Is topping generally better than bottoming?

[Male]

Bowyn, the top and the bottom are only sex positions. To penetrate or to be penetrated. Emotional demands can be satisfied without the actual penetration. 30% of couples even don't practice anal sex and still have emotional desires satisfied.

[Male]

And i disagree with cuddly saying "i am in exstacy when I feel desired and that desire is shown by him inside me" - you can equally be desired as a top and it can turn you on in the same way. It is just your psychological block. Personally, i can't be in exstacy just thought up some psychological stuff but not having physical pleasure, but the opposite would be okay (physical without necessity of psych.). There are almost no tops which think "oh, this guy desires my cock" but don't have physical pleasure and orgasm, ie "fuck somebody having no intense sensations" while there are lots of bottoms who say "i'm desired, that's enough for me, i'm ready to not have so intense physical sensations, be a pleaser and feel a bit of pain" - mentality of slaves. However, cuddly had quite intdnse physical sensations, but they are still less intense than topping if he says that there's more psychological pleasure than physical but both topping and bottoming satisfy him equally.

[princealbertofb]

@Male, it seems to me that you are either not really a bottom, if you're not enjoying it at all, or you are with the wrong partner, who has no idea how to give you pleasure in that area, but I suspect that you need to really want him to penetrate you to start enjoying it; Maybe penetration of that part of your body is just too uncomfortable, and too painful for you to relax and enjoy it, and to switch your mind and brain (after all the biggest sex organ) onto enjoying being stimulated sexually that way.

Someone suggested trying out toys to see if you do enjoy having something inside you and someone also suggested that you need to get revved up first to be able to have your orgasm soon enough (and before it becomes sore, itchy or tedious). Some tops, I presume, will be too long pumping in and pumping out (which is why lube is necessary) and I'm not sure that doing too many enemas even to ''stay clean'' is very useful. It sound to me that you and your boyfriend are not at all on the same page in terms of what you both want. Have you ever tried topping him? (I think you said he didn't want to be topped), He doesn't really understand how uncomfortable this is making you feel. One other thing I think needs mentioning is positions. There are postitions which will absolutely not stimulate you (some in which you'll just get the impression that someone's letting traffic through your hole, even though your anus is supposed to be very sensitive nerve-wise), so it could be a questions of finding in which position his erection can stimulate the parts that it's supposed to stimulate (ie your prostate).

More foreplay, more lube, better entrance positions and maybe some patience with him as you both try to enjoy what is happening. I'm also not convinced that the top is going to have pleasure from fucking that way (he might), but I am more convinced that he should be fucking you not for his own pleasure but for yours. Ideally (and especially because you're young and horny) you should be enjoying what you're doing to and for each other, but the idea of having an orgasm together at the same time might be improbable and so you need to understand that while sex together can be reciprocal, it doesn't need to be simultaneous. He needs to understand that when he's penetrating you, he's not doing it for himself but as a gift to you. Once you've been correctly handled, you can take good care of his needs too. But if nothing ever happens that makes the bottoming feel good for you, I suggest that you abandon it and do all the other stuff that you can sexually enjoy.

Bottoming is not comfortable for everyone and it's not even comfortable every time. Some people might prefer to be penetrated some days, and some other days they might not feel like it at all. There's no rule that says that because you've once bottomed for someone you'll always bottom, every time you have sex. What's most important would be that you should actually want to be penetrated for it to start being effective. I'm afraid I don't think you are sufficiently warmed up (emotionally and physicially) for anything to start happening. So definitely more foreplay if necessary.

[princealbertofb]

Oh and [MENTION=23639]Male[/MENTION], you are overthinking this. What you need now is practice and you need to relax. If you don't want to bottom, you shouldn't do it, and no one should force you to, otherwise it's rape.

You could stop doing the enemas, just go and empty your bowel before you have sex if you don't want to be too full down there (the fiber diet has been suggested). But anyway, if your top can't take the fact that he's putting his penis up a rectum, he needs a reality check. Yes, we use that tube to excrete body waste too. So, it can get messy but it's nothing to worry about. You just keep yourselves as clean as is possible and that should do it.

Don't stop using condoms, if you are with someone that you've met for the first time and until you feel sure that you are both committed to your relationship together. It's still not safe to undermine your health just for a fuck. Bottoming can be fun, bottoming can be pleasurable and should be pleasurable. If it isn't, then don't do it.

[Male]

I should mention that all this bad experience i had with my ex. Current bf even ready to love me with no anal sex (i'm not sure he is ready for it because he has lowered sensitivity due to circumcision, so he can get off either by anal or by deepthroat; or by self). Anyway, princealberto mentioned what i definitely felt with ex after a couple of tries when the pain almost disappeared: "There are postitions which will absolutely not stimulate you (some in which you'l just get the impression that someone's letting traffic through your hole)". It seems that people can only top but can't only bottom. The top can't feel nothing in different positions unlike the bottom.

If in relationship the tops fuck to please the bottoms and bottoms then give the pleasure back, hookups are supposed to please the tops and abuse the bottoms (but some bottoms are assertive).

Bottoming is not comfortable for everyone and everytime but topping is.

The idea of having an orgasm together - i can't understand why bottom should be wanking his d during the intercourse because he doesn't need to have smth up his ass to do this, the orgasm is still not as intense as the top has.

Unfortunately, i didn't get it: "someone also suggested that you need to get revved up first to be able to have your orgasm soon enough (and before it becomes sore, itchy or tedious".

"just go and empty your bowel before you have sex if you don't want to be too full down there " - i'm not completely clean afterwards, so'll experimentate with fiber.

Putting a cock in a rectum - why the bottom is the one who always takes all the risks and the top is a... coward?

[princealbertofb]

Sorry @Male, but I think you are wrong to think that every top will consistantly feel something when he's fucking a guy anally. I'm sure he's not getting as much pleasure as you think, unless you're a very clever bottom, (what they call a power bottom?) and unless he's particularly horny. Or, it could be a matter of who you are (no two people being the same).

It might depend on how tight you are but where I think that anal stimulation is different from vaginal stimulation is that women can actually squeeze inside their vagina, something that can't happen in the rectum. The stimulation you think a guy is getting when he's penetrating anally is lesser than the stimulation he'd be getting from oral sex. You can do great things with your mouth, not with a rectum. The only part that can squeeze are the sphincters of the anus, and those need to be both relaxed and not overstretched. A bit of a tall order. Penetrating a man anally does require a sense of wanting to please your partner. It's enjoyable, yes, but not necessarily what will eventually get you to orgasm. That's a myth.

A lowered sensitivity of the penis because of circumcision will be one more thing making anal penetration less pleasurable for a top than you might expect. But the fun of having relationship sex, is that it's different from masturbation and self gratification. It's the closeness, it's the intimacy, it's the warmth and smell of another body, it's also the love and connection that you feel for one another, when you are in a relationship. If you need to masturbate while you are being penetrated to have your orgasm, then do so. It ought to be sexy to watch for your partner.

[princealbertofb]

Oh, and just one more thing, the orgasm you get from being fucked, if your partner is doing the right thing, is quite different and very intense. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it, but you might try that with some toys, if you can get your hands on any. You can practise on your own and find out more about your body response.

[JohnMusic]

a cucumber can be used to prepare yourself but please do not try it out at the store. They frown upon that for some reason.

[TwisttheLeaf]

the top and the bottom are only sex positions

This may be true for -some- but, in my experience? Not for most.

Again, in my experience, whether or not the person is into Dominance/submission or not, there is an inherent sense of dominance to topping, and an inherent sense of submission to bottoming.

Is that always the case? No. But I'd say it is the case more often than not.

[princealbertofb]

In my couple, there is no such sense of submission or domination, but maybe that's just us. It doesn't matter which one's topping or which one's bottoming. In the end, what counts is that we are both enjoying each other's company, each other's intimacy, and giving to one another the best sensations we can think of, whether that means bottoming or topping. It really is a question of exchange and awareness of the other one's needs.