04-15-2017, 04:24 AM
My husband and I have been together 19 years. Sex has always been an issue as I've always had a high sex drive and his has mostly been low. Now sex may be once a week if I'm lucky. And he shows no affection at all. Earlier in the week I tried to initiate sex and as is the case most of the time, he said no. The next day his back started bothering him, to the point I had to drive him to work for two days. Obviously I didn't try to initiate anything because of his back. Last night I went to church. He was supposed to be studying for a course he's taking. Instead, when I got home he was watching a movie and hadn't studied at all. I came to the bedroom to change clothes and when I put dirty laundry in the basket, I found a pair of his underwear he had used as a cum rag. Then this morning, I walked into the bathroom. He happened to be in the shower and guess what he was doing..
This is not a new thing in our relationship and it's always troubled me. I'm the same person I was 19 years ago. I love him but this is pushing me to the brink. He doesn't show me affection, like I mentioned earlier, won't touch me unless there are other people around, and kissed consist of three (always) little pecks on the lips. There is zero passion and it's clear he wants sex, just not with me.
I've suggested counseling but he won't go because "we don't have a problem." I've talked to one of our pastors, who suggested trying again to get him to get help and that if said no, she would confront him privately. I'm to the point I really want to leave but we've invested so many years and our lives are complexly intertwined. It would be a difficult and lengthy extrication. I still love him and believe he still loves me. I know he's not cheating. I know where he is every minute of every day (except when he goes to lunch but I can see those charges to the bank account).
Advice anyone?
This is not a new thing in our relationship and it's always troubled me. I'm the same person I was 19 years ago. I love him but this is pushing me to the brink. He doesn't show me affection, like I mentioned earlier, won't touch me unless there are other people around, and kissed consist of three (always) little pecks on the lips. There is zero passion and it's clear he wants sex, just not with me.
I've suggested counseling but he won't go because "we don't have a problem." I've talked to one of our pastors, who suggested trying again to get him to get help and that if said no, she would confront him privately. I'm to the point I really want to leave but we've invested so many years and our lives are complexly intertwined. It would be a difficult and lengthy extrication. I still love him and believe he still loves me. I know he's not cheating. I know where he is every minute of every day (except when he goes to lunch but I can see those charges to the bank account).
Advice anyone?