This Is What's Wrong With Gay Dating

[InbetweenDreams]

Don't discount the older crowd, where are you going to learn from, people younger than yourself?

You know what networking is, making connections with people who might be able to help you advance your interests. Who knows, maybe one of those old guys has a young friend equally as frustrated that there aren't any decent young single gay men in the area...

That is a good point, maybe next month I can look into it, going to be another tight month, at least it is a short month. Even if not meeting new guys to date or whatever, need more stuff to do on the weekends, especially during these winter months...

[matty7]

bit off topic but the thing about gay dating is when you see a profile pic and you think mmmmm maybe , then you see the rest of their pics and you can tell the profile is about 15 years old ... its barley even the same guy in some instances - just be yourself guys lol

[InbetweenDreams]

bit off topic but the thing about gay dating is when you see a profile pic and you think mmmmm maybe , then you see the rest of their pics and you can tell the profile is about 15 years old ... its barley even the same guy in some instances - just be yourself guys lol

Yeah I see that a lot too, especially POF for some reason... I'll admit I hate doing selfies, it is hard to get myself to smile sometimes and I know that makes a good selfie, so yeah my profile photos are a bit old but not ancient... I try to put good ones up and in my case I don't look all that different even 5 years ago...

[InbetweenDreams]

I guess what I was trying to get at is people are very insecure and I'll admit that I am too, worried about how someone will see me, think about me, etc but really I'm worried about all the wrong things and shoot myself in the foot a lot...

[matty7]

I guess what I was trying to get at is people are very insecure and I'll admit that I am too, worried about how someone will see me, think about me, etc but really I'm worried about all the wrong things and shoot myself in the foot a lot...

I totally understand about been insecure mate . I really do - but the downside of some of the pics people share is once you meet a guy then hes just gonna back off as you don't look much like the picture in your profile , I just see it as unnecessary heart ache

[InbetweenDreams]

I totally understand about been insecure mate . I really do - but the downside of some of the pics people share is once you meet a guy then hes just gonna back off as you don't look much like the picture in your profile , I just see it as unnecessary heart ache

Yep, I agree. That's just why they do it. I do try to keep relatively recent pictures up, within the last year or so... I just have a hard time getting good selfies I like...

[TigerLover]

That's a good way to put it...

So I'm curious why guys do the above. I'll see someone on Grindr who's basically wanting to slut it up and then a POF or Tinder or something else looking to get married...

I see that a lot, so yeah another problem is wondering where someone is....what do they want...

Maybe I'm naive but I just assume that they're genuinely looking for love. And they're just having fun in the meantime.

Even perverts/horndogs have a soft side, a side of them that wants to love and be loved.

After all the desire to be loved and the desire to be screwed are not mutually exclusive. So just because you're looking for love doesn't mean you have to be as chaste as a monk while you look.

Though to be fair this is the perspective of a man who's actively avoiding the "love-quest". Until his 30s so take it with a pinch of salt.

[InbetweenDreams]

Maybe I'm naive but I just assume that they're genuinely looking for love. And they're just having fun in the meantime.

Even perverts/horndogs have a soft side, a side of them that wants to love and be loved.

After all the desire to be loved and the desire to be screwed are not mutually exclusive. So just because you're looking for love doesn't mean you have to be as chaste as a monk while you look.

Though to be fair this is the perspective of a man who's actively avoiding the "love-quest". Until his 30s so take it with a pinch of salt.

I guess it is just finding a balance between that but I guess a lot of guys get it wrong one way or another, including myself.

Many of the guys I did encounter on grindr, in conversation.... Seemed like they were more than willing to manipulate and many were quick is nude pics and so on... I guess it is just isn't my style at all, I didn't find it attractive as most of the guys who did that, at least to me, were not attractive.

But... Yeah there have been many points where I felt like I would just rather have someone to cuddle up to and fool around with over dealing with the frustrations of looking for a good guy to date and aim for a relationship with... I don't really know why I choose to be that way, I mean I spent a lot of time looking around grindr and never doing anything with it other than blocking guys basically.

I also feel very nervous about my sexual experience too. I guess that goes to being chaste as a monk and kind of embarrassed to be 30 and not really knowing what I'm doing in bed... not that I haven't done things, I just never got to the point where I'm confident in what I'm doing and really would be worried the whole time...

I guess I'm about as good in a relationship as I am sex, which isn't any too great. I know many things I would love to snap my fingers and fix but some of the problems I have I don't know how to fix... but eh maybe I'll be better next time?

[kindy64]

Letting go of your own insecurities is a big part of maturation... whether it's career, love, or sex. Heck, I'm 52 and still have insecurities in all 3, but "sometimes you just gotta say 'What the fuck.'" And then there's one of my favorite lines from a song "don't let fear decide your fate." The only way you get better at something is experience. You could read about something, but until you apply it, it's theoretical.




Just had a guy message me over the weekend. Keep in mind what my profile says from above. His profile "22 slim white male 6goot 150 lbs Sub bottom!! looking for: Right Now" Conversation went like this:

Him: Want to get together? ?
Me: Always looking for friends
Him: Well how about you come pick me on up and see how friendly I am!
Him: full frontal nude pic
Him: full rear nude pic
Him: Hope you like me
Me: You are cute, but I'm not looking for benefits
Him: Oh my thats too bad
Him are you sure?
Me: Not right now, fiance and I are exclusive atm

So, exhibited here.
1 - disregard for what I stated in my profile
2 - desperation

Neither would seem to me to be a good strategy for even hooking up. Now the Indianapolis area has PLENTY of guys on grindr, and plenty who are seeking right now. Yes, I'm flattered that a cute 22 year old is hitting me up, but the behavior makes me wonder if he really is interested in me, or just getting any guy to hook up with him.

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=22879]kindy64[/MENTION] That's how 90% of conversations go on gridr, most of the time...then there are those who can't get out of elevator talk...I'm fine with elevator talk to get the formalities out of the way and to bit on a topic but so many people you can throw out so many things and don't bite on anything... But it is what it is...

I agree with what you said there at the top and yeah I think most people have insecurities in all 3, in that way I think we all very similar and it something we all tend not to think about, that someone else might be worried about the same thing and you just not really see it. Like take a guy you think is absolutely handsome find them very attractive but they think they're fat or they need to lift weights and get buff because they see themselves as unappealing or lacking in some way... I don't see why someone else might feel that way even though I feel the same way and I do feel that I'm not as appealing as the other person who thinks the same thing...

I think the internet, social media and the lack of real social interaction is very much to blame...there are other factors and you can't expect everyone to develop socially the same as another person... Took me years to really come out of my shell and in a lot of ways I still haven't.

I think what I need right now is probably not what I think I need... meaning I don't think I need to be seeking the guy who I think I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Thinking on things I think that I would not do a good job at making someone else happy... I think I would have failed them miserably in many ways. So I think what I need is something closer to a friend with some benefits. Just someone to hang with and get frisky with lol