5 years together, virtually sexless, he is bi-ish (Need Advice)

[fitguy265]

Here is my story: (Keep in mind he is my first/only everything basically)

Our relationship started as long distance. We really got to know each other through talking/video chat. He came to visit me (8 hour away) a few times and sparks flew. We dated long distance for 6-8 months. How could I find someone more perfect than him? I was 19 and he was 20 (now 24 and 25). I eventually moved in with him which meant I had to move away from everything I knew. Things were great although it went down hill fast but we've been stuck in a rut. Both supporting each other and getting through college. It's been pretty much sexless these past 5 years. Things were great when he came to meet me when he could but not much when I moved in. Maybe oral sex or jack each other off a few times a month if I'm lucky. That's it, nothing else. I have had every opportunity in the world to cheat but resisted. That's how much I care for this man. However, it's been super rocky lately. He is bi (although he won't fully admit that to me). I caught him on Grindr and some other apps. I looked through it all and he was sexting (guys and girls). He swore up and down that that was it. He has never met anyone in person. This really didn't bother me as much as it probably should have. I don't know why. I told him I didn't really care as long as he would please make it a point to focus on me more. I'm open to a lot more stuff than he realizes even though I try to talk to him about it and it's like he is too scared to talk to me. Anyways, what I need advice on is should I allow him to explore his bi side? Should I talk to him about an open relationship that allows me to experience more since he is my first and for him to get the satisfaction from a woman?

TLR-
5 year relationship (we are young, first and only for me, he's had few partners before)
He's bi, I'm gay
Virtually sexless relationship
BF caught sneaking around on apps but no physical sex (talked to guys/girls)

Q: Should I talk to him about being more open to allow us to explore (me guys, him girls/guys ) so we are not sexually frustrated all the time?

[TigerLover]

Personally I'd say go open or get out.

I know your life is tangled up with his and separation is difficult but you can't live like this forever, if he's not going to satisfy your sexual needs then this relationship is living on borrowed time anyway.

Besides it comes to something when a 23 year old gay man has the same sex life as a 55 year old married straight guy. This is, carnaly speaking the prime of your life and you'll regret it if you waste that.

[LJay]

Agreeing with TigerLover.

Was you sex life more active and wider in range when you first met?

It may not be a bad idea to show him what you wrote here and ask him to write a similar letter and show it to you. Make it clear that you are not condmening him but that you two really have to communicate. If he can't speak it, maybe he can write it down.

There is nothing wrong with you being about you.

[meridannight]

Sorry, but this doesn't sound a healthy relationship.

The sparks fly when you're barely seeing each other, and the sex stops after you move in? What is that? I can't imagine how this scenario is supposed to come by. The sex is supposed to at least continue so soon after moving in together.

Unfortunately I don't have any better advice than TigerLover. From what you've said, your partner doesn't come off like he's that interested in the relationship with you. It isn't his bi side that is to blame for him neglecting you sexually. If he needed to explore that that's a separate thing that doesn't -- and shouldn't -- stop him from having sex with you. You might have to end this. Or have a more serious talk about the whole past 5 years together.

[fitguy265]

TigerLove- thanks for your input

LJay- The sex was just oral and messing around. No anal. But the passion was there. Thank you for the suggestion on writing my thoughts down and presenting it to him that way. Hopefully he will open up to me more.

Meridannight- It is not a healthy relationship but I would like to save it if possible. I know it might not be but I cannot just give up on it just yet. I know he loves me but that is different than in love with me.

What I would like to add: What little sexual romance we have, it's boring. I definitely need more. I don't know if it's we need to learn new things, new techniques, have a 3 some, or what to do.

[Darius]

He is spending his sexual energy on masturbating with strangers online instead of with you. It sounds like an addiction. Just remember, this is as good as it is going to get. You don't want to open the relationship. Why not just agree to be friends and forget the romantic relationship. You're basically only friends now.

[NativeSon]

If I could wish for anything in the world I'd wish for bi people to go ahead and have sex. It's so sad that they always end up teetering on the edge.