I'm not sure I can do this anymore

[ChrisH]

I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am, but since June I've been in a relationship with a guy, and before June we were dating...as far back as February.

He's an honest to god sweet guy, but I feel there's something missing in my life, and perhaps that maybe a relationship isn't what I need right now. Or maybe I'm just not getting what I need/want out of it.

Between my home life with my aging parents, and my busier than ever work (clothing retail), and what little social time I get per week, it has led to me not being able to see my boyfriend for nearly six weeks now. This happened before in July because I was so busy, and I feel that the texting and phone calls aren't enough anymore this time around. And now that the holidays are approaching and I'm being schedule more work hours...maybe we're drifting apart?

.-.

[InbetweenDreams]

I mean possibly, how is he taking it? I mean six weeks is a long time not to see your bf... I couldn't do that, I'd probably feel that you're drifting away from me if I were in his shoes. On the other hand has there been any effort to see each other, do you guys live far apart? I'm curious why it has been 6 weeks...

[TwisttheLeaf]

Also curious about the 6 weeks and if it's a distance issue or something else.

Something I learned when I got into a relationship with Gideon is that I have to literally schedule time to spend time with him.

I work four part time jobs, run an internet business, and have a very full, very BUSY life.

Just like my work hours go on the schedule. Just like I schedule time to shower, to sleep, to eat, etc. Just like ANYTHING important in my life. If I want him in my life.... if I see him as a necessity? I have to schedule him in to make sure he gets some of my time.

Perhaps it's time to sit down with a calendar and a daily schedule outlining the hours in each day, and start fitting each thing you need to do into it..... including time with him.

[ChrisH]

Up until a week ago he was working very busy hours. After that they closed the store he worked at and he's been stressing out in finding a job and trying to find a car.

Because I work in a clothing store, one that happens to be very popular with the back to school crowd we've had the last three weeks, it's almost never ending, and now it's shifting again into seasonal clothing. I mean we have tried scheduling around our free time together already in the last six weeks and something came up (I ended up working a double shift, and had to go pick up friends who were stranded in timbuktu land). Since then (about five weeks ago), we just don't bring it up. I know I'm going to have to have a talk with him. He lives about fifteen miles away from me. It's an easy drive out there, provided I have time to do so. Which for six weeks, there hasn't been.

And what if we are drifting apart? I feel the lack of time is only partially to blame for this, I feel there's more.

[TwisttheLeaf]

If neither of you are willing to hard-schedule (as in schedule and KEEP IT) your time together? Then there's a good chance that you might be growing apart. You can't have a relationship without putting in the time and effort. If the relationship isn't worth it to either you or him, to put in that time and effort? Then maybe it's time to move on.

[Cridders88]

And what if we are drifting apart? I feel the lack of time is only partially to blame for this, I feel there's more.

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. There IS something more. You guys live 15 miles apart, and haven't seen each other in 6 weeks. If you truly want to be with someone you WILL have made time for him. No-one is too busy for 6 whole weeks to make time to see someone they are in a relationship with and want to remain in a relationship with.

[reaper]

The last 2 posts sum up my opinion as well. 6 weeks is a long time and you live close.

[ChrisH]

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. There IS something more. You guys live 15 miles apart, and haven't seen each other in 6 weeks. If you truly want to be with someone you WILL have made time for him. No-one is too busy for 6 whole weeks to make time to see someone they are in a relationship with and want to remain in a relationship with.

I get this. However when two people initially had no time to schedule, not just one person, it puts further strain.

Thanks though.

[LJay]

Chris, I spent several years in retail and several more in food service and hotel puchasing. These jobs thought they owned my life. The fact is that they took a lot of it away from me. You absolutely must set limits and schedule time for your own enjoyment and refreshment. Believe me, your life is more important that your work. The same applies to your relationship with your parents. They need you also. Balance is hard. It takes a lot of work but it sounds like aiming for it will do you good.