Boyfriend doesn't (want) work. I'm paying for everything. Sick of it.

[Cowboy]

Kick his bum ass to the curb. You gotta stand up for you.

[seeking]

Have you tried helping him to find one?

I am sorry to say this as you are already busy as fxxx, but maybe he is afraid to find a job on his own, go to an interview etc.

Does he have confidence issue or such? He might be too timid to search a job?

If it's not then you really need to consider giving him a warning - you can't keep doing this forever.

[Cowboy]

His timid ass gonna be living in a box real soon, but you need to ask yourself a simple question. Is he worth this? If he is then work to improve him, if not gives him a kick in the pills and a kick to the curb.

He is 25 time to get his shit together, tell him to get any job even if its not related to his degree. Im an exterminator, Im working on my degree and I hope to be an English teacher. But right now Im an exterminator and I think in the long run I'll make more money doing this than teaching. Tell him to find something, look into pest control its easy to get in and its good money.

[TwisttheLeaf]

My advice is you tell him that he needs to find a job... "any paying job where you get a W2 at the end of the year... by ((this date)) or you need to get out. We can still date if you want, but I can't handle supporting you any more now that you're no longer in school."

That "no jobs" excuse? That's what people say when they view certain jobs as "beneath them" and thus write them off as unworthy of their time. (Jobs like gas station attendant, janitor, burger slinger, cashier, stock boy, gopher, etc..... of which there are always plenty to go around.)

[Shouten]

Have you ever thought he might be depressed? It's obvious everyone here's leaning towards the idea, that he might be what I call a "leech", but maybe, just maybe, he can be suffering from something so common nowadays - depression!
If he doesn't have any special skills, if he's gentle and socially awkward, then his motivation to start a job might be ... down to zero.


You should give more context though. Where you live and how you live is rather important. The way you described the situation, we can't say much. It can be one of million diffrent possibilities for his weird behaviour.

[TigerLover]

Awww poor baby. He sounds really scared.
He's just burying his head deeper into the sand everytime you talk to him about it.

I guess he has been unemployed his entire working life. So starting his first job must be pretty terrifying for him. Especially at an age where he's expected to be somewhat mature.

Plus job searching is something that allows for a lot of self-deception. You can half-ass it and still feel like you're doing your best. You can fire off a few generic CVs to lots of unsuitable jobs and still legitimately say you've applied to a whole bunch of places.

Yeah tech skills are always in demand in a big city. Though his total inexperience limits his to trainee/junior roles.

Really what you need to do is be all carrot and no stick.

Just tell him ONCE that he can do what he wants. It's his life but you can't afford to support him indefinitely. Sooner or later you'll have to turf him out to avoid going into debt.

Other than that tell him all the good things about your job and never complain about it in front of him. Work on building his confidence and self-esteem by getting him out of the house, trying new things and meeting new people.

Patience is key.

If all else fails and you really can't take the workload anymore then save up a little stockpile of money. Cut back your hours anyway. Let him know that when the Money runs out, he's out. Then let nature run it's bloody course. Either he'll get a job or he'll run back to his parents.

Sad if it comes to that but you can't fix this for him and you can't work yourself into an early grave to support him.

Just please don't be too mad at him. He's scared and he's probably feeling humiliated as hell.

[meridannight]

He’s just sitting at home while I’m the only one working. I pay for food, for rent , for electricity, I pay for all of that alone. Not the tiniest help from him.

We’ve talked about this millions of times, if not milliards. I’m working 12 hour shifts almost every day. If he had a job too, I wouldn’t have to work so long. I could work normal, 8 hour shifts with more free days but now I cannot do it, because if I do, we won’t have enough money. To mention that he should work too means to start a fight that goes on for hours. It feels like he's not even looking for a job. Whenever I come home, he plays some games in computer or watches TV or does something else to entertain himself.

Yeah, that's definitely unfair. I'm not saying each partner in a relationship has to work, or contribute equally as far as finances go. That's not the case, and everyone can go through harder times and not be able to pitch in much sometimes. But if you're living together, and keeping a common household, and unless one of you is so well off that money really isn't a problem, both partners have to contribute so that one isn't doing all the work, while the other one just lays back and enjoys the benefits.

One man playing video games and watching TV while the other one works to pay the bills and keep food on the table -- is not a normal relationship. I'd understand it if he could afford it (I myself have a kind of a job that takes very low hourly input from me and still gets me a decent pay so that I can sit at home and read books most days if I wanted to. And I do sometimes). But he's not contributing anything! From what you're saying.

I don't know your boyfriend or what's going on with him. But he has had a long free ride living with you. Ever since it started, when he was studying. So either he has gotten used to it and is slow to change, or he just doesn't care? From how you describe it, it doesn't sound like he's at all concerned as to how it affects you. He probably doesn't think you'll cut him off, so he'll keep avoiding talking about the subject and blaming you for ''fighting'' with him when you try to bring it up, and hoping to prolong his free ride for as long as possible.

I'm sorry, he sounds like a total free-loader to me. If this is a serious relationship that he's interested in being in, then he needs to start pitching in to keep it alive. If he doesn't want to hear about it -- why exactly are you in a relationship with him, and what makes it worth it to pay all the expenses for him?

[Cowboy]

There are some nice entry level jobs out there.
The police dept. (Very sexy too, I'd love to date a cop)
The military.
The fire dept. (Also really sexy)
Pest control. (I do this one and pays well)
Prostitution.
Drug dealing.

[Camfer]

I agree with [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION]. You set a deadline with him that he pays half the expenses by a certain date or he moves out. Write it up and make him sign it.

Start thinking more about yourself, rather than worrying about what this lazy parasite will do once he's gone from your home.

[deephiance]

He is behaving like an addict, so you have to treat him like an addict. He is simply addicted to you providing for him and addictive behaviour has no reason, rationale or compromise.

Sometime the best way to treat addiction is 'cruel to be kind'...no more discussions, no more compromise, no more tolerance, his behaviour is unacceptable and it is time for you to be brutal for your own sanity and general well being.

Good luck and I hope you catch a break