Is this normal and general suff

[Emiliano]

Im so nervous I want to talk to him more but I dont want to seem really needy, we just started talking last tuesday. I want to avoid seeming too interested, like a wierdo.

The fact that his brother is special needs scares me. I dont dislike special needs people but Ive never known any so I dont know how to act around them or what to say and I dont want to offend him or his brother. Ive been reading up in intellectual disabilities and I learned that many downs syndrome and ASD people can have strict routines and new things and people can stress them out. So I want to know the do's and don'ts but I dont want to ask Josh. Because he might think "Why are you asking so many questions about my brother, are you interested in me or him?". I hate making others feel uncomfortable.

Also the possibility of sex makes me nervous we are not there yet, but what if we do like each other alot and after a month or two we decided to have sex. At what point do I ask him about his preferences, when we are both naked is probably too late to ask top or bottom, right? How do you guys approach this?

Im just really awkward and stupid about this kind of stuff. Im pretty smooth when it comes to one night stands because its not deeper than sex for to me, but Josh seems really nice and I dont want to use him.
[MENTION=18789]artyboy[/MENTION] you have mentioned your physical disability before do you get annoyed when people want to know more about it?

Anybody else with family and friends with intellectual disabilities am I totally off base here, what do you think, is my concern valid? I know I sound like a basket case right now.

My brother is on the autism spectrum, but fairly low functioning and not very verbal. Living independently was never really a conversation my family has had to talk about. My mom is his primary caretaker, but she is supported by a part time nurse, a few close friends who have experience with people with developmental disabilities, and I help out occasionally too. I'm also a museum educator and one of my primary roles at the museum I work for is working with visitors who have special needs, including a lot of work with ASD and Down's syndrome.

Just saying, if he lives at home and is acting as the caretaker for his brother, then his brother is a big part of his life, and it's safe to say he probably loves him a lot. Being honest with him that you don't want to upset his brother but are curious about him, probably won't offend him. Through work and my private life, I've met many caretakers and families with members who have disabilities, and most tend to welcome the chance to educate others about those disabilities and clear up misconceptions and stereotypes around them.

On the other hand, since he lives at home and acts as a caretaker, it's probably nice for him to get out, to be able to focus on himself, and to take his mind off that stuff. With that in mind, you may want to wait for him to bring up his brother to you again before you start asking a lot of questions.

But definitely if you're invited to his house or in a position where you know you'll meet his brother, or if he just brings his brother up a lot, it's not inappropriate to ask him if his brother has any sensitivities, like sensory stuff (loud sounds, not wanting to be touched) or any behaviors or things that might make him uncomfortable. It's also nice to frame things in the positive - to ask what he likes vs what he doesn't like. To ask what he can do and enjoys doing, vs asking what his limitations are.

And if you do meet his brother, remember to talk to him in an age appropriate way. If he's a kid, talk to him like he's a kid, if he's a teen, then like he's a teen, if he's an adult, then as an adult. It really bothers me to see people talking to my brother like he's a toddler - no one likes being talked down to, or seeing their loved ones talked down to. Especially if this guy is pretty high functioning.

I think it's ok to be honest and say what you wrote here, that you don't have much experience with people with special needs, but you really like this guy, and you want to be sure you are doing what you can to make sure everyone is comfortable with you being around. Since you don't know the brothers diagnosis, and because every person is an individual, I'd leave it to the guy youre interested to tell you about his brother, rather than trying to read up on different disabilities yourself. Let him take the lead in informing you, just let him know that you're curious but supportive.

[Doc]

[MENTION=21558]Emiliano[/MENTION] thank you this was great advice, I'll let him bring it up when he is ready. My family has never been a very important part of my life, even as a child. I know I just met Josh but I can tell he really loves his. As we get to know each other better and if he asks me to become a part of his life then his family will become a big part of my life too. They are a package deal and I think Im ok with that. I know its still early but I want to prepare for any future outcomes.
Again thank you so much.

[Insertnamehere]

Stress and anxiety can mess up a whole lot of things for you, physiologically speaking. Cortisol fucks you up while trying to keep you alive, funny enough. 

My guess is that the entire process of facing your sexuality has been inductive to both those things.

[Doc]

That was weeks ago motherfucker

Just foolin, I have resolved it I think it was gay related stress.

[Camfer]

Here's the thing about coming out to yourself "later" in life. When you come out, you're right back at dating as if you are 16 all over again. It's totally normal to feel awkward, nervous, stupid, excited, infatuated, crazy, etc. Over time as you gain more experience dating men you will get a better handle on all the emotions headed your way.

You're doing fine it seems. Keep us posted and good luck!

[Doc]

I asked Josh over to my house for dinner tomorrow and he said yes! Thanks [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] that was good advice.

Ok What should I cook spaghetti or fried chicken? I make and can my own sauce using tomatoes, bell peppers, onions, basil and oregano from my own garden, Im am very proud of it not only because its good but also because I make it the old fashioned way with ingredients I grew in my own backyard. I make good fried chicken, its as simple as that. Josh is a Georgia boy so fried chicken might suit him just fine. Also should I get wine I dont want to send the wrong message, I also know nothing about wine.

I dont wanna toot my own horn, but Im probably the greatest cook there is, or ever will be

[Jason]

Don't go crazy on garlic, if you catch my drift

[Doc]

Well you mention he's a student. In times like these a lot of people are moving/staying with their folks trying to save money. I wouldn't read too much into it until you learn more.

But yea, breathe, take it slow, don't set expectations yet. Remember if you go there and it doesn't work you, you still have to be in class with him. You know you have at least that long to get to know each other. If nothing else make a new friend ya know?

Shifty keep reading on bro Im so over that shit.

[MENTION=24242]Jason[/MENTION] I dont get it?

[Jason]

[MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION] In case you guys end up kissing, wouldn't want garlic on each others breath.

[ShiftyNJ]

Shifty keep reading on bro Im so over that shit.

@Jason I dont get it?

Yea I just woke up and i'm on pain meds, figured out what i idid too late LOL

And regarding the garlic, if you're planning on any later you don't want too much of it