Should I break up with him?

[MisterLonely]

Okay, I know it's waaaaay too soon to be cutting ties, but I'm currently in a long-distance-relationship with a guy. We've only been dating for 2 months and a half. but the thing is, I noticed how he's been more distant and acting colder day after day... and honestly, it's bothering me so much. It's like he's not into me anymore like he used to be in the beginning. Also, I noticed how he sorta ignores my messages on Facebook (unless I type in all caps and ask him what the hell is going on), only to get an ass response from him such as "Oh, sorry. I was just watching a movie. Go back to sleep", which of course pisses me off.

Judging from his actions it shows that he doesn't prioritize me as much as I'd like--putting other things/activities way before me. On top of that, our text messaging are now starting to get shorter and shorter as well, and video calls had shortened to 1 hour to a mere 20 minutes (btw, 80% of the time it's ME who has to initiate a video call, not him). Clearly the dude is losing interest in me. Why can't he just straight-up tell me that to my face? I put so much effort into the relationship and give it my ALL to him, yet, he doesn't return the same affections to me, leading me to feel that the relationship is one-sided. At this point... I don't think the relationship will last, but I hope I'm wrong.

If it makes a difference, he was honest with me at the beginning that he didn't find me "sexually attractive", but that looks didn't matter to him since at the end of the day it's the heart that matters. Yeah yeah, sure buddy, he knows that looks DO matter to a certain extent. Why can't he just admit it?! Don't understand why he has to lie to my face.

Right now I'm in a dilemma, trying to decide whether I should either A) Dump him and find a new boyfriend who ACTUALLY loves me, or B) Give it a few more months to see if anything would change for the better. As a matter of fact, love does take time to grow, am I correct? Maybe I'm being too impatient in the relationship. But then again, I'm still unsure what to do at this point.

Any advice/suggestions would be highly appreciated!

[InbetweenDreams]

If everything you say is completely objective and true, then yeah I wouldn't waste my time. I mean first, get it all on the table. There might be some other explanation for him becoming distant and long distance relationships are a bit disadvantage but in some cases can work out but seems to be a bit rare, not trying to knock your hopes of a successful relationship.

However, I do fear that from what you're saying this doesn't sound good. I doubt things will change most likely.

At any rate don't break up with him because of my or someone else's advice on here, do what is right for you and trust your instincts.

[TigerLover]

You need to communicate with him. Take the concerns you've posted here and state them politely and calmly.

Is he happy with the pace of the relationship?
Has he changed his mind about having a long distance relationship?
Has he lost interest in you?

You don't know and you wont know until you ask him. Just be nice about it, he hasn't actually done anything wrong yet it's only been two months.

[MisterLonely]

If everything you say is completely objective and true, then yeah I wouldn't waste my time. I mean first, get it all on the table. There might be some other explanation for him becoming distant and long distance relationships are a bit disadvantage but in some cases can work out but seems to be a bit rare, not trying to knock your hopes of a successful relationship.

However, I do fear that from what you're saying this doesn't sound good. I doubt things will change most likely.

At any rate don't break up with him because of my or someone else's advice on here, do what is right for you and trust your instincts.

His "distant" behavior has only started very recently. Oh, and one thing that I totally forgot to mention in my post is that he had an anal rupture 2 weeks ago which he was forced to be surgically operated on, causing him immense pain after the surgery. But now that he has mostly recovered, his "distant" behavior is still lingering.

Is this just a phase? You say he'll likely not change, but for some reason I feel like under certain circumstances he will get back to normal and will once again return to his loving self.

You need to communicate with him. Take the concerns you've posted here and state them politely and calmly.

Is he happy with the pace of the relationship?
Has he changed his mind about having a long distance relationship?
Has he lost interest in you?

You don't know and you wont know until you ask him. Just be nice about it, he hasn't actually done anything wrong yet it's only been two months.

I kinda did, but he kept pushing me away and avoids answering my questions directly. It's really frustrating to say the least.

But last night I told him about my parents' approval of him, which he was quite happy about. So...does that kinda shows he cares about the relationship at least? He's been telling me for so long now to talk to my parents about him and get them to approve our relationship, before he even sets out to come to America and live with me permanently.

[deephiance]

a distinct lack of respect would have had me walking a long time ago.

[InbetweenDreams]

His "distant" behavior has only started very recently. Oh, and one thing that I totally forgot to mention in my post is that he had an anal rupture 2 weeks ago which he was forced to be surgically operated on, causing him immense pain after the surgery. But now that he has mostly recovered, his "distant" behavior is still lingering.

Is this just a phase? You say he'll likely not change, but for some reason I feel like under certain circumstances he will get back to normal and will once again return to his loving self.




I kinda did, but he kept pushing me away and avoids answering my questions directly. It's really frustrating to say the least.

But last night I told him about my parents' approval of him, which he was quite happy about. So...does that kinda shows he cares about the relationship at least? He's been telling me for so long now to talk to my parents about him and get them to approve our relationship, before he even sets out to come to America and live with me permanently.

Is he a bottom...or was he a bottom, that whole thing might have really got in his head. I can see how that might ruin being a bottom for me...

Are you suspicious that there might be something else going as far as him being distant?

His anal rupture was not due to sex right? He hasn't given you any other reason to not trust him otherwise?

[MisterLonely]

Is he a bottom...or was he a bottom, that whole thing might have really got in his head. I can see how that might ruin being a bottom for me...

Are you suspicious that there might be something else going as far as him being distant?

His anal rupture was not due to sex right? He hasn't given you any other reason to not trust him otherwise?

That's what I was thinking, too.

I told him to be honest with me and asked him if he was fooling around with other guys, but he said he wasn't and that the anal rupture was due to something else, perhaps something he ate, etc. Of course I don't buy his BS at all. Sounds kinda sketchy if you ask me. But for some reason idk why I'm still in a relationship with him... maybe I'm just desperate, lol.

Recently he changed his facebook password, so I no longer have access to his account. The reason I had his password in the first place was so that I can check his messages in case he's flirting with other guys. And yes, this was at the same time when he had the anal surgery, too. When I asked him for his password again, he refused to give it to me.

Does that sound like a red flag to you? I know I should probably dump him... but like, I sorta wanted to continue the relationship a little further just to see what happens. Right now it's too quick to jump to conclusions without having all the proof/evidence at hand.

Idk, it's kinda 50/50 at the moment. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for a possible heartbreak...counting down the days until we break up. Ugh, it's so nerve-wrecking.

[InbetweenDreams]

That's what I was thinking, too.

I told him to be honest with me and asked him if he was fooling around with other guys, but he said he wasn't and that the anal rupture was due to something else, perhaps something he ate, etc. Of course I don't buy his BS at all. Sounds kinda sketchy if you ask me. But for some reason idk why I'm still in a relationship with him... maybe I'm just desperate, lol.

Recently he changed his facebook password, so I no longer have access to his account. The reason I had his password in the first place was so that I can check his messages in case he's flirting with other guys. And yes, this was at the same time when he had the anal surgery, too. When I asked him for his password again, he refused to give it to me.

Does that sound like a red flag to you? I know I should probably dump him... but like, I sorta wanted to continue the relationship a little further just to see what happens. Right now it's too quick to jump to conclusions without having all the proof/evidence at hand.

Idk, it's kinda 50/50 at the moment. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for a possible heartbreak...counting down the days until we break up. Ugh, it's so nerve-wrecking.

Well to be honest I see a big lack of trust. There's no reason that you need his Facebook password unless you don't trust him.

Desperation can lead to a lot of mistrust and just feeling awful and can make someone suffocate and push someone away...because of the confirmation bias a change in someone's behavior only confirms someone's suspicion that something in right. I'm saying that generally speaking, not saying there isn't something up. I don't know what else might have been going on between you and him but given that it is a long distance relationship (a guy who lives in another country?) and that there's this level of mistrust I think the writing is probably on the wall. However, before making any rash decisions I think a better understanding of your relationship with this guy, say prior to all of this... I mean the thing about giving advice on here, to try to give good decent advice, need to know the bigger picture. I think we're often too fast to be Liz Lemon and say that's a dealbreaker...



If I ever find myself in a relationship I would feel that I need to be able to trust him, trust that he doesn't cheat and give him the freedom he wants. I shouldn't need to keep tabs on him, it's not fair.

If he is fooling around with other guys and he's in another country, why do you suppose he doesn't break it off with you?

[MisterLonely]

Well to be honest I see a big lack of trust. There's no reason that you need his Facebook password unless you don't trust him.

Desperation can lead to a lot of mistrust and just feeling awful and can make someone suffocate and push someone away...because of the confirmation bias a change in someone's behavior only confirms someone's suspicion that something in right. I'm saying that generally speaking, not saying there isn't something up. I don't know what else might have been going on between you and him but given that it is a long distance relationship (a guy who lives in another country?) and that there's this level of mistrust I think the writing is probably on the wall. However, before making any rash decisions I think a better understanding of your relationship with this guy, say prior to all of this... I mean the thing about giving advice on here, to try to give good decent advice, need to know the bigger picture. I think we're often too fast to be Liz Lemon and say that's a dealbreaker...

If I ever find myself in a relationship I would feel that I need to be able to trust him, trust that he doesn't cheat and give him the freedom he wants. I shouldn't need to keep tabs on him, it's not fair.

If he is fooling around with other guys and he's in another country, why do you suppose he doesn't break it off with you?

He told me so many times that he has only me and no one else. He reassures me that he's loyal no matter what, would never leave me behind. Also... he cried one time during a video chat when he was saying how he wished we had met sooner because I totally changed his life (I brought light and love into his life--according to his words). Although despite all of this, I still have trust issues from time to time... why? Because he hangs out for coffee drinks with his "gay friends" every week. There's one gay man, in particular, who's considered his best friend and they often go out on coffee dates together. But he claims it's just his best friend.

Yes, there may be a lot of sweetness and tenderness between us at beginning of the relationship. But now he's suddenly cold as ice for the past 2 weeks.

Maybe I should give him more space? Perhaps he has other emotional issues that needs to be dealt with.

[InbetweenDreams]

He told me so many times that he has only me and no one else. He reassures me that he's loyal no matter what, would never leave me behind. Also... he cried one time during a video chat when he was saying how he wished we had met sooner because I totally changed his life (I brought light and love into his life--according to his words). Although despite all of this, I still have trust issues from time to time... why? Because he hangs out for coffee drinks with his "gay friends" every week. There's one gay man, in particular, who's considered his best friend and they often go out on coffee dates together. But he claims it's just his best friend.

Yes, there may be a lot of sweetness and tenderness between us at beginning of the relationship. But now he's suddenly cold as ice for the past 2 weeks.

Maybe I should give him more space? Perhaps he has other emotional issues that needs to be dealt with.

I think you might give him more space and relax on him having gay friends that he hangs out with. Most of my friends are gay guys and I haven't fucked them so, there's that...no not saying nothing is happening but just because he has gay friends doesn't mean he's screwing around.

Also have to think that if you're suffocating him with your mistrust, he probably talks to his friends about it and they might be giving him similar advice as I have experienced in past relationships. Any time I had issues with a relationship often the advice was always to ditch them, now I often go against advice and sometimes they're right and sometimes they're wrong and that's mainly because they only got my part of the story.

I think if there is any hope for a long distance relationship is communication...from both sides. It's when we don't communicate well is when we stop trusting each other...