Would you date a Disabled person.

[Marcus]

I wouldn't say I had a closed mind about it. I came in touch with many disabled people in my life: that led me to pose myself this question multiple times, and the answer was always "yes". But at the time, I didn't have a clear idea of what I wanted from a relationship: I even dated a feminine bottom, for example (and I'm bottom-only). Heck, even now that I'm 25 I'm still not completely sure of what I'm looking for, I can't for the life of me find a guy that I am physically and emotionally attracted to (I've been single for 2-3 years now, I can't see it changing anytime soon...and I never had a bf that I actually liked)...the odds of finding such a man, who also has disabilities, are so slim I could barely imagine it...saying "yes" felt like a politically correct lie. But I guess saying "no" wasn't quite right either.

[NativeSon]

See I think people want to say they're willing to have a relationship with someone who has a disability simply because we're morally wired to say those sorts of things. On the other hand I do think there are a lot of exceptions to the rule but what I see is that people are way too judgmental, if there's a flaw of any kind "Oh they're not the one for me!"

Wait, so what is the rule? It sounds like you're saying that people who date will always lie about their inner feelings?

Anyway, the point I want to drive home about this thread is that most of you will say you would date someone with a disability, whatever that is being up for debate, but when it comes down to it you won't...and I am aiming that at the younger crowd mostly. I think older people realize that people do end up with disabilities, we age and all at one point end up with health problems...

This is all based on your personal experience, I assume?

[InbetweenDreams]

Wait, so what is the rule? It sounds like you're saying that people who date will always lie about their inner feelings?



This is all based on your personal experience, I assume?

Everyone lies. The rule is that everyone judges, even though we're told as kids that we shouldn't.... we do it all the time.

One doesn't want to date because another guy is a bit overweight, or because he has scarring on his face...

Most people suck in general one way or another...even I'm no exception.

People do lie about their inner feelings, let me ease the blow by letting you down easy. People also lie to themselves about their inner feelings because they don't understand the feelings they have.

Or it is too early in the morning...

[Darius]

Dating implies a relationship that could likely head into something permanent. So the disability could be an issue. Relationships are multi-dimensional. While a romantic relationship is not just about sex, that doesn't mean sex is unimportant. If you aren't able to have sex and sex is important to you, you might just have a friendship. You have to connect with someone emotionally, psychologically, physically...every way. What might be a deal breaker for one person might not be for someone else.

[NativeSon]

Everyone lies. The rule is that everyone judges, even though we're told as kids that we shouldn't.... we do it all the time.

How else would someone decide if they want to continue dating or even date in the first place without evaluating and forming opinions? Even you say you're proud of the guidelines you've set for yourself. So ???

Most people suck in general one way or another...even I'm no exception.

Hmm.

People do lie about their inner feelings, let me ease the blow by letting you down easy.

Are you saying people lie in order to let others down easy or that you're easing the blow of an unpleasant truth that I may not be aware of?

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=22821]NativeSon[/MENTION] What am I to say? It's okay to be a dick? The point I'm making is that most people would say they would outright date someone with a disability, whether that is someone with autism, has cancer, whatever... Meaning that is their default go to response when the question comes up. At least that's how I perceive people to be, kind of like the issue on race... When the question comes up with white people, immediately the response is "I'm not racist" then later on making jokes and so on.

Now when people lie intentionally, such as the case of letting someone off easy because hmm I don't know didn't realize they were that fat or went home and googled about a disease or disability they have then go cold as ice well that's the stuff that is interesting. So when is it a bad thing? Or is it bad to let someone off easy to start with? It would seem that bullshitting someone in order to distance yourself from them is frowned upon?

Are you saying people lie in order to let others down easy or that you're easing the blow of an unpleasant truth that I may not be aware of?

I'm saying people lie for anything. Digging into what I said there is more along the lines of I'm not sure how I feel about you or maybe they were wanting something else and didn't want to admit it... Like maybe someone was after sex and tried to get there by means of dating someone and when they didn't put out on the 2nd date pull the plug. Not saying every guy is terrible but I think most of us aren't the big ball of sunshine we make ourselves out to be.

Now [MENTION=22821]NativeSon[/MENTION] your turn... quid pro quo tell me what you think about this topic...

[Cowboy]

Its hard to say, but it really depends on the disability, it would be hard to fall in love with a person and have to watch them struggle all the time. [MENTION=18789]artyboy[/MENTION] have you dated before?

[deephiance]

I feel like I have already replied somewhere in this discussion, my heart said go check and see if you have, my head said fuck off, just reply.

I don't tend to see a disability in the same manner as a majority of people would see it, I prefer to see ability, and by that I mean you are faced with a series of challenges, we all are, but how we approach those challenges is what defines your character.

Being wholey reliant on other people and using your disability as a crutch before even trying to attempt to meet a challenge would be a deal breaker, not the disability in itself.

A number of years back, my six-year-old son and I had gone shopping at one of those giant discount toy stores with toys piled to the ceiling. We had just come around the corner of an aisle when I saw a young, longhaired bearded man in a wheelchair.

He must have been in some terrible accident because both his legs were missing and his face was badly scarred. Just then my six-year-old saw him, too, and said in a loud voice, “Look at that man, Momma!”

I did the normal mother thing and tried to shush my son, telling him it was not polite to point; but my son gave a hard tug, broke free from my hand and went running down the aisle to the man in the wheelchair. He stood right in front of him and said in a loud voice, “What a cool dude earring, man! Where did you get such a neat earring?”

The young man broke into a grin that lit up his face. He was so taken aback by the compliment that he just glowed with happiness, and the two of them stood there talking awhile about his earring and other “cool stuff.” It made a lifelong impression on me.

For I had seen only a horribly scarred man in a wheelchair, but my six-year-old saw a man with a cool dude earring.

http://shareably.net/little-boy-and-man-...air-story/

having said all that, this topic brings back a memory of a video I watch a long while ago.

[NativeSon]

Now @NativeSon your turn... quid pro quo tell me what you think about this topic...

I almost don’t want to because I don’t feel you gave a clear-cut answer to my last question. (I thought it was a pretty simple question.)

But, like I already answered way back when, yes, I would date a disabled person. The original question was would you date a person, not with a mental condition or a serious and potentially fatal illness, but with a *physical disability.* I feel that as long as a person has a positive attitude about life, a physical disability itself would not be an impasse as far as exploring and developing a mutually loving relationship. If the disabled person were depressed or even angry about their condition, now that’s something I probably would not be able to handle successfully. In that case the most I'd be willing to offer would be a platonic friendship.

[Radbot42]

Honestly, it depends on the disability for me. Stuck in a wheel chair? Sure why not (hopefully everything works) add/adhd sure. These are the first two that poo into my head