Sex &Relationship : I want more sex than he does.

[CorsacReborn]

I mean besides the fact that he doesn't want sex as much as I do. He loves me and we get along together. But for this point I don't know how to start to talk to him.

Sometimes you just have to instigate that discussion when you're both alone despite how uncomfortable it may feel. If he loves you like you say he does then he won't think any different of you for wanting to speak about this with him, it may change nothing to the sexual aspect of the relationship. You may need to compromise and just remain as you are a the moment.

I've had this talk with my partner who has a lower sex drive then myself and the end result is that I've compromised, but I've seen other areas where my partner makes compromises for me that I don't ask him to do.

I am HIV positive which he is totally fine with it because I told him since we started hanging out. He told me before he wouldn't have sex with me, but he did anyway (with and without condom sometime) I'm concern if he doesn't use condom but he told me he doesn't care because he feels like we are connected together.

I find this quite alarming, HIV while not the death sentence it used to be is still very serious. Its good that you told him but you don't know what your future with him will hold. Get your partner to get tested and insist on using condoms whenever you do have sex.

[strider65]

there's another aspect I can just say from my perspective

I was with my partner for 4 years, we both got tested together, mine was neg, his was poz

to tell you the truth I felt guilty about it and it became a dynamic in our sex. I wanted to share being poz. I have this weird gene that is supposedly the reason why, well, I'm neg to this day

I felt guilty for being negative. I tried to join him. My path wound up taking me in a different course.

The fact that you have the self awareness to think about this, well dude, that is a cool thing and speaks well of you.

peace

[Darius]

Corsac, would you mind telling us how you compromised?

[CorsacReborn]

I was fed up with feeling that there was almost no sex life between me and my partner, one night I just randomly turned up at his place and instigated the talk. My partner couldn't apologise anymore than he did and explained that sex isn't something he has a massive interest in, we spent hours talking about our relationship and actually made changes that has improved who we are as a couple.

I have had to find other ways of "pleasuring myself" when I'm in the mood for sex and my partner isn't, that is pretty often considering my sex drive is a lot higher then his. There have been some very trying times with this but if I were to just give up the relationship on just this one aspect then I would be leaving someone who makes me feel more loved then any previous partners have ever made me feel.

With previous partners sex was something that was a big thing and something that happened very often, this is the first time I've been with someone with such a low sex drive and that was quite hard for me to get over.

[strider65]

Corsac that is frank and honest. Whoever you are with is a lucky man.

In my situation, my partner and I met online, he was living in Georgia and me in Michigan.

we spent a week together, went to the doctor together and found out that in addition to him being poz, he was in stage III of Hodgkins. Our doctor, who was family by just what happened, took me aside and said that a healthy person could withstand one or the other but not both together.

he went into chemo, and had no interest in sex. he was just doing his best to beat the cancer and HIV.

I guess what I'm saying is, are you in love with his soul or with his dick... Craig and I opened up the relationship, it was his idea... I felt really guilty being intimate outside of the relationship, but it was his suggestion.

In retrospect I would have stayed home and well... hindsight is 20/20. Once he gave me permission though I did go out. just my 2 cents

[strider65]

you can't go back in time and get even a moment back. if I could, I would have told myself to treasure the present for you cannot get it back.

[CorsacReborn]

I wouldn't say my partner is the lucky one but I suppose that comes down to perspective. In terms of what I love about my partner, his soul and who he is comes on top every time. Neither of us even contemplated opening up the relationship, I don't think either of us liked the risk that we could potentially bring an STD/STI into the relationship.

I'm sorry to hear about your partner strider65, it shows great character that he is aiming to beat his health issues and I hope that he does.

[LJay]

OP, there is a lot to think about in the advice above. I hope you will work through it carefully.

One thing that does concern me is the POZ situation. You really owe it to each other to be tested and to use condoms and to continue to be tested. Your boyfriend is saying that he wants to be close, but you really shold not allow him to risk his long term health. Do your best by him in this regard. You will always be glad you did.

[batman82]

This is my first time posting here. I am in a similar situation as to what has been discussed above. I am so close to my boyfriend of 7 years but we hardly ever have sex. I find him very sexually arousing so thats not the issue. He has said the same about me. We seldom talk about sex. I am uncomfortable bringing it up (don't know why) and he doesn't bring it up either. I feel like the longer this goes on the more I think about it and the worse I feel. I feel stuck!

When we do have sex its often in the middle of the night when one of us wakes up (kind of) and starts making a move on the other person. We can hardly remember it in the morning as I think we are both half asleep! I told him about six months ago when we were talking about sex that I love giving him blow jobs and once in a while it would be nice to get one in return. That night he gave me one, but that was the last time.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should broach the subject? Or should I just start putting the moves on him more often. I have tried touching his body in suggestive places but I feel like he isn't responsive to it. Looking for some advice...