He asked for a break, but writes me every day

[Thundanton]

let's get the facts straight here first. you said he asked for a 'break', and not 'I want to break up with you' so that distinction definitely means something, for what it means, I'm not sure, depends on his personality.

I would say he could have did it for either three reasons:

1. he is too shy and afraid of hurting your feelings to say he wants to break up.
you should know if this is true or not, is he a shy person in general? when he said it to you, did he have emotions in his words or not?

2. he is a very mean person that doesn't care about your feelings and wants to keep you hanging while he goes out and has his freedom.
this is very unlikely and rare that this would be the case. but if it is, I'm sure you would know deep down what kind of person he is since you have been living with him.

3. he is not sure what he wants so he doesn't want to just write you off there and then
This sounds like the most likely of scenarios. which means, if this is the case, only time will tell how he will come out of this phase. But honestly, judging from the info you have been giving me, I would say he won't be ready anytime soon. Relationships can in some ways feel very restrictive because you not only have to think of yourself and your own values wants and needs (which in my opinion is very difficult in the first place) but also for your partner as well. he knows this and understands it very deeply and it seems to be putting a toll on him. So he is trying to get his mind of the the relationship completely, that's probably why he doesn't sound romantic at all. you have tried to pull him back into the game as you have said, but it didn't work, and he's obviously not stupid, so he is just choosing to ignore his feeling for you in that case.

Before you even decide which of the three reasons it may be though, I should ask you to contemplate on what the word 'break' even means to you, and to him, because that word is soo ambiguous that you too cannot have the same mutual meaning. you should have clarified that because now he could think it means -split up temporarily from you until I say so- which would mean he is allowed to go and sleep around or it could mean -I just need some time alone-. I have heard many stories about people cheating on breaks then coming back thinking they did nothing wrong so I must say this needs to be considered.

[thehandthatrock]

I honestly think he doesn't know what he wants..., really loves me and misses me, but doesn't know how he's supposed to act... It's very confusing for me because I'm aware that even if we had problems, ultimately I want to fix them because I love him and want our relationship to work. He on the other hands, is 25, a bit immature, and somewhat self involved... He's not a mean spirited person by any means... he's just never really had any solid base in life... Throughout his childhood he would move from state to state, change schools, move countries, his mother would leave for years then come back... I feel like he never learned what it was to have a commited relationship of any sort... I think his defense mechanism is to not show that he feels any sort of hurt, if that makes any sense... it's tough for me because I know I should "man up" and make him value me, and give myself my space, but I'm also scared that I'll lose him forever.. love is very tricky and makes us do stupid things...

[thehandthatrock]

I don't think he cheated or is cheating... that would make him the most horrible person in the world and all of what we had a lie... I made it clear to him on many occasions how that would devastate me and asked that he tell me in case it happened... The thing is I don't know how to feel calm and collected while he's away.. it's really frustrating because I just want him to come back, and see him to decipher what on Earth he wants... he's never gonna express anything through whatsapp... and about seeing him, I have to whether I want to or not, because he left A BUNCH of stuff at my place... all while knowing he was leaving me. I love him to death, but it's so difficult having a relationship with someone who is not always transparent...

[thehandthatrock]

Also, what should I do about his texting me everyday... Should I tell him that I need space? I feel like it's unfair for him to talk to me like nothing happened... and tell him that I'm doing "fine" while I am obviously not...

[tiredofmyex]

My ex GF wasn't a mean spirited person either. She was simply messed up emotionally and that affected our relationship. I was the one who wanted to fix things between us. I wanted to be the knight in shinning armor that saved her and saved us but I found out the hard way that I couldn't and it was a very painful lesson!

Basically, this guy is controlling you. He's calling the shots! While he may not be malicious, he knows that he has you right where he wants you. My advice to you is to keep reminding him that he wanted this break and to stick to his decision or point blank, just ask him why he's texting you? If you are ok with just being friends and you can let go of your feelings for him, then it's fine to communicate with him but don't expect for him to run back into your arms! My ex GF misses me too. She texts and calls me. I have to keep telling her that she made her decision with me to not be together but she doesn't get it. She wants her cake and wants to eat it too! Doesn't work that way!

[tiredofmyex]

You have to remember that this person is not willing to be with you because of you or something you've done. They're not willing to be with you because of their own hang ups! You remember that and you'll be ok! It gets easier. I promise.

[meridannight]

it's normal to want to take a break sometimes. there are times when you just need to pull back from the front lines and be by yourself for a while whether to figure things out or just put things on a pause. i wouldn't worry about it that much. if he loves you and wants you, he'll come back to you. and all the more strongly.

from what you write, i get the impression that there's nothing drastically wrong really. you both sound sensible and smart guys. let him have his break and see how it goes.