I brought up the most difficult subject of my life

[InbetweenDreams]

All I can say is that NSA sounds nice, but I have never been able to have that sort of arrangement with anyone. I have a very hard time meeting new guys, most of the guys in my area I have already met and the few...err one who grabbed my attention have other irons in the fire or FOBO...always something. So while I probably just have high hopes, I still feel kind of guilty trying to speak to other guys...and no where remotely near to being anything more at the present. So I don't know what gives with that and me feeling such a way. All I can say is that someone new would have to be absolutely fucking dazzling for me to change that I suppose.

I have also wondered about the spreading of one genes far and wide... Then again I think us humans are one of a few species perhaps that sticks to one partner (or tries to).

I do have a friend who he and his partner do share an open relationship, they have been together for over 20 years. However, that sort of thing doesn't work with all couples. The ones that fail end over jealousy or one ending up having feelings for someone else who came into the picture. I suppose polygamy can work, but I haven't a clue on the subject since it is pretty rare and maybe illegal? Or maybe it is legal but just not recognized? I really don't know. Mind you, I am not saying to try an open relationship or condoning polygamy at all. Just saying hey sometimes the uncommon and...odd can work but it isn't for everyone. I haven't had the liberty of experiencing a fulfilling relationship with a guy for any length of time, so I do envy you. Thus is the reason why some get cranky when someone (not you) post things about cheating on their partners or being superficial when most all of us are guilty (not the cheating part)... I'd like to think that most guys don't cheat...but I don't know if that is the case...maybe among guys on here possibly but in the wild probably not always the case.

All I can say is that BOTH of you should be happy in your relationship. That being said nothing is perfect either.

I wish I could offer more advice on the sex part.... I honestly don't know how often I would even want sex...could be all the time, or less... I really don't know. I know the last time I had a partner, sex was fairly often. That and different guys might bring out something in me that other guys do not, I hypothesize but I can't say for sure... Kind of sucks being 30 and not having enough experience to even describe what I even want because I don't know...because I have avoided hookups I just haven't had the variety in that department. So I don't know what it is like to feel the urge to sleep around or what it is like to live with a partner and have the freedom to have sex at every opportunity either.

Anyway, I hope you two can sort it all out. I am sure it is just a cycle or hormones, may subside after a few weeks/months.

[meridannight]

[MENTION=21405]meridannight[/MENTION]
Thanks for the input. What you're describing fits how I'm feeling too, but I'm convinced my husbear does not feel the same way. He appears to be entirely content with just me.

But your husband has been with men other than you. He has experienced other men before he settled down with you. That was the whole differential I was trying to stress. That's one of the main points in what I was trying to say -- that this experience of men and their bodies (in multiples) is an essential and an integral part of any man's life.

Of course it is possible for a man to be faithful to just one single man. I was arguing against the possibility of that one man being the first and the last person they ever have sex with. That is what's naive. (Again, I am not calling you naive, don't take this in the first person).

I am capable of settling down into a monogamous relationship myself with the right guy. I have reached that point. But I have been with enough men to know that I won't lose out on anything now if I was just with one man from here on out. If I hadn't been with those other men, if I hadn't experienced them, I'm not sure I could say the same.

I genuinely appreciate the input, but I believe it to be equally naïve to assume that your assumptions apply to every man ever born. People are different, in colour, shape, size, sexuality and everything else imaginable.

Sure, like I said men can probably force themselves to be like that. There are men who are in their 30s who haven't even had sex yet, or even kissed a man. At least if you can take their own word for it. ( [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION] has been open about his inexperience, though I don't remember just how inexperienced he is).

And how happy are those men? How happy are they with the fact that they have never known another man carnally? Is it something you hear them qualify as a better way of life? Do they not want to feel another man/men physically?

It's a loss of quality of life, is what I was saying. You can condition yourself to be whichever way in this life of yours, ignoring your natural impulses. But your natural impulses are there for a reason. I don't believe that it is possible to achieve happiness/satisfaction in life by going against them. That was what I was saying to you. I was not arguing against monogamy, if anything I am more in favor of monogamy than against it.

[princealbertofb]

I don't know, [MENTION=20359]Cuddly[/MENTION], why I think your husbear should be more open at his age about human sexuality. I'm guessing at his age, with a bit more life and experience, and presumably having read more or looked up more information about human sexuality would make him more understanding of differences in people's sex drives etc. The other argument for me was that when we get older we are possibly less attractive than when we were younger and even though we continue to be 'lovable', the nature of chemistry may change as our bodies and desires change too. I was thinking of this more as a process that comes with naturally aging. I may be wrong and maybe your husbear has kept to a very simple agenda as far as sex is concerned for your couple. When I met my partner of 14 years now I immediately realised that because we don't live together 24/7 it might be difficult for him to go without a sexual partner if he got lonely, so I told him he was free to use his body as he saw fit. It's his body after all, and who am I to impose anything on him? So that was our common agreement, but the other agreement was that we would keep each other safe by using whatever was necessary not to bring infections into the relationship through ill-thought sexual encounters. So far neither he nor I have felt the need to go looking elsewhere. But then we are no longer as young as you, and it is possible that we feel content with what we've got. This is also why I think you will probably not veer from your current relationship just because you feel the need to try sex with other men. I think it's your mid life crisis, it needs to be expressed and it's also because you never got to sow those wild oats. It can hit you later in life if you've not lived those experiences in adolescence. I hope I have made myself clear now.
I also was going to tell you to bring your husbear to read our thoughts (and yours) on the subject and now that he has, maybe he knows better what he's dealing with.
I thought a form of diary, which could be a vocal diary too, was a way of clearing your head about what it is exactly that you are trying to achieve. Nobody has suggested to you both to see a counsellor, but that too might be an idea to pursue. Why not?

[Cuddly]

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] I have probably had a coarse tone towards the people coming here to confes cheating. As if we would tell them it wasn't their fault and everything is going to be alright. Thanks for clarifying and extending your reply.
[MENTION=21405]meridannight[/MENTION] I'm sorry, I came off quite aggressive there. You're ofcourse, he has.
[MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION] You made yourself clear. Thank you. Was it easy to give your partner that permission? It sounds hard.
I considered if it was a midlife crisis thing too, but figured I was being silly. Maybe I wasn't.

[NativeSon]

I will go snuggle up and hug him tightly as I dose off too.

Aw. That is so sweet.

[JustAperson]

'I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together. Some think love can be measured by the amount of butterflies in their tummy. Others think love can be measured in bunches of flowers, or by using the words 'for ever.' But love can only truly be measured by actions. It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don't like doing it, or being honest and tell your lover how you feel about something and want to talk about it.'

I feel true love here
I Wish you both all the best, follow your heart, i'm glad u did

[Cuddly]

'I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together. Some think love can be measured by the amount of butterflies in their tummy. Others think love can be measured in bunches of flowers, or by using the words 'for ever.' But love can only truly be measured by actions. It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don't like doing it, or being honest and tell your lover how you feel about something and want to talk about it.'

I feel true love here
I Wish you both all the best, follow your heart, i'm glad u did

That's adorable! Thanks man.

[kindy64]

Thank you for showing that being open and honest is the best policy. I don't have any answers for you, but it looks like your hubby and you are perfectly capable of talking and working it out.

[JustAperson]

That's adorable! Thanks man.

You're welcome

[princealbertofb]

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] I have probably had a coarse tone towards the people coming here to confes cheating. As if we would tell them it wasn't their fault and everything is going to be alright. Thanks for clarifying and extending your reply.
[MENTION=21405]meridannight[/MENTION] I'm sorry, I came off quite aggressive there. You're ofcourse, he has.
[MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION] You made yourself clear. Thank you. Was it easy to give your partner that permission? It sounds hard.
I considered if it was a midlife crisis thing too, but figured I was being silly. Maybe I wasn't.

In answer to your question, [MENTION=20359]Cuddly[/MENTION], I think it was the logical solution. I am not the owner of his body nor of his soul. I am happy (very) that he chooses to share his intimacy with me and with me alone (for the moment), but there are things that we need to be practical about. We often have long spells of time on our own not living together. The flesh can sometimes be weak, and when you know someone's history, it does help you decide what the better solution is. It seemed the best solution for us but I don't think he's used the liberty. He knows I mean it if he needs that space. I can't tell you how it would feel to know he had had intimate moments with other men or another man until this happens. For the moment, I am, at least, blissfully innocent of any such fact. He sees this as a freedom that he cherishes and that's why I remain his main love interest. It comes from an understanding. I guess when you love someone, you actually want what's best for them, and sexual / mental health is one of those things. It takes nothing away from the good things and times we share and from the delight of our own intimacy. As I said, if the urge is there, scratch that itch but protect us both from any ills that could come from it, which, for me, was to avoid STIs and HIV, if it is at all possible. Keeping ourselves both free from those for our partner would be guarantee enough for me of the respect we have for each other, if you get my drift. The fact that he wastes a little semen with another man is no worse than him or me having to jack off to images that are just sexual triggers, not love interests.