I am really afraid

[Colettiguy]

I still haven't come out. I have come to the point where i am starting to get depressed because of this.
I have very good relationship with my family, but i can't even image how they would react if i told them im gay.
I have never had sex or had a boyfriend/girlfriend but i dont even care that much about it, i just want to be able to be ok with who i am and for others to accept me. I am fearful that if i do end up coming out i will most likely lose most of my friends or end up having really wierd relationship with them.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well I think there is always a little weirdness at first. First, what makes you believe that your family and friends would not accept you?

[MikeW]

I still haven't come out. I have come to the point where i am starting to get depressed because of this.
I have very good relationship with my family, but i can't even image how they would react if i told them im gay.
I have never had sex or had a boyfriend/girlfriend but i dont even care that much about it, i just want to be able to be ok with who i am and for others to accept me. I am fearful that if i do end up coming out i will most likely lose most of my friends or end up having really wierd relationship with them.

Welcome to GS. Don't be shy. Tell us why you're afraid your friends and family won't accept you. Of course, you may very well be right. But let's start with the question [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] asked you.

[Insertnamehere]

Yup, I'm in the same situation as you, although, as it seems not for much longer.

The risks are always there. You can lose people in your life, as easily as you may not. If you do, they were not any people you would want to keep around anyway. They won't care about the real you, hence, you shouldn't care about them or about losing them.

As for the parents, personally I don't give a fuck about them, but I do worry about my sister and what she can pull off in her predictable angry backlash. I don't care much for her either, emotionally speaking, but I'm sure some reactions induced by her can do heavy damage and I'd rather not risk that until I go away and not having to deal with them anymore.


It helps that I'm independent and self sufficient. If you are both those things, you shouldn't worry too much. If you aren't, work your way towards that before attempting to find out. Avoid a scenario in which there will be violence towards you, or you ending up in the streets.


As you say, being closeted starts taking a toll on you as the years go by. The loneliness ain't pretty. And it's not meant for you. Eventually, it would be best for you to just be you, some people need to make a statement and announce it. But, It doesn't have to be a massive ceremony, not everyone needs to know about it. Just a few key people that you deem necessary.

But do take your time in coming to terms with this. It's taken me long enough so I won't say anything about you regarding that. However, at some point you will be faced with a decision. Being miserable on the inside or facing potential risks on the outside which might no hapen at all.

[LONDONER]

If you came out and you find that some friends reject you then that means that they are not really friends at all.

[TigerLover]

Well your parents may be a legitimate concern and I'd echo the others in the thread who're asking for more details on them and their attitude towards gay people.

However your fears of people in general not accepting you are unrealistic and I think in time you'll look back on them as quite silly.

In modern America you'll find that most people are supportive of you and those who aren't will probably be shamed into silence.

That is unless you live in some backwards little town in hickory-dick Alabama or something. If so I'd recommend moving out of there before coming out.

[matty7]

bottling it up only takes a toll on your mental health mate - can you tell just one close friend who you trust ? just saying it to another person for the first time is such a relief and it doesn't mean you have to go on and tell anyone else until your ready - I would like to say with some kind of certainty that you will not loose all your friends either - ive seen that as a huge hurdle for some who have posted over the years here on gayspeak about coming out fears....your friends will surprise you....yes they may be some who are not happy or you may have a different relationship going forward with others but the majority will be either just happy for you or even indifferent as they just don't care if you are gay or not - either way you choose - good luck mate

[Gemini]

We'd all like to know more about your situation, but I'll reiterate what [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION] said: You need to be financially independent, able to manage on your own and support yourself, before you can go forward with coming out. I've heard too many horror stories about parents tossing their kids out onto the street, or forcing them into "conversion" therapy. It may well be that your parents are nothing like that, but you need to play it safe.

[Flyerboy95]

It may be a little strange at first, and that can be for yourself or for others. I remember feeling strange around my family at first, it's just one of those things that takes time to become used to.

What makes you think you would lose your family/friends? I remember before I came out I thought my family would absolutely hate me, mainly because of the horror stories I'd read online and became aware of, but it couldn't have been more positive. It's sometimes easy to think the worst is going to happen, maybe that's quite primitive or something, a survival technique, but it can be good to actually have a proper think about how they will react.

As for friends, if they don't still want to be your friends, well then they where never really your friend to begin with. And let's face it, I wouldn't want to be friends with somebody that shallow and narrow minded. I know that's easy to say from my position looking inwards, the thought of losing a good friend is much scarier when you're the one in the driving seat so to speak, but do think about that: if they are really your friend, you'll have nothing to worry about, and if they have an issue, they're not worth your time.

[Colettiguy]

I have no worries about financial independance. I have a job and can support myself. It makes sense when you say they are probably not my real friends if they don't accept me for who i am.
I think its not so much them not accepting me that is worryng me but me breaking that image of myself in their eyes (which is not real to begin with). I dont know how to explain it.
I will take Mattys advice for now and share it with one person for the time being.

Thanks everyone.