No friends

[LJay]

Just a couple of things come to mind.l

First, life is boring and lonely sometimes. Don't let that bother you. When you are bored try doing a simple chore that needs to be taken care of, or picking up a book or making a drawing... Lonely is a good time for daydreaming or sitting in the sun...

Try joining a club, or a choir, or even some sort of recreational class. If you are really, really shy just try smiling at the neighbors when you see them, or waving at them when you drive by.

Small steps count. It takes time.

[seeking]

I think what important is that you shouldn't have the thought that "I need to make a friend" and then put yourself around the people looking for target.

Because it either make you even more self-conscious, or you start to act not-like you and make the wrong friends i.e. they don't have the same interests or compatible personality as you. As a result, you will have to pretend to be someone else to hang around them which is exhausting (for me). Sometimes I rather be alone than meeting with people I don't really feel belonged to.


I think people above gave good advises. There are some period in life that you would feel alone. But that's okay. If at the moment you don't feel like there are potential friends around you, Focus on the things you like to do and develop them. Eventually you will meet people with the same wave length and energy with you that befriending them would feel more natural and enjoyable.

Besides, yes, you have to invest time to make friends. If you find yourself really busy then maybe that's not the right time for you to make friends.

[Darius]

An old proverb says that in order to have a friend you must show yourself friendly.
Be approachable, friendly, a good listener, initiate a conversation whenever you can. Laugh easily and often. People are attracted to friendly people.
Don't be surprised if you experience rejection or people who aren't interested in friendship. That is about them, not you. So, don't blame yourself. You may have to go through lots of people before yo find one good one.

[Anonymous]

I can't reply individually to each of your posts since there are too many. (I'll try, though. Just give me a moment.)

I'm at university, at the moment. I have tried joining some societies and I try to be nice to people but I think people think I'm creepy (maybe I come across as creepy when I'm trying to be nice). Well, they ain't seen nothing, yet. No one seems to really want to be around me. I don't say anything cruel so that can't be the reason.

I feel like people are hostile towards me / don't want me around. Some people would put that down to paranoia. But I can tell that not everyone is disgusted by me, which suggests that I'm not paranoid so if it seems like people dislike me, they probably do.

I am really boring. Literally. I'm not just saying that.

It feels a bit like people are pieces of a jigsaw and they fit together. I'm a circular piece so I never click into place. I'm not trying to say that I'm unique or special or anything like that because it definitely doesn't feel that way. I think we expect that 'loners' are oddballs / mavericks / geniuses but I'm a 'loner' because I'm boring.

I find speaking coherently very difficult. I need time to put words together. From reading my post, you've probably noticed that the stuff I write doesn't flow very well. Conversations are difficult. I can talk to some people in my class at college about stuff relating to college. It's probably easier than talking about other things since there is no personality involved. Actually, that's not strictly true. People have different ways of thinking about certain concepts and those ways may be related to their personalities so maybe I can try to show my personality when discussing academic shite. My personality is a load of balls but I can go on Quora and find out what smart people are saying and pass them off as my own ideas to my classmates.

I'll try to reply individually, soon.

[InbetweenDreams]

Honestly, just sounds like you're just criticising yourself here... Why do you think you come off as creepy? Again, why do you think people are hostile or don't want to be a around you?

Paranoia is being suspicious about other people's motives, "they're out to get me" sort of thing... So I think if anything you have social anxiety, seems like you worry way too much about how other people are perceiving you... I just don't think that is what's going on here...

[Anonymous]

'Social anxiety' is giving me too much credit. I can't explain how I know people dislike me but they definitely do. I don't even want people to like me, anymore. I've accepted it as a fact that they don't. If there were a chance that they liked me, I'd entertain the idea.

I can't do hook ups. I have no desire to have sex with someone I don't know. But I don't know anyone. My fantasies revolve around boys I have met before seducing me.

Apart from when I was at primary school, I've had no male friends. I crave male company. I think I would like someone who's a bit of a daddy. I would like an older man to teach me stuff and, maybe, take advantage of me.

[drobs]

Well - making friends and self confidence are skills you need to learn. College is a good place to learn both as you have a common shared experiences. Sometimes you have to fake self confidence until it starts to stick.

Is there a LGBT group on your campus?
How about a Hasher Running Club?

[Marcus]

'Social anxiety' is giving me too much credit. I can't explain how I know people dislike me but they definitely do. I don't even want people to like me, anymore. I've accepted it as a fact that they don't. If there were a chance that they liked me, I'd entertain the idea.

I can't do hook ups. I have no desire to have sex with someone I don't know. But I don't know anyone. My fantasies revolve around boys I have met before seducing me.

Apart from when I was at primary school, I've had no male friends. I crave male company. I think I would like someone who's a bit of a daddy. I would like an older man to teach me stuff and, maybe, take advantage of me.

You don't need to have sex with someone...there are people who just want to hang out, you know. Unless you're ugly, and you probably aren't, older men might even like the fact that you're shy. In fact, there are some who absolutely love shy guys. I get that you'd like to fall for someone you know, but if you know nobody...

You also said you had a hard time with conversations...do you have any online friends? If not, you may consider befriending someone, here or on other sites. It may help you with social interaction. Of course, having friends "irl" would be much better.

[kindy64]

OP - it seems like you have no problem carrying a conversation online, as this thread bears out. Sometimes you have to dig past the fear and anxiety that is preventing you from taking the chance to talk to someone.

I worked past a great deal of my social anxiety by making it a point to talk to nearly everyone I met. Doesn't have to be more than hi, how's your day, terrible/good weather we're having. My that's a nice dress/shirt/hair, what pretty eyes you have. The point is to work past whatever is preventing you from making friends.

https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam...ner-critic

[InbetweenDreams]

'Social anxiety' is giving me too much credit. I can't explain how I know people dislike me but they definitely do. I don't even want people to like me, anymore. I've accepted it as a fact that they don't. If there were a chance that they liked me, I'd entertain the idea.

I can't do hook ups. I have no desire to have sex with someone I don't know. But I don't know anyone. My fantasies revolve around boys I have met before seducing me.

Apart from when I was at primary school, I've had no male friends. I crave male company. I think I would like someone who's a bit of a daddy. I would like an older man to teach me stuff and, maybe, take advantage of me.

Definitely sound like you have an inner critic issue... Why can you not explain why people don't like you? If people really don't like you then you should be able to explain something had happened that drove someone away, something to describe what happened or how you feel... The desire to be accepted by other is human nature, so I'm pretty sure you still want to have friends and be liked by others, just like everyone else. So unless you hear it from someone, that they don't like you... I would dismiss the though, or try to. However, this all goes back to social anxiety and low self efficacy, the two seem to go hand in hand.

Make sense to not just want a hook up from someone, that all sounds well and fine. Nothing wrong with that, how one gets to the point of having a relationship varies by opinion and is probably different for every couple... Some people say you need to be friends first, then again I have heard of hookups turning into good relationships...or out of something unexpected.

Anyway, tell me more about something that convince me that you're not likable. You've made you statements, now make your case because I'm not convinced that you are an unlikable person.