Looking for some advice

[edingal]

So i've never really thought i was gay untill about a year ago. I've know this girl who is gay for just over a year now. Shes gay. I work with her. I knew pretty much from the start that she fancied me.

I left the work last summer to go home to work full time. During the summer I couldn't stop thinking about her and this is what made me start to think i was gay.

Earlier this year i stayed at hers one night after work. We slept in the same bed and one thing led to another and we got intimate. Nothing really happened, would call it more of a romp than sex but according to her we slept together.

Here's where it gets complicated. Theres another girl in her life. According to her they're not together. They can both sleep with whoever they like. Like an open relationship. As far as i'm aware they sleep together and spend alot of spare time together. When this other girl comes into the work i get "daggers" from her, she obviously has a problem with me. She knows what happened between us and she wasn't too happy about it. Even though they can sleep with whoeve they want. A mutual friend of mines and the girl i slept with says that shes jelouse as her "bird" as he put it, fancies me.

I made it clear to this girl that i fancy her n would like to do it again sometime but it seems since i've came out to her her flirting has died down. She says she just wants to be friends. I believe this to be due to the other girl in her life. They are good friends.

No one else knows about me being gay apart from my best friend who lives in another city. The girl i slept with says she knew right away i was gay and if i were to cme out to the rest of my friends they wouldn't be shocked. I think they would though. One of them in particular is homophobic.

The girl i slept with says shes going to take me to a gay club, but I don't think her other girl will be all to happy about that. I don't know how to act. I think about her all the time and just want to be in her company but she doesnt feel the same way. If the other girl wasnt on the scene it would be a totally different story.

Yes i want to be out but like most people i'm scared of losing friends. I can't count on becming part of this girls friend group seen as how her other friend doesn't really like me... even though we've never spoke.

Any advice?

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Cat fight!!!

Sorry, dont have much experience with open relationships of any sex... best of luck with it all [/COLOR]

[Genersis]

Ouch, i don't really have expiriance with anything remotely like this, but il give my opinion on the matter.

I beleave the best sulotion would be to confront the girl thats friends with the girl you "slept" with, ask her if shes ok with the whole thing.
If she says:
"I don't care" In a angry kinda way, you should tread carfull but continue your relationship
"SHES MINE!" Then either talk to the girl you like about her "friend", or give up(sorry about being so grim:frown: )
"I don't care" In a not careing way/"Its ok with me" Is a sign that your in the clear!

Thats I have to say about this situation, remember, i have NO expiriance with this kind of thing(never been in a relationship), so only follow this if it seems like a good idea to you ok?

With that i'm done, oh and; GOOD LUCK!:biggrin:

[marshlander]

It all sounds a bit fraught. Sorry to hear you seem to have landed in the middle of it. Whilst I am going to be horribly cautious about pretending to be able to give any kind of advice to a woman I would probably want to talk to the one I fancy and find out from her what's going on. For a start her interpretation of what happened between you seems to be different from yours; maybe her understanding of her relationship status is different from her gf's too? Whatever, it sounds like something's up. Being a total physical coward I don't think I could summon the courage to follow Genersis' advice - I value what's left of my eyesight too much :eek:

If you were in any kind of relationship with someone and a third party turned up, what would you do? I think it's up to the other two to sort out any misunderstandings and clear the way for you to move in with a clear conscience, if appropriate, especially if you are hoping for something longer-term than a one (or two) night stand.

Good luck. It's hard dealing with strong feelings when a lot of what's going on may be outside your sphere of influence.

[fredv3b]

Here's my tuppence worth, to be taken with a large quantity of salt...

To my mind you basically have three options:-

1. Try to have a relationship with this girl
2. Try to be friends with this girl, but not a relationship
3. Avoid this girl completely

Considering them in random order.

3. Is the simplest, but to be honest I would only advise it if both 1. and 2. were not options.

1. This girl would have to decide between you and this other girl. I would advise against this unless you feel ready for a relationship and are prepared for the possibility of rejection. On the other hand if you really have feelings for this girl and want to take things further then this is your only option.

2. If you don't feel you're ready for a relationship, couldn't take the rejection or are pretty sure that this girl would choose the other girl then you need to be clear to yourself that a relationship is not an option. However what about friendship? You would have to make it clear to this other girl that you are expressly looking for no more than friendship. Either she is prepared to tolerate this or not, if not then there is not much more you can do, but what have you lost? If she is prepared to tolerate it then perhaps having someone to take you to gay clubs, etc. might be a good thing, or at least a means to an end. You might be able to meet new friends, maybe even find a relationship.

[yero69]

Whatever your decision there will be consequences and from what you said I am guessing she is into open relationships.
Only label yourself when you are comfortable with that label
Anyway good luck

[SPLuna]

My advice is as follows

try no to limit yourself to one person, this happened to me when i first came out as well only to realize now that I wasnt really in love with this person but you keep them in your heart because they helped you discover something so personal like being gay or that you like the same sex rather because yes label yourself to your preferences.

Secondly as far as Jane ask her how she feels, whatever the answer might be you need to respect it, maybe she saw her interaction toward you in a totally different way than you did.

Thirdly you shouldn't care what Sarah thinks about you especially if she is judging you without getting to know you, you must avoid that type of person for they only seem to always cause drama.

Finally in the end only you can decided what to do follow your heart and I wish you the best of luck. mile: