bromance17 Wrote:... I dont like games. When i told him i could go he didnt reply for 3 hours. When i refused then he invited me in 3 seconds. He obviously was playing me. And that's how usually others treat me. If you want to meet me meet me. If you dont want or dont have time dont send me messages. My brain works straightforward. This guy in the past was straightforward. Whenever he came he called me and we met each other or i took the train and meet them.
Wait... is he OBVIOUSLY "playing" you? Clearly, that's how you are experiencing this.
Don't get me wrong, maybe he is... maybe he is being passive aggressive with you, manipulating you... I don't know... but I also don't' see why he would. He gave an explanation for why he hadn't replied... he was busy doing something. Well, perhaps this is an excuse, perhaps he didn't think it was all that important to reply right away, I don't know, but the point here is YOU have taken HIS behavior a certain way. On one hand, you're taking it personally... you're feeling offended by it... and secondly, you're making an assumption about his intentions which may or may not be accurate.
If you're doing anything "wrong" that is it.
As I said above, this is very tricky territory, especially to deal with via a forum like this. I don't know you. All I know are the words you've written and the image they build up in my mind. That image I have of you is MINE... yes, it is built upon your words, but the image itself is inside my imagination. How can it possibly be accurate when it's missing 99.999% of who you are?
My recommendation... and I realize this isn't always easy... is to not take this kind of thing personally. Or at the very least try not to. Hopefully, this will reinforce your directness.
If this other guy IS being manipulative that is a statement about HIS character, not yours. On the other hand, if you're being overly sensitive and taking his slow response overly personally and attributing false intentions to it, then that is a statement of YOUR character.
We cannot control what other people do or why they do it. The best we can do is control what WE do and take responsibility for our behavior. This includes our *reactions* to what we perceive as other people's intentions.
You say you like to be direct. But did you tell your friend how his behavior affected your feelings? Did you say, "I feel you are playing me, being dishonest. You could have invited me within the first few minutes of my message but you didn't. It was only after I messaged that I'd made other plans that you got back to me with an invitation. How would you feel if I did that to you?"
The important part of this is you taking responsibility for your feelings. HE (his actions) did not MAKE you feel this way. This is who you are, this is how you feel when you experience this kind of situation. Your feelings are YOUR responsibility, not his. But, that said, people need to be aware that their lack of responsiveness can be perceived as rudeness or worse. You have every right to express how you feel about his behavior.
I hope what I'm saying is helpful.
I'll add that the impression I'm getting from what you've said is that you feel like a victim within your life: That things are happening to you and that mostly it is because of other people's behaviors. If that is correct, this is a very tricky thing to untangle. For one thing, it is true, other people can often be very inconsiderate and worse, deceitful and deliberately manipulative. So we need to learn to set clear boundaries with people who behave this way, respect ourselves enough to not LET them treat us unfavorably.
On the other hand, I need to not take a VICTIM stance in relation to other people's behaviors. I cannot control what other people do or why they do them. I can only control my own behavior, which includes my feelings and my reactions to other people.
P
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