Sexually assaulted, even raped? ... Maybe

[verysimple]

I didn't have the balls to publicly talk about this, I only told a few people and that was it. I am still ashamed of what happened to me and maybe even in denial of what happened because it is just too fucked up to even talk about. But fuck it, it's just something I want to share in the hopes of someone out there who could relate, maybe someone else could learn from my experience.

Last week on Wednesday, I went out with this dude I hit up the night before. I didn't know him well but He was a nice guy. Even a gentleman. He invited me to his place, cooked me lunch, talked sweet to me, treated me really well. We had sex, had lunch, chilled. And then decided to go out... And while we were getting ready, he even insisted that I should wear one of his jackets (It was a leather jacket so I couldn't resist how badass I looked in it) and while we were getting ready, we swapped stories about loved ones and relationships. So I shared with him a story of a current friend with benefit I am seeing to which he advised me to drop the guy and not talk to him again cuz he was kind of a douche.

While we were out, my friend with benefits called me more than once so I showed him the phone while my FWB was calling me, he told me to answer so I went an answered and told him that I'm with someone so I can't talk much. Anyway, I went back to find him dancing with other people cuz we went to a bar that was hosting a karaoke event. So that didn't bother me. I talked to other people and made some acquaintances and by the end of the night he was pretty much drunk and was hitting on other people.. Didn't bother me much either cuz I don't know him that much. So the night was done and we went back home (He was still drunk btw) I took him to bed, grabbed him a glass of water, then helped him out of his clothes and started kissing him and so we started having sex until things started getting out of control. He was getting pretty intense, demanding, aggressive, started forcing me to do things I didn't want or enjoy.. But when I told him no, he would slap me or spit on me. He would humiliate me and abuse me physically and verbally. All I thought that he was drunk so he wasn't aware of what he was doing until I couldn't take it anymore and left the bedroom. Only he followed me holding a belt with his hand and demanded that if I go back he wouldn't hit me... That's when shit got real and I did not know what to do. I was really scared so I did what he asked but when I entered the bedroom, I told him this isn't sex, So I'm not doing it anymore.. and that's when he started to hit me with the belt and threw me on his bed. Whenever I would struggle, he would threaten me with his gun or getting his knife saying "If you resist, I'll pull out my gun" or "If you resist, I'll get out my equipment" And that freaked me the fuck out. So I literally just let him do whatever he wanted just so he doesn't kill me or do something that is damaging for life...

Anyway, after he finished. He rolled over the side of the bed and started being really nasty telling me "The reason you like your friend with benefits so much is because he doesn't give a shit about you." Which truly hurt me, Then he told me if I touch him He will break my bones. To which I got up and said "Go fuck yourself", got dressed and left his room... I couldn't leave the house as it was freezing cold outside at 3Am. So there was no one to go to either. so I went into the other bedroom, locked the door and slept there till the morning. Then, I took my stuff and just left... I received a text from him that morning telling me he doesn't wanna see me anymore and that we should end things. because he was pissed at me for answering the phone to my FWB which was disrespectful to him. He also told me he was aware of everything he did to me and he didn't seem apologetic about it.

Then I was truly livid. I answered saying "You are the nastiest human trash I ever came across. You're a pig. A fucking filth. and if I ever see you again, I'll smash your teeth in you fucktard." To which he pretended to have manners saying he won't reply the same way and that he regrets letting me into his place and treating me with such kindness. To which I said "I learned my lesson to never crash at a strangers place especially one that's all fucked up with mental issues." and I didn't reply to whatever he said next.
I was traumatized. Felt like shit. Worst part. there was no family to go to, no police to report. Nothing to do. I am literally helpless. I can't do anything because I am gay living in this country that won't recognize my case as a crime but as something consensual. Something I chose and did to myself. So I would get punished rather than get justice for what happened to me... So he blocked me on all social media, but after someday he messaged me asking "Are you wearing my clothes in your profile photo you dirty boy?" I said nothing. and then I blocked him.

We also had unprotected sex so that's why I tested for HIV. I don't know what else to say except I now fully understand every sexual assault case that happens in the world.. And I know the pain and the psychological trauma that comes with it. For people out there having anonymous sex, please please be careful. Don't ever be so naively trusting and stupid like I was. There are really fucked up people out there who could show you horrors you didn't know they were capable of. I was really lucky that no shit caught up to me from that night and I'm never ever letting anyone do this to me. If I am ever even remotely close to such situation I will remove myself. and if I find resistance I won't hesitate to get physical even use whatever weapon available to get the fuck out.

[IanSaysHi]

Dude I am so sorry to hear it turned out this way and that you can't report him. I really hope you are okay (as okay as you can be). He has some serious issues and I'm just glad you got out of there in one piece. I'm sure some of the other folks here will have some good advice, my brain is a bit fuzzy tonight otherwise I'd try to offer some myself. Sending you big hugs x

[Darius]

Is this the second guy you have had unprotected sex with in recent weeks? Verysimple, you are putting yourself in risky situations too easily. You are going to the home of complete strangers, then getting alcohol into the mix. Sex and alcohol are always a dangerous mixture. You could have easily been drugged, too. Your first sex with him was welcomed and wanted by both of you. The second was not. I don't know what else you could call it but an assault. You don't strike me as a weak man, but you sure are being too trusting.
It sounds like you are learning some serious lessons. Next time you might not be so lucky.
Why not forget about hookups for awhile. Get to know guys better before sex or even going to their homes.

[InbetweenDreams]

People are pigs. Very sorry that happened to you. I once, years ago got myself into something that could have easily been bad... Handcuffs... I was 21 at the time and simply didn't think. Nothing bad happened but I definitely did not enjoy it...

[deephiance]

I'm sorry this has happened to you and left you scarred and scared.

[Bookworm]

This was a dangerous situation to end up in, for sure, and I'm sorry this has happened to you.

This guy is clearly the king of his own little world and thinks he can do what he wants. Add alcohol into the mix and his lack of inhibitions reveals his ugly nature. He clearly has no concept of the damage, physical and psychological, that his actions have had. The fact that you can't even report this to any authorities probably emboldened him as he knew there would be no recourse to his violence.

I would remove/delete all social media avenues of contact you have with him, and for that matter, I'd do the same with the FWB guy too. Too much mind games and messing with your head. Just get rid. You don't need all that right now.

You really need to be careful, and mindful of all the potential dangers in hooking up for sex with guys you barely know. If I were you I'd take time out now to process all this, for your own well being, and lean on that close circle of friends you have for advice and support. You'll work through this, and be more wiser and discerning for it.

[Camfer]

Not a day has gone by without me thinking about you after this post, [MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION]. I'm sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault.

I would be really happy if you would take some time to assess your risk taking adventures. I know you're in your early 20s and have that invincible feeling that no matter what risks you take, everything is going to be okay. But from the perspective of someone who's been around as long as I have, it looks like you might benefit from a more careful and considered analysis of risk to reward. You might be able to devise ways to reduce your risk and have just as much fun, if not more.

Some suggestions worth considering. Let a trusted friend know when you are going over to the house of someone you barely know. Let your trusted friend know who it is and when you expect to be back. Let your new host know that you've informed a friend about him, so that he is put on notice to behave himself. Learn some basic communication and self defense techniques to get yourself out of situations when appropriate. Get better at discerning between good and bad people. Get better at getting up and leaving a situation in the instant it first feels off to you. Avoid having sex if you are drunk or using other substances. Maybe think about slowing down a little to make sure you are headed toward what you really want. Sometimes you might have to listen to your big head and ignore your little head.

Take good care of yourself. I wish you well, Verysimple.

[MikeW]

... He was getting pretty intense, demanding, aggressive, started forcing me to do things I didn't want or enjoy.. But when I told him no, he would slap me or spit on me.

And that right there would have been when I would have gotten the hell out of there. No no no.

There *are* guys out there your age (and younger) who WANT that kind of abuse from a dom-top. I've run into them on Apps more than once, asking me to be just that. Both verbally and physically abuse them. They find it hot.

I'm not talking about a structured Dom/sub scene here with rules and safe words. I'm talking about more or less random strangers meeting online or in a bar and getting together to act out aggressive, violent, abusive sex.

To me, it is beyond a total turn-off. I find it sociologically disturbing that there are so many 'boys' who want, or think they want, that kind of sex, especially from an older man. When I come across it on free porn sites, I quickly go another direction because to me it isn't hot. Just the opposite.

Consensual roleplaying between adults is one thing. But when someone begins to act out, degrade you, call you names and begin to 'use' you... even go so far as threaten you with physical violence... yeah... that is rape in my book. It wasn't consensual. You didn't want it and were forced to participate by threat of physical harm.

I'm sorry this has happened to you [MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION] and as others have suggested, you need to evaluate what led you to that situation. Not saying this is your 'fault'. It most certainly isn't. This is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. It may be the best you can make of it is use it as a lesson. No one deserves nor should feel they have to put up with that kind of disrespect and abuse.

[verysimple]

And that right there would have been when I would have gotten the hell out of there. No no no.

There *are* guys out there your age (and younger) who WANT that kind of abuse from a dom-top. I've run into them on Apps more than once, asking me to be just that. Both verbally and physically abuse them. They find it hot.

I'm not talking about a structured Dom/sub scene here with rules and safe words. I'm talking about more or less random strangers meeting online or in a bar and getting together to act out aggressive, violent, abusive sex.

To me, it is beyond a total turn-off. I find it sociologically disturbing that there are so many 'boys' who want, or think they want, that kind of sex, especially from an older man. When I come across it on free porn sites, I quickly go another direction because to me it isn't hot. Just the opposite.

Consensual roleplaying between adults is one thing. But when someone begins to act out, degrade you, call you names and begin to 'use' you... even go so far as threaten you with physical violence... yeah... that is rape in my book. It wasn't consensual. You didn't want it and were forced to participate by threat of physical harm.

I'm sorry this has happened to you [MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION] and as others have suggested, you need to evaluate what led you to that situation. Not saying this is your 'fault'. It most certainly isn't. This is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. It may be the best you can make of it is use it as a lesson. No one deserves nor should feel they have to put up with that kind of disrespect and abuse.

yes Mikey, thank you! I have learned my lesson. Now I'm just focusing on myself and not meeting anyone new at all. I need to get back my inner peace and get back on my horse. I have however found it in me to forgive him for what he's done. I don't know him, his past, or what he's gone through. If I were him and and were so deeply and strongly connected to his feelings and his thoughts, I prolly would have done the same thing ... He could be psychologically messed up. Maybe he's been raped himself or kidnapped and had messed up shit done to him or he has some serious issues.. That doesn't excuse what he's done and he deserves some sort of punishment, but bad people do look for happiness and peace of mind as well. So What I am saying is that I forgave him for my own peace of mind and soul.. It doesn't mean I'll ever have to deal with him if I ever see him or even look at him it just means I found it in me to move past this traumatizing experience and learn from it so that I know how deal with such situations when I'm confronted with them if they ever occur in my life. I'm just really glad I won't ever see this person again nor I am HIV positive.. That was A BULLET I dodged there.

[princealbertofb]

I'm afraid to burst your bubble, [MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION], but you still need to get tested in a couple of months for that HIV scare. Then you'll be sure that you are ok, and still HIV negative. Best of luck reconstructing your sense of self worth and inner peace. Salaam.