Just as things start to look up, everything falls apart

[Anonymous]

Things have been good for the last few weeks and then I made a big mistake with my boyfriend. He wants to slow things down. I am the type of guy who wants contact on the phone all the time. Do you guys think I should give him some space for a while?

[Darius]

You are probably learning now that neediness is a very unattractive and oppressive character trait.
So stop what is annoying him and give him some space. If he really loves and cares for you, he will come around.

[InbetweenDreams]

Yeah give him some space...let him come to you sometimes. I like push pull, let's each other know that one still likes the other.

So yeah take it easy, give it a few days and pick it back up. It is a long windy road, if you drive too fast...


.38 Special's "Hold On Loosely" comes to mind... If you cling too tightly you're going to lose control...

[deephiance]

You have pushed you boyfriend away.

Why on earth do you need contact with him 24 hours a day? That is a problem, you may as well put a plastic bag over his head and tie it up.

You are obssessive and this is a very unattractive quality because if you smother something out of love, you only end up killing it.

[Confuzzled4]

Axl Rose once said "Everybody needs some time on their own." But Ron Burgundy had never heard of the song.

[InbetweenDreams]

Yep...wel I think we drove the point home.

I think the thing we should be driving home rather than the jokes and sarcasm is how do you not be overly obsessive and smothering?

I think the first thing someone ought to realize is how much and how often you're bothering someone. I personally feel it should be closer to 50/50, but not everyone is the same, you have introverts, extroverts...people are more busy because maybe they work at night. So it is a matter of being a good judge and being able to self assess what you're doing. The other thing is being able to put a cap on your emotions... I think that is ultimately the culprit, we have a hard time controlling them, bottling them up and to some extent doing so isn't healthy. We're not perfect beings, we will fuck up or do stupid and foolish things. Like saying you want to get serious with someone after 2 dates....that's a good example of making a big mistake...but you can apologize and bounce back from that sort of stuff...if they're really worth your time imo. People are fickle, how much is too much, how much isn't enough, what things are crossing the line. I mean last thing anyone wants to do is make someone feel violated because you went in for a kiss and crashed and burned because of it. I mean I have dated guys who were cool with blow jobs, others who were like no physical contact period. As a side note I come to find that both extremes are kind of not good... I mean most of the guys who were cool with getting physical early on really weren't serious about dating me and the other extreme, weren't into me and didn't find me attractive or weren't comfortable with their sexuality. I tell you it is fucking hel being gay, even if you live in a gay friendly area. There are so many other things to be concerned with, so many things to be... top, bottom, vers....neither...I know folks who don't have sex. Some guys are really good at taking their time and aren't seemingly all that sexual. Me I guess I'm trying to be more of a chameleon because all I want is to love and be loved at the end of the day. So if whoever I wind up with doesn't really care for sex that much I can go jerk off lol. I think most people over complicate everything, when we could just let go and just be more open with each other, because most of the hurdles and things are all in our heads.

Bottom line is stay cool, don't get too excited, but don't turn into a Vulcan (Star Trek reference in case you might not be familiar with that). Learn to enjoy things but don't let the fear or failing or rejection drive you to smother. When you can relax and be yourself, that's where you're going to shine the most anyway. If you're so uptight and nervous and worried you might make a mistake you're really making a mistake right there by not being relaxed and being yourself.

[TigerLover]

You need more balance.

Try to relax more and focus on other parts of your life. Your work, your friends, your home. There are other important things besides boyfriends.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Without knowing what the "big mistake" is, it's hard to give advice on this.