How to get over social fears?

[Ibex]

Someone somewhere else said that to get over being shy you have to force yourself to go out among people. Go clubbing, go to pubs and such. Go to events. Maybe not go to clubs and such at first, but go to minor events, like events that are related to your interests.

[artyboy]

With me more I think about it the worse it gets, so I just push myself through it and get on with it.

[LJay]

Sorry to upset, [MENTION=23142]Aquarius[/MENTION]. Not even the most skilful therapist could come up with a single solution that would fit everyone. I just thought the list had some ideas, not that all of them applied.

[kindy64]

I do have a female friend like that, but I can't talk about gay / guy things with her, so I hope to find a male equivalent.

Well, I would suggest, you probably can talk to her about such things. She may not offer advice, but a sympathetic ear.

[kindy64]

My question goes out to everyone who has / who had social anxiety and how you have overcome it?
Did you eventually meet new friends who are really close to you?
Are social media good or bad to overcome barriers and to get to know people?

I am definitely not over my own social anxiety. I have partially overcome some aspects of it.

I had a general fear of approaching strangers and talking to them. So, I made myself talk to every stranger I met.

Waiter or waitress, how's your day, sure is hot/cold/rainy. If I was at a bar, I'd chat with the person next to me, or at least say hello and introduce myself. Waiting in line at the grocery store, like last night after work, "sure would be nice if the self-checkouts were open at the other end of the store."

I've yet to do the same for my fear of being on the phone. My therapist suggested I take a week or so, and just call people. Friends, family, call up help lines for online stores.

Most of it is acclimating oneself against one's fear of rejection (I think.) Breaking the major issue down into smaller bites might help too.

I've had friends throughout my life who I got close to. It takes time, sharing, and an equal commitment to be friends. I don't tend to overly share one-to-one, especially in person, until I am very comfortable with the friendship.

My new roommate and I are becoming such friends. Although I've been keeping my emotional distance until he proves himself a bit more. I also don't want to put him in the middle with regards to my fiance and I.

Social media is a good ice breaker, good for keeping in touch, but I generally think it's crap for meeting new people (YMMV.) I'm not good at going out and doing things. Mainly because I've got a busy life, and am constantly broke. Meetup.com is a great place to find people to do things with. Just search in your area for your hobbies, sports, things you are interested in. You'll find groups, with or without the gay qualifier.

Some good tips here too http://nymag.com/speed/2016/12/how-to-ma...aster.html

[larafan25]

Yes, your shyness is not bound to your issues.

What is or isn't normal/ weird is subjective. You do not know what others are feeling or thinking, and so it's really your own judgement (although an educated judgement) of yourself that is creating these feelings of anxiety.

When you are entering a social situation that you have anxiety about, you need to remove yourself as the subject, and enter as the witness. In other words, realize that you are a consciousness, like everyone else. And that you can be conscious of what you consider to be yourself, as others can be. This means your thoughts, feelings, body, memories, etc... You can become aware of these things, and realize that they no longer need to have an affect on the situation, if you desire them not to. From this new perspective of detachment from "yourself" you can become more curious and excited to engage in the social situation, no matter how it pans out. You want to witness it because it has no damage on your sense of you. You are simply a perceiver, and that is fun.

Suddenly, your ability to speak, to use words to communicate, to use actions, to move about, to live, is more of a practical strategic opportunity than it is "social survival" if you will.

To get into this adventurous perspective, ponder and realize that you are alive right now and that you have this moment and any upcoming experiences to use as practice. You have so many opportunities to live, to experience feelings and weird or awkward scenarios, all of which are valuable. And, now that you know your sense of self cannot be diminished by others, or "killed" you are more interested in experiencing life as a witness as opposed to the subject of any attacks or scrutiny.