Looking for love in wrong places?

[nikos29]

Good evening guys,
My name is Nikos and I m Greek living in London for 2 years now. Everything is ok in my life - job, friends, family etc - is just my personal life that is kind of an issue the last 2 years. I am a person that I love being in a relationship and I m trying to find a guy in London last 2 years maily from online applications such as tinder. The majority of my dates are unsuccessful because something is going wrong - I m not their type or they are not my type either cause you know is completely different when u met them face to face. But even if some dates are very succesful and seems to me that i have real chemistry, that doesnt last for a while. People are not being honest nowadays or do not make an effort to accept "imperfections" and they just simply disappear after a couple of dates. I have really tried everything: not being so "pushy" with them since they are being scared, going with the flow and see what happens, saying from the very beginning that I m looking for a relationship or even trying to be friends with them with the hope this will turn into something serious. Unfortunately nothing has worked out so far. Is it something that I m doing wrong or ALL of them are just weirdos? I m very frustrated and I m looking to find other ways on meting gay people as well. It cant be only through tinder etc? By the way I do not have so many gay friends to go out all the time to gay bars etc. Do you have any advice to give me?
Thank you very much for your time!
Nikos ��

[LJay]

I am sure some other guys will comment here, but to start with you just have to realize that lot of guys on dating apps are not looking for long term friends or relationships. That means that if you want to go that way you have to be very patient.

You might have better luck if you try to meet guys in low pressure public settings. Clubs centered around an interest, sports, volunteer work, maybe even just being a regular at a decent coffee shop and willing to talk with others might help.

Of course it helps to take a good look in the mirror and try to see yourself as others see you--and not just physically.

Be patient and put your best foot forward. You will get there eventually.

[TigerLover]

Tindr is not worst place to be looking for love but it is far from the best. And gay bars are just a dating roulette wheel.

There are lots of sites out there that specifically cater to relationship seekers.

mate1.com comes to mind

But just google for them and you'll find plenty of others.

[princealbertofb]

Agapimenimou Nikos, ti kaneis,
That's about the extent of my Greek, so we won't go any further, lol. I'm afraid you need to be patient, (some of us waited till we were well past our sell-by date when we met our boyfriends) and also not to appear too needy, to expectant. The right guy will fall into your arms and into your life when you least expect it, I think. But counting on Tindr to get you anything else but sex hookups may be a little tricky. Of course, there are other guys just like you who are on Tindr, looking for the right mate to come up, but it's a bit of a lottery, don't you think?

My suggestion to meet the right sort of person would be to forget about sexual orientation and to go with what other things you are interested in life: do you like cooking? Do you like dancing? Do you like art? Do you like bikes? Do you like sports? Drama? The cinema? Science? Reading? Singing? Music? etc... Then find a club or clubs or groups where these activities are held and performed and that are attended by all sorts of people, probably also by gay people. The closer you get to someone in an activity related group, the more likely you are to find a soulmate.

It is obvious, if you are looking for a relationship, that you are not going to be satisfied only by sex and one night stands, so the best place to look is not in the world of easy sex hookups. Tindr has its limits. The best place(s) to go are the places where you will meet up different people with similar interests to your own. Do you enjoy singing? Why not join a choir? Would you like to be painted or drawn? Become a model for an art class (maybe you will be asked for nudes?)... If you like to cook, join a tasting or cooking group. Etc.... Learn to make small talk (daily conversation) and to ask people questions, listen to them and try not to sound desperate.

Last but not least, make an effort to dress and smell nice (a little vanity and personal hygiene can be point markers in the long run). In any case, don't forget to be prepared and to have the right protection with you, in case things randomly need to go further than expected.

[trywait]

the more you force it, the more it can seem to elude you.

the best things usually happen when it's unexpectedly.

granted fate has a way of letting it all happen at the right time, but sometimes you have to nudge destiny a little bit to get the wheels spinning.

[jeremyst]

Hello Nikos,

I, too have been on dating apps... and I've had almost the same experience as you. Either that, or the very recent one who doesn't want to things to go as serious and keep things casual. I know that I have to be patient, although personally I am now getting to the point when I am getting exhausted of the game. Like, I'm already tired of introducing myself to a new person. But I guess it's always like that: whenever you want something the most, you need to work hard and be patient about it.

I don't exactly know what advice to say, because I'm on the same boat as you. But at least maybe it helps to know that you are not alone?

Also, good luck to us!