Seeking advice

[Dan]

Hello everyone. So my name is Dan. I live in The South West of England and I could really do with some advice and help, if possible. So my story. At 16, I had an experience with a lad. Up until this, I would have said I had no attraction to any guys at all. The experience for me was, well, mindblowing. It was something that I really enjoyed. I am 32 now, so its been 16 years since it happened. At the time, I passed it off as just a one off. The whole thing with the lad kind of just happened. Afterwards I carried on with life as normal. I had relationships with women. I had a long term relationship with a girl, we have a son together but we split up in 2009. I have been single since then. The past 8 years have been torture, in particular this last 3 years.

You see, I started a job back in 2011, I'm not there anymore but there was a guy I worked with that I found myself starting to fancy. I would say flirty things and he would flirt back. I found myself becoming more and more attracted to men. I would always flashback to what happened at 16 and really want to feel that feeling I had back then. I also think that experience has made it easier for me to come to terms with the attraction towards men I had started to have. They are not just sexual attractions either. I find myself talking to guys and find myself attracted to them, its difficult to describe. I'm not in denial about anything, deep down I know exactly who I am. Anyway, 3 years ago I decided to take the plunge and download grindr to try and meet men. This is where I need advice. I've downloaded and deleted grindr more times than I care to share about. The very first message I had on grindr was from a guy describing in very intricate detail what he wanted us to do. It seemed every other message was a dick pic or someone wanting sex and it put me right off. Take that and mix it with me being a very anxious and nervous person in general, anyway and yeah. I was just wondering if anyone could help with advice and guidance with meeting men for someone who is not out yet and someone who is extremely nervous.

Thank you for reading and I appreciate any feedback that I may get

Dan

[MHJG]

Same here. I downloaded and deleted the apps many times. I haven't used them for a year now. I know I will use them again. I just make sure I will be myself and don't do something regrettable.

I'm not sure if it's an illusion. I feel online dating website is better. The progress is slower. People there are willing to talk more before meeting in person. Most of the decent guys I met are from the dating website.

Do you know why you are nervous? Sometimes I believe being a little bit nervous is beneficial because it raises your awareness; you probably think twice before you act. I'm nervous because of shyness when I meet and talk to strangers. However, I've nothing to do but embrace my shyness.

Meeting someone in real life is the best! Like you met your colleague in the workplace. If I meet someone I like, he may be gay, I will definitely try to know more about him to see whether he feels the same way.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

While l have Grindr, if lm honest it's more about being nosey and seeing whose around more than anything else. I'd say 99% of the guys on there are looking for NSA sex. Wham, bam, gone.

I also have Tinder, which l find a much more friendly environment to chat and meet people.

With Tinder, you have a connection and both swiped right.

Grindr is more of a meat market environment, which l've never really got on with.

As for workplace romances, it's not something l encourage as it can lead to complications.

[deephiance]

Unfortunately the anonymity of apps like Grindr, Hornet and Gaydar promote promiscuous behaviour and the chances of NOT getting a dick pic or sexually explicit messages are rather low.

Also, being closeted also limits your opportunities at meeting the right man for the right reasons, as most guys looking for a relationship are out and wouldn't be too happy about being dragged back in to the closet, so basically you are between a rock and a hard place.

YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO REPLICATE THAT FIRST EXPERIENCE, REGARDLESS OF WEATHER IT WAS WITH A GUY OR A GIRL.

Dating is slow process, the internet just speeds it up often with bad results.

[Zen]

Hi Dan,

Good to see another person from the Southwest here! There are a couple of others here too :-)

Im recently out and can offer you 0 advice, but there are some pretty smart cookies here that can.

Good luck mate, would be good to know how you get on dating in Devon!