Hello folks

[jmccoll15]

I am middle aged, in a monogamous heterosexual relationship, and terminally curious. In fact, I would almost describe myself as "seasonally gay." Or, a late bloomer to a "virtually gay" sexuality. You see, I have been married to a woman whom I actually still love dearly for over 25 years, and have fathered two children, now adults. Maybe this is my odd version of a "midlife crisis" but at this stage of my life, the ONLY sex I think about and fantasize about is sex with another man. I can almost feel it, although I have never actually experienced it. I have always been curious about how it would feel, what it would be like to suck another man's cock, or to be penetrated anally by another man, but I have never acted on it before. I have come close, mostly in my single years, but have never crossed the line. I have found myself hotly attracted to other men, which has made me quite uncomfortable... but now I am beginning to be able to just "roll with it" when it happens.

I live in the south, in a small city where there is a gay population, but still quite conservative and Bible belt-ish, so the opportunity is not exactly there. Plus, I don't really relish putting my wife through it all... so I remain in my comfy surroundings and masturbate a lot while dreaming of sucking a nice cock or having my ass made love to by some gentle, loving gay soul. So I don't know what kind of intro this really is, but here it is... anybody have any advice??

[VirgoMasquerade]

Hello! Welcome

[CellarDweller]

welcome to the forum

[TwisttheLeaf]

Hey man! Welcome to GS.

Are you -also- attracted to women? Or is it only men?

It sounds like you might be bisexual. The thing is, tho? If you're happy with your wife and your life, fantasizing and masturbation might be the way to go.

As a bisexual (if that's what you are, and not just and only attracted to men) whether you choose to be in a monogamous relationship with a man or a woman, the temptation of the other sex will always be out there. Just as a straight man in a marriage has temptation to screw around, yeah? It's just that with a bisexual, there's double the temptation to resist.

I think the issue for you is that that temptation is also the unknown, which brings in a heavy dose of curiosity to experience something different and new. The question is, though. Is satisfying that temptation worth changing (possibly destroying) your current life to experience? Because even if you cheat secretly, there's never going to be a 100% guarantee she (and/or others) won't find out.

[jmccoll15]

I think, actually, that we are all on some continuum of sexuality, or at least I am, which I guess does make me bi. On a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being 100% hetero, couldn't even imagine sex with another man, and 10 being 100% gay, sex with a woman is impossible and gross, I have spent my entire life between a 4 and a 7... feeling about a 7 right now, in fact.

You are probably correct that the enticement of the unknown / "forbidden" makes it even tougher. Had I "run with it" earlier on in life, before marriage, I might not be where I am now. Hell, I guess I could also be dead of AIDS, since about the time I almost plunged into gay sex, the epidemic was kicking in. So who knows.

Nice to have a place to talk it out though. Many thanks to TwisetheLeaf for your insight!