Best Friend love problem.

[Mikey121]

Hi! basically i need some advice for my situation.

Ive been in love with my best friend for a while, he knows im gay and he knows that im in love with him. He told me about a year ago that he is bisexual but he dosent see us as any more than friends. Since then we have been fine just being friends.

The problem is that last night he said that he ended up trying something with a guy last week and he realised he isnt bisexual he was just curious, and that after trying it hes 100% straight. Now obviously ( and we were drunk when he told me this ) I got a little upset at this, because even though i knew nothing would probably happen between us, its different to think it, and then to really KNOW it.

He then got pissed off that i was upset because he didnt see why i should get upset, and that he only told me because hes my friend bla bla.

The problem is i dont know if im upset because im jealous that he figured it out with someone else, or if im upset because ive just basically been told that its impossible to have anything with the person im in love with.

My question is should i distance myself from him and try to talk to other people, even though i know he needs me right now because of other stuff that hes going through, or should i ignore that it is hard being friends with him right now?

[RomanticMan]

I experienced a similar situation but I think it's difficult to give an advice about it. Because I know how you feel and what you're going through.

I actually deleted him on my fb list after my graduation. and it's been years and my love alleviated and dissappeared by time. but he wanst my best friend. he was just a friend (the most handsome friend ).

I just want you to know that there is no way out of this without any grief or pain. you'll, sorrily, suffer. But in the end, I believe you'll forget and find someone.

[Mikey121]

the problem is i know deep down that i dont want anyone else except him, for almost a year i havent even tried talking to other guys because it dosent feel right

[Camfer]

I think there are other options than the two you listed. Be his good friend, and find another guy to love romantically. Then you will have it great. Now that you KNOW he's just your friend, you have to ACCEPT it before you ruin a good friendship.

[bryyzy]

If it's impossible then move on. No point persisting. You know that you don't have a shot. Get over it. Find someone who is gay or bi.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

To the OP, your not the first, and wont be the last gay guy to fall in love with their best friend.

He was already "off limits" physically because he told you he wasn't interested in a relationship with you, even thought he was bi. That you hung around and were still in love with him, was I'm afraid only ever going to end in rejection and you getting hurt in the process.

That he's now decided he is straight, has firmly closed the door on any possibility that you will ever be together, and your now upset and in a way grieving for the relationship that was never to be.

If you continue to value the friendship you both have, then you need to be very careful not to be very clingy and emotional towards him. That will only drive a wedge between your friendship, and in the end he will walk out of your life.

Maintain the friendship, but turn off the intensity, see him a little less and keep your emotions in check. If you can't do that, then its better for both of you to part on good terms now, than end up falling out over something trivial in the future.

[Mikey121]

hes going to Australia for 3 months soon im hoping that will give the space i need to talk to other people and get over him, because i wont be seeing him every day like i am right now, and thats what makes it harder to move on, seeing him every day.

Its just imagining myself with anyone else dosent make sense in my head because i know what i want, but i know that i can;t have that. so space is definitely needed, but we also work at the same place....

I know it shouldnt but it feels like im betraying him by talking to anyone else, i dont understand why i feel like that ?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Ah, workplace romances - always difficult when something comes between you both, but you still have to see each other. Can be even more intense if co-workers are aware of the situation.

You can't avoid him at work, so just be nice to each other, but cut down on the lunching or drinks etc. after work. Try (hard I know) to separate your personal feelings, from the working environment until he goes off on his travels. You'll be fine, most of us have been there at some point in our lives.

[RomanticMan]

I think there are other options than the two you listed. Be his good friend, and find another guy to love romantically. Then you will have it great. Now that you KNOW he's just your friend, you have to ACCEPT it before you ruin a good friendship.

I agree that this is also an option. But the problem was me maybe. I knew it was impossible even if we both were gays. But I even remember I was in depression after seeeing him with a girl on his profile. Actually, I'm still not sure if she was his elder sis or gf. But it's really unbearable. and it put me in depression. I hope he doesnt have depresssed feelings. but I'm afraid he might.

On the other hand, he'll lose a friend. and I'm sure he would even sacrifice himself for him. it's just too difficult to make decision.

And I say that it's impossible, but if he proposed to talk and meet, I would still accept.

[Bookworm]

You need to disengage your romantic attachment to him if you're going to be there for him as a good friend, otherwise it will continue to get in your way and eat away at you, and you may end up losing him as friend too.

Use the three month break to get your head in order and move on from this.