No boyfriend no sex!!

[bromance17]

[quote=Piri]If you're good looking and they ghost you right after you trade pictures maybe you just need to take better pictures. Not like these:



Or i just need a better head P

[Josuepek]

Just be patient and you can find a nice person go out and make friend apps are not good but meeting people is better don't follow the trends and don't compare yourself with others because you are unique and learn to love yourself first

[meridannight]

You shouldn't restrict yourself to people who you think are in your "league" either... especially if you're just looking for sex.

.... There's a 'league'?

[bromance17]

Josuepek: I love myself. Other people dont. I meet guys but things always dont move on. They freeze. Is it my fault? Am i doing something wrong? The last 2 years I've been into seminars, classes, road trips, excursions, I've met a 100 of boys and girls but things stay only on the phase "oh we'll catch up" "we'll go out for coffee" etc, i'll call you and nothing then. In every job i've been all my coworkers were in a clique. Eventhough i was getting along with everyone i really wasnt a part of the team. They were going out for coffee, on bars, clubs without me. All the people in my city have friends since they were kids and now they are not open. I dont see what im doing wrong. I believe that good things happen at the beggining. If you wait a long it wont come. Maybe it's my fault that i dont make a move. I expect other people call me, invite me and of course chase me. But it's always the same ending!!!

[deephiance]

Out of the 100 boys and girls you have met, what is the common denominator....that's where the problem is

[MikeW]

I don't know you. That right there makes it impossible to ascertain where the problem actually lies.

My *guess* is you are sabotaging yourself. Self-sabotage is an extremely complicated psychological issue. Usually what it means is that, although there is a conscious intent to achieve a specific aim, hidden within one's self is an unconscious or pre-conscious "wish" or "need" to NOT achieve the aim. If this is the case, then perhaps completely unawares, you are sending mixed signals to your prospective sexual partners. For example, you describe the guys you see running as having a "furious" look. I wonder... why is that? ARE they "furious"? I doubt it. But that's how YOU see them... or so you've related here. If I saw someone as "furious" I sure as hell wouldn't be open to hooking up with them, just as you are not.

SO... what if they aren't looking "furious" at all. What if they -- or at least some of them -- are looking "curious" or even "interested"? What if they're looking at you intensely because they think you're hot? But since you don't perceive their attitude as "sexy," you close down, hide, run away. And then wonder what you're dong wrong.

Now all I've said above is a POSSIBLE explanation. As I pointed out right at the start, without KNOWING you personally... and that would mean actually meeting you and spending rather a lot of time with you so I could observe you in a variety of situations, see what sort of body language you're sending guys, one thing and another, there's NO WAY I can possibly know what is really going on here. Everything is just guess work on my/our part.

With all that said, my best guess is you're not having sex because some part of you does not WANT to. Yeah, your dick and/or ass may very well be horny as fuck. But if there is some part of you that is holding back, that part can sabotage your sexual dynamic, keeping you 'closed down' and sending 'unavailable' messages at worst, or 'mixed' messages at best.

[bromance17]

MikeW:SO... what if they aren't looking "furious" at all. What if they -- or at least some of them -- are looking "curious" or even "interested"? What if they're looking at you intensely because they think you're hot? But since you don't perceive their attitude as "sexy," you close down, hide, run away. And then wonder what you're dong wrong.

Yes i do that a lot because i cannot trust anyone. Whenever im open and seem available other people just play me. They want reassurance. They invite me and they really want to hear yes from me, then bam..And that's what is happening the last 3 years. How can i stop this? Only when someone is desperate with no friends, or wants to complain me about his sex life calls me and we go out. They just say we should catch up and they leave it there. And if i make move they play hard to get. Even good friends do that and this is driving me crazy. For instance one good friend of mine from the Capital has some friends in a city nearby me. We used to hang out a lot in the past. They had come a lot of times in my city and i've been to theirs. So yesterday he sent me 3 messages on mobile and messengger saying "hey i m on the guys", "are u asleeep" . I replied Oh nice, will u come in my city for coffe? He said hm i dont know the guys here work all the weekend. I replied then "ok, i have a car i can meet you there call me to arrange. Give kisses to the guys and have fun. "And he is online on messenger for 3 hours, he read my messages and hasnt called. I texted him saying that i couldnt go because one of my friends called me on his house for weekend and then he replied in 3 seconds saying "Oh we were in the basement and we were cleaning, if you want to come tommorow we are fine". I said no "im busy have fun guys i wish you all the best". Is my behaviour somewhere wrong? I dont like games. When i told him i could go he didnt reply for 3 hours. When i refused then he invited me in 3 seconds. He obviously was playing me. And that's how usually others treat me. If you want to meet me meet me. If you dont want or dont have time dont send me messages. My brain works straightforward. This guy in the past was straightforward. Whenever he came he called me and we met each other or i took the train and meet them.

[MikeW]

... I dont like games. When i told him i could go he didnt reply for 3 hours. When i refused then he invited me in 3 seconds. He obviously was playing me. And that's how usually others treat me. If you want to meet me meet me. If you dont want or dont have time dont send me messages. My brain works straightforward. This guy in the past was straightforward. Whenever he came he called me and we met each other or i took the train and meet them.

Wait... is he OBVIOUSLY "playing" you? Clearly, that's how you are experiencing this.

Don't get me wrong, maybe he is... maybe he is being passive aggressive with you, manipulating you... I don't know... but I also don't' see why he would. He gave an explanation for why he hadn't replied... he was busy doing something. Well, perhaps this is an excuse, perhaps he didn't think it was all that important to reply right away, I don't know, but the point here is YOU have taken HIS behavior a certain way. On one hand, you're taking it personally... you're feeling offended by it... and secondly, you're making an assumption about his intentions which may or may not be accurate.

If you're doing anything "wrong" that is it.

As I said above, this is very tricky territory, especially to deal with via a forum like this. I don't know you. All I know are the words you've written and the image they build up in my mind. That image I have of you is MINE... yes, it is built upon your words, but the image itself is inside my imagination. How can it possibly be accurate when it's missing 99.999% of who you are?

My recommendation... and I realize this isn't always easy... is to not take this kind of thing personally. Or at the very least try not to. Hopefully, this will reinforce your directness.

If this other guy IS being manipulative that is a statement about HIS character, not yours. On the other hand, if you're being overly sensitive and taking his slow response overly personally and attributing false intentions to it, then that is a statement of YOUR character.

We cannot control what other people do or why they do it. The best we can do is control what WE do and take responsibility for our behavior. This includes our *reactions* to what we perceive as other people's intentions.

You say you like to be direct. But did you tell your friend how his behavior affected your feelings? Did you say, "I feel you are playing me, being dishonest. You could have invited me within the first few minutes of my message but you didn't. It was only after I messaged that I'd made other plans that you got back to me with an invitation. How would you feel if I did that to you?"

The important part of this is you taking responsibility for your feelings. HE (his actions) did not MAKE you feel this way. This is who you are, this is how you feel when you experience this kind of situation. Your feelings are YOUR responsibility, not his. But, that said, people need to be aware that their lack of responsiveness can be perceived as rudeness or worse. You have every right to express how you feel about his behavior.

I hope what I'm saying is helpful.

I'll add that the impression I'm getting from what you've said is that you feel like a victim within your life: That things are happening to you and that mostly it is because of other people's behaviors. If that is correct, this is a very tricky thing to untangle. For one thing, it is true, other people can often be very inconsiderate and worse, deceitful and deliberately manipulative. So we need to learn to set clear boundaries with people who behave this way, respect ourselves enough to not LET them treat us unfavorably.

On the other hand, I need to not take a VICTIM stance in relation to other people's behaviors. I cannot control what other people do or why they do them. I can only control my own behavior, which includes my feelings and my reactions to other people.

[bromance17]

Mikew: Even a child would get that it was manipulative behaviour. He was online for one hour and wasnt responding and when i told him i was busy he replied in 3 seconds. I would rather he replied "oh i cant today lets meet tommorrow, we'll talk". That's how people that appreciate you answer, that's how all my friends who have a respect to me, treat me. Im not guessing the intentions of his action, I dont care about the purpose, im judging the actual action. If he also replied after 3 hours this would be a sign that he really had work to do. You see this behaviour is sneaky, and whoever uses it has the upper hand. He actually suggested something without suggesting it. I couldnt tell him directly that his behaviour affected me because he would say eh i informed you that i would be here, but actually telling someone you're here is not the same as inviting someone. And he invited me after i told him i would be busy. That's how aLL gay men behave lately. Good manners suggest that when you invite someone you are clear. For instance wedding or party invitations say "Dear .. we would like to have you here in that place..". Has anyone send an invitation to a person that would say "We are here"? That's how you treat someone when you want to avoid him. And if you make the move first and avoid someone then you want to play him. And im not letting anyone do this to me. Too bad because i knew him 9 years. He's not gonna have another answer from me. I think i handled it too well. I told him to kiss the guys on behalf of me and have fun.

My mistake was that i let him put me into this game. In his 1st answer i should have answered ok have fun. And that's it. If he wanted to invite me he would say come like he did all the other times and i wouldnt be on the wait.

Do you see now why i m close to myself? Because when i m open the others back off. And then i think why other people even if they are ugly, the say silly hings when they are open are more social than me and when i m treatin everybody well and i make move i hit on the wall?

This didnt happened once or twice. It happens all the time. Maybe other people take it slow and i dont. Maybe they get vibes that im too enthousiastic. Maybe i should conceal more my eagerness. But with good friends you have yet to see them in 4 years it's normal to be happy to meet them.

[bromance17]

deephiance: The common denominator is my bad luck. I cant think anything else. When it comes to behaviour you cant actually detect something common because each individual behaves differently. So basically my attitute may be likable to some, tolerate to others but irritating to anothers. Vice verca. I've seen people making a strong group of friends by actually insulting them with nicknames as motherfucker, asshole, bitch. And the others thought it was funny.