Back to the start?

[sillyboy86]

Hello to everybody, every now and again I'm back...

I joined this forum almost 4 years ago, while I was in London and my life was just better, then I went back to "my" country, Italy, to restart a normal shitty life, and recently I also had a short but not so positive experience in the heart(? plz nope) of Europe, Bruxelles.
Even with Brexit I'm planning to go back to the UK, I'm watching for a room and a job in Bristol right now.
Bristol seems to be cheaper than the crazy but wonderful London, also seems to be artsy and music oriented.

I'm a 30yo guy (man...) and I'm into Art, which is my main reason, even if I'm just a mess.
I'm closeted and I identify myself as a queer cause I don't know and I don't care, I'm just fucking complicated, I try to deal with it, but I cannot do it decently in my small and boring hometown. I struggle and fail a lot.

I love dogs. And animals in generals.

Hope to see some known nickname and to meet new nice people here, I don't know maybe I'll be not active as once, who knows...
And as always I'm here more to take than to give advice cause I'm a mess...

See u all here (and maybe in Bristol or somewhere else...)

[InbetweenDreams]

What made you want to go back to Italy? I do agree that it is hard to be open about who you are, that you're queer in an area that isn't very accepting of that. Perhaps moving to Bristol things will be better for you. I'd like to visit the UK and other places at some point.

[MikeW]

...I struggle and fail a lot.
...
And as always I'm here more to take than to give advice cause I'm a mess...

Welcome back to the forum.

At least you're trying, even if you 'fail'. It can also be your 'failures' aren't as much of a 'fail' as you think.

You want to say more about the "I'm a mess"? What does that mean.

[sillyboy86]

Thank you guys :-)

What made you want to go back to Italy?

It was just a mistake. A mixture of things, so I was like: I'll go back to Italy and then leave it again soon. But I didn't left it...

You want to say more about the "I'm a mess"? What does that mean.

My personality is a mess. Also I want to be free and I don't accept compromises easily, so and I'm always choosing for a painful/difficult way to do important things in life...

[Bookworm]

Hey sillyboy, nice to see you around the forum again. Welcome back!

[MikeW]

My personality is a mess.

Says who? Besides you of course.

I'm not saying you're wrong. Maybe your personality is a mess. But, the 'mess' exists in comparison with what? Think about it: If the you that says you're a mess is right, then he's too much of a mess to be objective about it. He probably has some stake in keeping it 'messy'. Perhaps because truth be told, he likes it that way.

Then there's also the 'begged' question, "Well if [MENTION=17709]sillyboy86[/MENTION] is the 'mess', the who is the [MENTION=17709]sillyboy86[/MENTION] who is not a mess? What does he look like? Or, think like and feel like. How is he different, in ways that really make a difference, from the [MENTION=17709]sillyboy86[/MENTION] who is a mess?

You may have very good reason to say "my personality is a mess," you certainly know yourself far better than I do (which is not at all). But I could just as well say that about myself. You don't know me, either. You don't know how exceedingly weird my whole life has been. Still, I wouldn't say "my personality is a mess." My personality is what it is; for the most part formed through my perceptions of 'what is real' and my reactions to those perceptions. It's like a psychological coat of arms that has fitted me for survival (more or less) in an increasingly complicated world.

That said, it hasn't always served me the best. I've had to "make adjustments" along the way. One adjustment I made was to stop being so overly critical of myself. Is there room for improvement? Well DUH? No one is perfect. But berating myself for not being whatever it is I think I should be, doesn't really help much. It's actually just one of those 'messed up' things about me that I need to take some charge of.

Beneath the self-critical over-simplification of something extremely complicated, what is the truth of yourself? What do you most desire? What do you most fear?

Also I want to be free and I don't accept compromises easily, so and I'm always choosing for a painful/difficult way to do important things in life...

You want to be free? Free from what? Free to do what? What's stopping you?

As for not compromising easily, isn't that more or less the stance you'd expect someone with integrity to take? Does that sometimes lead to painful/difficult ways of doing important things? Yeah, sure, it can. Not always, though.

[TigerLover]

Bristol, home to an excellent university and ...... a famous bridge.,... apparently
OK I know sod all about Bristol. But it is very close to the ancient city of Bath a place you should definitely explore if you're culturally inclined.

Also without wishing to sound creepy if you ever find yourself in Coventry or Birmingham drop me a message. I'll be happy to show you around the place.

[trywait]

wb sb!

[princealbertofb]

Hey [MENTION=17709]sillyboy86[/MENTION], back to GaySpeak. Some of us remember you. Hope you find what you're looking for in terms of an easier and less mind draining life in Bristol.

[Dan1980]

Hi welcome back to GS