Age Gap: Worry about after my partner passes away.

[kindy64]

What makes you think that you will or should be alone after your partner passes away?

I just got divorced 2 years ago at the age of 50. If I let my fear of being alone control me, I wouldn't have gotten divorced and instead put up with being in a miserable situation (and probably cheated to fulfil my "needs.") Whose to say that after he passes away, you can't find another person to be with.

Now, I have a relationship with a man who I absolutely adore, and he me. He doesn't think he will live past his 20's, so even though I'm older by 30 years, he gives me the impression he will die first. There's also the possibility that we could split apart, it happens, already been through it.

Plan appropriately for the future event of either of you passing away, through insurance, wills, and such. (One thing I made sure to do is put him as a co-beneficiary on my life insurance policy with my son.)

Otherwise, don't worry about stuff you have no control over. Live and enjoy the moments you have with him. Don't let fear decide your fate.

[Darius]

You might die 10 years before him.

[Dan1980]

Don't spend your time worrying about what will happen, enjoy your time with him.

[Justaguy]

It's understandable why you have these concerns but ultimately if you have found someone who truly makes you happy then isn't that worth it in the end? Would you rather have someone who you felt a lesser connection with but who may (or may not) pass away at a closer time to you?

[Cuddly]

I think about this too, sometimes. We have a 30 year age gap though.

My grandmother outlived her husband by 15 years or more. I don't think that's uncommon either. With that in mind, it seems rather silly to worry about poorly synchronized times of death.

[Camfer]

Welcome to the forum [MENTION=24149]simpsonsmug[/MENTION]. A quick heads up here that in order to prevent spambots on this site, users with less than 50 posts are subject to random automatic moderation. So when you write back it might take a while for it to post, or it might not. If you want to get past this stage on this forum, head over to the word games and post 50 times in there. Then you will not be subject to random moderation.

Your question is a good one. Eleven years age difference is perhaps not as great as you think. Are you a smoker and he not? Smokers die ten years earlier than non-smokers, statistically speaking. Lifestyle and genetics are significant factors.

But, as you posed the question, you are worried you outlive your partner by 11 years and that you will be alone all this time. This points to the need for you to have a good circle of friends and a rich life outside of your partner. So while it may not be easy after the passing of your partner for quite some time, you can at least not be isolated and alone.

[I am on the opposite side of this equation. I am 19 years older than my partner. I make a point to keep healthy and active so we have as many years together as possible.]

I know one couple who each lost their spouse in old age. As single people they started traveling and staying at elder hostels in Europe. It was in one of these hostels that they met. They started traveling together. Eventually, they married in their 70s and had a good 12 years together. They were of similar age. He outlived her and did not remarry a 3rd time. He is in his 90s now. He still has daily activities outside the house every day.

It's good to think about how you might live if your partner is gone no matter the age difference. Life is full of uncertainties. It will be surely be easier to handle if it happens with a strong circle of family and friends plus some kind of life now that is independent of your partner.

[I am on the opposite side of this equation. I am 19 years old than my partner. I make a point to keep healthy and active so we have as many good years together as we can.]

[simpsonsmug]

Thank you everyone for all your advice!!

[MikeW]

...
I am dating my boyfriend who is 11 years old older than me. We get along and we've been together for over 6 years now. But, as the title reads, I constantly worry about being alone after my partner passes away.
...

I realize this is an old thread and you've already gotten good responses. I'm someone who has outlived two partner's. The first, only three years older than I, died of a brain tumor in 1997. The second, ten years YOUNGER than I, died of a heart attack in 2010. The point being just because someone is older doesn't mean THEY are going to die before you do. As others have said, life doesn't come with ANY guarantees. NONE of us know what tomorrow may bring. For this reason it is a good idea to truly value what you DO have while you have it. Nothing lasts. All things pass away, including ourselves.

[InbetweenDreams]

That and I'll add...perhaps again... 11 years, in the grand scheme of things isn't really that much of a difference..

[oedipus0612]

Ok, I am new to this site so I don't know if am doing things correctly, but ....
I have been there. I am now an older man who lost my partner from a stroke several years ago. Yes it terrible to think about going on without him. But unless he is in poor health look at what you have now with him. Why look to enjoying every minute you have now and let the future come as it will. If you keep looking and the possible negatives, you can't really enjoy the present positives.
As for me -- I said that I had been there losing my partner.... OK... I moped around and shut myself off from everyone know that this was the end.... However, a few friends forced me into doing something new and crazy and I met a man that I have fallen in love with. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE ... ENJOY THE PRESENT.