Emiliano Wrote:What does it mean to you to be white? How aware are you of your whiteness? Do you feel any sort of racial identity as a white person? How often are you reminded that you are white? What do you associate whiteness with? Are you proud of your race? How does being white effect your life and interactions? What do you think other white people or non white people assume about you when they see you coming down the street? Have you ever come across a non white person who seems to have a racial fetish for white people? How do you feel about the idea of someone having a racial fetish for your whiteness?
I know this wasn't addressed to me, but I thought you might be interested.
I didn't think about my whiteness for a long time because it didn't matter. I did not come from a racial group that had to band together at times in relative solidarity, nor did I have to think "How do my actions make all white people look?" Racially speaking, the system was tailored made for me (and though there are people who hate whites, they typically have little power with the system or hindered me in the job market, and also a lot less tolerance for their racist BS than white people get for ours), and it didn't even occur to me that it was different for other racial groups.
I did notice some things. For example, in all white classes the teachers tended to act different and teach it differently (an extreme example is a teacher, white of course, who would try to get us to use proper English by "talking black" and asking if we wanted to sound like that). Even when classes were racially mixed it became more passive aggressive, like how Black History Month was subverted to damn with faint praise (and turned out to have lies of omission) in a way that if anyone complained then they could play innocent (and that still goes on in at least a few schools today), and though I was aware that slavery was worse than it was presented (and even challenged the views presented) I was still more angry at Yankee carpetbaggers than slavery (and was given a false impression of the Civil War as well)...and it wasn't until I read
My Bondage and My Freedom by Frederick Douglass that I realized just how much I'd been lied to (not only by omission, but straight up lied to).
When I was 13, I met another girl my age, an outcast, who was born Vietnamese but was raised by white parents. It startled me how she had a Texas accent, and really was white (culturally speaking) in all ways, but an outcast because of her body (though we outcasts stuck together in that small Bible Belt town). People of the town condemned the white parents who adopted her (I would guess from a refugee "boat people" who experienced terrible conditions in refugee camps, down to living in cages like animals at the pound, and extremely impoverished with it all too easy for parents to die, so adopting an infant and rescuing her from that should be praiseworthy rather than condemned), and the reason for that is because the girl would not belong to any culture. IOW, the people in town were such assholes and the merciful white parents should've known what assholes they'd be and therefore left the girl in Asia, and this is all the adoptive parents fault rather than the townsfolk.
As a runaway on the streets later, I was given the advice that if the cops down on us, run from anyone black because they're first (and then Hispanic, etc). And that worked (though just barely, backup did come and perhaps the only reason I got away was because I quickly ducked into a convenience store, bought a single candy bar and asked for a large sack, and then walked away from where the cops were rounding us up with my face covered and acting as if I was carrying a heavy bag of groceries, but I only got that slight break that allowed that because I ran from the black guy with us and the was the first priority of the cops). Heck, some of our scams involved racial assumptions (we usually had to use punks or some such, but a black guy acting stereotypical black while making a scene was the best distraction, though it certainly didn't help racial matters--but we were kids on the streets so we did what we had to do to survive).
It angers me to remember the cop who stopped to harass the black guy who was with me as he was obviously angry that a black guy was with a blonde girl, and accused him of horrible things, though I'm sure it was just as well I didn't ask him why that same cop didn't go after the black guy who everyone knew was pimping (and had sent his own people out to kidnap me), though of course that pimp had connections and paid bribes (including sex favors of enslaved girls) to cops. And that black guy who was with me did more to protect me from that pimp than the entire police force did.
That reminds me. I was sexually assaulted when I was 13, though I did successfully defend myself and get away before it got too bad (though I was punished horrendously for it, but at least I wasn't actually raped). It's amazing how many can show sympathy and all but then get especially disturbed when they find out the guy who assaulted me then was black (one even demanding to know why I didn't tell him and it was honestly because it didn't occur to me, this was a mental ward in which other orderlies of multiple races went to help him while one punched me in the gut and took to a corrective area where a white woman began brainwashing me to blame myself in order to protect the hospital in which I was attacked so to me it was just all the adults, not just a black man). I get this impression that I'm obligated to make white babies, which disturbs me, especially as sometimes there's a tone that maybe I should be forced to.
And I have been told outright I needed to make babies for various demographics that sounded rather callous (and protective of any hypothetical children of mine being exploited by them), and even heard a right wing radio talk show host saying women should be encouraged to have babies because the nation needs more soldiers and taxpayers (IOW, like a cattle rancher).
Anyway, I knew that white was generally a privileged status (though I had other marks against me, but I caught a big break on race) but I didn't realize how bad it was. Generally speaking, white people don't think someone is racist as long as they're not being violent or terrorizing people. I have a relative who would never see a black doctor and thought a black person as POTUS would be disastrous, but thought burning crosses or dragging someone to death behind a vehicle over race was disgusting and was genuinely nice and accepting of black people in more modest positions (and having no power or authority over her). So in her own eyes she wasn't racist at all. But of course they needed to know their place (just as women did, etc) and not stray from that. (She was also one of those who blamed the white parents who had adopted a Vietnamese baby for the way she and others shunned the girl.)
My favorite restaurant around there was secretly owned by a black guy who pretended to be the cook and hired white people who pretended to run it, because it was acceptable to have him as the cook, but not the owner, and I recall reading of advice given that essentially said it was the same way even in Silicon Valley for black people who wanted to start their own business. But this is more informal rather than systematic, and as that generally doesn't affect white people, its reaching effects just aren't seen. It's not right and I never said it was, but I also never thought of it because it did not impact me, and therefore underestimated the pressures of being of a minority race in the USA. (This, of course, just being one of many ways POC are held back.)
But then I became close to a group in which I was the only white person among them. I picked up a lot, and I even noticed things that they didn't, such as how different many white people acted when I was by myself and when one of them was with me. I saw how much they endured, but in a more "death by a thousand paper cuts" way rather than being stomped outright. They were also pressured not be sound angry or bitter about it because that would only make it worse. Even then it took years before it really sank in.
Even years later when it did I'd still learn more stuff. Like back when Kanye West took the microphone from Taylor Swift and was being a jerk, I commented to my friend with me (who is black) that it's good to see chivalry is alive as the view was of the audience where women (white) were seeming to enjoy this but I saw a black man who looked horrified. And she told me that it was much more likely he was worried about Kanye West promoting a very negative image about black men that now all who are black would have to endure with him (and unlike Kanye they're not rich) than he was disturbed that a pretty woman got treated like that by a rude man.
And after that I paid attention to see it was true enough, unlike white people the actions of races (especially if they were negative) effected everyone else of their race, and was so ridiculous that when one mass shooter turned out to be black that the comments was that this was normal never mind that the vast majority of mass shooters are white (and white mass shooters were dismissed as an anomaly while a black mass shooter was seen as "typical" though such is not). That is, a white person does something bad and its on the individual that did it. Someone of a minority race does something bad and its on the entire race.
When I volunteered to help the homeless and those very close to being that way, we helped a lot of white people as well as of every other race, and yet it's supposed to be normal for those not white (and maybe not a "model minority"), when it wasn't--and that's despite the extra hurdles they have. Of course when one does overcome all the hurdles, it supposed to be seen as proof that everyone can make it "just as easily" as all those extra hurdles are invisible to most white people, and had been to me until I was in my mid-20s (though I'd seen them in effect before I just assumed without thinking that such was the exception and not the rule, and dismissed common racism as "there are jerks everywhere" and "everyone gets treated unfairly for stupid reasons at some point" which is true enough, but overlooking a lot).
I'm tempted to go on about what I've noticed of people complaining of "quotas" and such, but I'm getting really tired of typing. So let me add that I know there's racism against white people in the USA as well, but that it's not actually systematic (and when I lived in a minority neighborhood, I found it much easier than them to leave it in so many ways, and have) and that there's a lot of racism against each other. An ex-girlfriend of mine comes from a family furious about being called Asian American because they don't want to be put in the same group as the Japanese, for example, and my own previously mentioned friend who is black is sometimes called an "oreo" (that is "white on the inside") by her own family. Having been around some vicious black criminals (and lost my best friend to the same pimp that tried adding me to his stable as well) I despise most gangsta rap and those who think it's cool to be a black thug (but then plenty of black people also hate that), not that I'm accepting of thugs of any other race (nor do I assume someone is a thug for being black).
And just so you're not surprised, I can argue people who talk about "microaggression" and make a mountain out of molehills, IMO, though I also tend to give more of a benefit of a doubt than I used to and am willing to listen...but there had better be a good reason for it. My upbringing was such that I don't see being a victim as the same as being virtuous, and I see little point in whining over small crap (though I know the small crap can really build up), and sometimes I think people are being downright counterproductive in their attempts to correct the injustices of society.
That said, I want to finish off by saying that I like how calm you've remained and how much effort you've put into being clear. I get the impression it took a lot of effort and consideration, and it's praiseworthy, IMO.
I may add more later (feel free to ask me questions), but I'm utterly exhausted right now from typing.
Is it racist to have a dating preference?
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Gemini
