Age Gap: Worry about after my partner passes away.

[simpsonsmug]

Hi everyone. I seriously need your advise.

I am dating my boyfriend who is 11 years old older than me. We get along and we've been together for over 6 years now. But, as the title reads, I constantly worry about being alone after my partner passes away.

For an argument sake, if we live until the same age, I will be without him for 11 years. I am worried about being alone for almost a decade. I really want continue to be with him, but this thought about being alone for a long time when I get older really worries me. Does anybody have a same concern? Please give me your advice. Thank you.

[deephiance]

stop worrying about what you can't change and concentrate on what you can change.

MAKE MEMORIES

[TigerLover]

That's like worrying whether it's going to rain tomorrow. Either it will rain or it won't rain and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

However you can prepare for it. Be sure to maintain good friendships and socialise so you'll have support and company if the worst does hapen. Take lots of photos but most importantly

MAKE MEMORIES

[CorsacReborn]

You should stop worrying about this. The important thing is that you make the best life you can with your partner as no one has any idea of what will happen in the future.

[princealbertofb]

I think it's normal to worry but you can't let that guide your life. You can prepare in some ways for someone passing -- even someone younger than yourself -- so why don't you voice these concerns to your 'older' partner and see how you can both take provisions for a time when one of you will be left behind grieving?

For the rest, I'd say you should cross that bridge when you get there. There's no telling how either of you will need to grieve and mourn once you face the other's death, and -- who knows? -- you might be the first to die, though statistically it's probably logical to hope that you both have similar life expectancies.

To illustrate this point, I never expected my mother to die in her early eighties, I really didn't. I dealt with the mourning as I felt I could at the time. I still miss her, of course. Now, my father, I would have expected to kick the bucket before mum did, and yet some 8 years on, he's still quite alive and fortunately in pretty good health for an octogenarian. So what I'm saying is, don't fret about someone dying and how you'll cope, and start preparing yourself for anyone-you-care-for's departure from this planet. The one thing is to talk about it, joke about it, and if necessary to make financial and material provisions for whoever is left outliving the partnership.

Take care, and do discuss this with him. I think it would help your peace of mind and sanity, but be aware that some people find it very hard to talk about death.

[InbetweenDreams]

We're all here for a finite amount of time that is unknown to us. Yeah he's a 11 years older but I could get hit by a semi-truck tomorrow....but hopefully not.

I mean it is a rational to think about it, no one wants to be alone in the end but sometimes it happens and as others have said, make memories. Don't put things off. Right now I wish I was with someone to make memories with. I just turned 30 a few months back and I guess it is something psychological about the number but I feel that I have robbed myself of having a more, vibrant life, I guess. Can't spend all my time whining about the past, but I do feel that I'm stuck in a infinite loop, day in and day out...go to work, come home, repeat and it bothers me.

Anyway, quit worrying about what's ahead or what's behind, now is the time that matters the most because you can't change the past or control the future.

[princealbertofb]

We're all here for a finite amount of time that is unknown to us. Yeah he's a 11 years older but I could get hit by a semi-truck tomorrow....but hopefully not.

I mean it is a rational to think about it, no one wants to be alone in the end but sometimes it happens and as others have said, make memories. Don't put things off. Right now I wish I was with someone to make memories with. I just turned 30 a few months back and I guess it is something psychological about the number but I feel that I have robbed myself of having a more, vibrant life, I guess. Can't spend all my time whining about the past, but I do feel that I'm stuck in a infinite loop, day in and day out...go to work, come home, repeat and it bothers me.

Anyway, quit worrying about what's ahead or what's behind, now is the time that matters the most because you can't change the past or control the future.

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION], maybe you mean 'irrational' ?? Just wondering.

[princealbertofb]

We're all here for a finite amount of time that is unknown to us. Yeah he's a 11 years older but I could get hit by a semi-truck tomorrow....but hopefully not.

I mean it is a rational to think about it, no one wants to be alone in the end but sometimes it happens and as others have said, make memories. Don't put things off. Right now I wish I was with someone to make memories with. I just turned 30 a few months back and I guess it is something psychological about the number but I feel that I have robbed myself of having a more, vibrant life, I guess. Can't spend all my time whining about the past, but I do feel that I'm stuck in a infinite loop, day in and day out...go to work, come home, repeat and it bothers me.

Anyway, quit worrying about what's ahead or what's behind, now is the time that matters the most because you can't change the past or control the future.

Indeed, you can't and shouldn't because that would be a sure way to get steeped in depression. And for the record many of us in the gay world have not been able or are not able (even today) to have that dreamt-of life where we have the perfect partner and are still young and beautiful. Some of us managed to reach our forties and fifties and sixties and still managed to find a partner in the end. So, don't despair.

[jimcrackcorn]

As is the case with most couples,,, one will die before the other...

You can't prevent it, so all you can do is prepare for the eventual outcome.

Good luck,
Jim

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION], maybe you mean 'irrational' ?? Just wondering.

It is rational to have those thoughts but irrational to keep thinking about it... However, we humans tend to be irrational one way or another...