Confused, Depressed, Heartbroken

[JosefOlive15]

A little bit over a month ago, I started the thread titled: attraction to one person?

To summarize: we are friends, he is dating a girl, we had sex several times, he got mad at himself, he said he did not want to hang out with me again to avoid doing it again, i feel very attracted to him and him only.

He texted me one night saying that he wanted to make a mistake with me again. I did not say no. There were people in both my house and his house. so we could not do anything. We saw each other again a couple of days later to say bye since I moved to another place. We spent a whole afternoon together and before leaving, we had a brief moment of "physical contact."

After he dropped me off at my place, I sat in the living room and that's when it hit me: I am really going to miss him. I texted him on the next day and I told him I wanted to see him one more time. He said he did not want to do anything with me that he will regret in the future. I begged him. Later that night, he texted and said that it wasn't gonna happen because of other stuff and that it was possibly for the best. He say some encouraging words then I got drunk and asked him to go to the airport and said some other things.

I got to my final destination and he had not replied. I texted him just to let him know that I got home safely and he replied with a thumbs up icon. He was cutting when replying to my texts. I had to get it out and so I started that conversation and he already knew that I like him, that's why he was being cutting. He told me that he was sorry for that and that I needed to move on and that he was very much in love with his gf. He said that he did not like me and that he was not even attracted to my phsyique, that I was only a means to release his sexual tension and relieve stress.

I am really confused. First he wanted to avoid me because he cannot control himself when we're alone and then he says that he doesn't like me? He has been cheating on his gf for over a year and he is "very much in love"?

What is going on? Am I misinterpreting something? Mixed Signals?

[bryyzy]

I think he said it himself. He used you for his sexual relief. I mean if he was your friend. He wouldn't do that to you if you were his friend. And his defence mechanism is to brush you to one side, I hate to say it but to him you were simply a means of destressing and he used you. It probably didnt feel it at the time. But I think that's the bottom line. Now he obviously regrets what happened. But then again you have to blame yourself for getting used, you showed you had feelings for him, you showed weakness and he used that to his advantage to bed you. You need to move on because dwelling over it wont do you any good at all.

[CorsacReborn]

I think he said it himself. He used you for his sexual relief. I mean if he was your friend. He wouldn't do that to you if you were his friend. And his defence mechanism is to brush you to one side, I hate to say it but to him you were simply a means of distressing and he used you. It probably didn't feel it at the time. But I think that's the bottom line. Now he obviously regrets what happened. But then again you have to blame yourself for getting used, you showed you had feelings for him, you showed weakness and he used that to his advantage to bed you. You need to move on because dwelling over it wont do you any good at all.

Pretty much this^

Also, the guy who's been doing this sounds like he has his own demons to deal with if he's cutting. He will need to find another way to cope with how he is feeling and I don't think keeping contact is going to help him get through those feelings.

Whatever signals you have gotten from him in the past I think you need to move on this and just concentrate on your life and look for someone who is fully interested in you if you want a partner.

[Borg69]

He's a mess and doesn't know what he wants. He thinks his mind is saying be straight, while his body tells him otherwise. Unfortunately you fell in love with someone whom can't get their shit together or be honest with himself over what he really wants. He'll lie to himself until his urges take over again and start the whole mess all over again.

As much as it hurts, you're better off moving on and finding someone whom is more stable with themselves and able to treat you as you deserve to be treated.

[JosefOlive15]

I texted him after that brief, honest conversation. I told him that you don't cheat on the girl you love. I advised him to break up with her and find another girl worthy of his faithfulness. He didn't take it well and he doesn't want to talk to me in a very long time and that I destroyed his self-esteem. He was even crying. I didn't feel bad when he said that, because I feel I did the right thing and I did it exclusively for his own good. I said: "don't live a lie." I'll text him in a couple of weeks just to see how he's doing. But I don't want my feelings for him get in the way.

[Ulsterrobert]

This guy is having a struggle with himself. Believe me, it is highly unlikely that you have heard the last of him. I bet his struggle is between you or her. He is probably very suspicious of himself as being gay and he is trying to deny it by the appearance of being in "love" with her. Sit tight the odds are in your favor.

[TwisttheLeaf]

To be honest? I think you need to cut ties with this guy. He has enough on his plate without you adding yourself as temptation into the mix. Let him battle his own demons and move on.

[Confuzzled4]

Yeah the whole exchange is very unhealthy for both of you. You both need space for awhile, and he needs real help before you can even think about seeing each other again. It may never be possible, but you definitely need time apart.

[Insertnamehere]

Yes, I rememeber your previous thread. I also remember what we adviced you back then and that was to let him go because you would only end up getting hurt.

I see you did a poor job in listening, so I don't see why would you listen to us now.

If, however, you are prepared now to convince yourself, here it is, I will say it again:

MOVE ON! HE IS IN DENIAL OF HAVING FEELINGS FOR YOU, BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE IS EITHER BI OR GAY AND HE CLEARLY CAN'T COPE WITH THAT FACT.

AS LONG AS HE CAN'T DEAL WITH HIS OWN SEXUALITY HE WILL KEEP BREAKING YOUR HEART OVER AND AGAIN.

NOT TO MENTION THAT HE REMAINS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE, WHICH MAKES YOU AN ACCOMPLICE IN HIS CHEATING! DON'T BE THAT KIND OF GUY.

GO OUT THERE, FORGET ABOUT HIM AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS ACTUALLY ABLE TO RECIPROCATE YOUR FEELINGS WITHOUT THESE PACK OF ISSUES INBETWEEN. THERE ARE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE FOR YOU TO FIND.

There.

Of course, the alternative is that he is actually telling the truth and he was just using you. In which case all the more reason for you to move on.

[JosefOlive15]

Yes, I rememeber your previous thread. I also remember what we adviced you back then and that was to let him go because you would only end up getting hurt.

I see you did a poor job in listening, so I don't see why would you listen to us now.

If, however, you are prepared now to convince yourself, here it is, I will say it again:

MOVE ON! HE IS IN DENIAL OF HAVING FEELINGS FOR YOU, BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE IS EITHER BI OR GAY AND HE CLEARLY CAN'T COPE WITH THAT FACT.

AS LONG AS HE CAN'T DEAL WITH HIS OWN SEXUALITY HE WILL KEEP BREAKING YOUR HEART OVER AND AGAIN.

NOT TO MENTION THAT HE REMAINS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE, WHICH MAKES YOU AN ACCOMPLICE IN HIS CHEATING! DON'T BE THAT KIND OF GUY.

GO OUT THERE, FORGET ABOUT HIM AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS ACTUALLY ABLE TO RECIPROCATE YOUR FEELINGS WITHOUT THESE PACK OF ISSUES INBETWEEN. THERE ARE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE FOR YOU TO FIND.

There.

Of course, the alternative is that he is actually telling the truth and he was just using you. In which case all the more reason for you to move on.

I know! I did not contact him. He was the one who said he wanted to see me. I had made some progress but then I couldn't say no.