring the friendship sometime in the future along with a promise to never molest him again.
Like Genesis said, I wouldn't hold your breath, however.

I agree with you. Send a text back. I mean, I would definitely long for a relationship to be restored. Even if I couldn't restore it, I would hope that you would still be on speaking terms and in case you guys run into each other that you guys still say hi or something. I feel bad for making it all awkward or even being hated or resented by him. i hate making enemies and I love staying in relationships and if not, be on good terms.

He's a grown man, about 40 and this guy is in his early or mid 20s so he's not really an adult. Therefore, I feel that he shouldn't have dated him in the first place. I would not date someone that young. Just saying.

[questioning9]

Oh, I'm not mad at him. Did I say that? Just wondering what his thought processes were. Definitely MAD at myself. Mad at myself for messing up a great thing, and even more for hurting/upsetting him, and possibly doing permanent damage to his ego, psyche, or whatever.

Lesson learned (hopefully I will remember it if I'm ever in that situation again). I'd like to write a letter, but I am trying to respect his request for no contact. I wouldn't really have a way to get it to him privately anyhow.

Thanks for all the comments - most are right on-point. Just needed to hear it from someone besides myself. It's been helpful, and I don't feel nearly as heart-broken as I did a couple weeks ago.

I am rather upset to learn that I am no longer middle-age however! Maybe I should dye my hair gray?

Was the last sentence a joke? LOL.

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. You should wait a while and then contact him. He can't stay mad at you forever. It's not like you had done something major in his life that would make him hate you forever. He will get over it. I am sure.