Why is the gay community so sexual?

[Cuddly]

Sounds like alcohol.
The managerdude should be fired. Absolutely unacceptable behavior from him. Fuck the others.

As for the whole hypersexualized thing. Sex is fun. Fun is good. They should have left you alone when you turned them down, obviously. Complete lack of class is a fitting description.

[Darius]

From talking to other gay guys (most of whom I know only casual) it seems too many of them think sex is something that stops happening when you are in a relationship. They go for all the gusto before they settle down, assuming they ever do, and all too often tend to see other guys as outlets for their horniness.
How do you get them to see that sex in a relationship is a reality?

[meridannight]

(They're not religious but simply have no sexual desire toward either male or female.) joined the parade but were denied by other communities. A lesbian said "You're polluting my mind." Likewise, another gay guy said "I pity your soul." It kind of broken my heart to see queer communities unwilling to embrace asexuality, who indeed identify themselves as a part.

I pity asexuals as well.


And as far as I'm concerned, ''queer'' ''community'' (if there is such a thing, which I don't think there is) is fundamentally flawed. There is no LGBTQDFKJH and whatever letter you may choose to attach to it. It is an attempt to unite people based on their differences !! Do you realize how nonsensical that is? People are never united based on what's different in them. People are united based on what they share in common.

That's why queer community will never work. As long as it keeps appealing to and enforcing differences between people it's doomed and nothing good will come of it. (Gay community as well, should stop stressing our differences from other people, but instead stress what we have in common with heterosexual men -- and there's a lot more we have in common with straight men than what's different between us).

I have nothing in common with asexuals, transsexuals, gender-defying new-agers, we're-all-bisexuals-inside-club, etc. I don't belong to the same 'community' with them, and I am not with them. You may argue that we're all human beings, we're all men, and I agree with that, and I will see our commonness as far as that. If you start preaching differences I'm out of the club.

[JisthenewK]

This is why i don't go to pride events. I get it's supposed to be about us being different and ourselves openly, but regardless of sexual orientation, PDA is not something I'm a fan of. Pride events (most of them) have become an excuse to act out fetishes in public. I agree.

[InbetweenDreams]

So there are several complaints (as far as I can tell) going on here.

1. Gay people are hyper-sexualized.

2. Gay Pride events are too overtly sexual.

3. The prudes among us aren't being represented.

Did I get that right?

Ding ding ding! What do we have for [MENTION=22821]NativeSon[/MENTION] Johnny?

[InbetweenDreams]

We'd rather not cause any trouble and just put it behind us. It just sucks because we dont go out often, because it makes him nervous and this incident will add to his future anxiety.

Pick places that are less likely to put you and your boyfriend in situations like this. Start there. Secondly, don't know how old you or your boyfriend is but let me put it this way. I am a pretty shy, soft spoken person most of the time. If I had a boyfriend and if someone started grabbing me trust me I wouldn't have to depend on my partner to keep them off of me...likewise I would be equally unhappy if someone started grabbing my boyfriend...if I had one lol.

It really just goes back to keep your hands to yourself. I would certainly call the owner, but I know what you mean, who wants to make a big deal about something afterwards.

[matty7]

No part of this was in anyway your fault - manners cost nothing and these buffoons and this restaurant do not deserve your money ever again , I dont even think this is just a gay thing , straight people especially with the backing of a group can behave like animals also. I can only hope you and your partner never have to be put in this situation again buddy

[Doc]

I think you are confusing the gay community with these assholes, they are only the 1-5% they are just more vocal than the rest. You know they are gay because they are flying their flags high.

Think about this. Most gay men arent pushy or sex crazed, but some are. Those that are, look the like glitter covered rainbow warriors you resent so much. But they are the only ones you identify as gay. You walk past normal gay men everyday and dont know it and the normal guys are the majority. Think about that and understand that you meet great gay guys everyday and have positive experiences and dont know it.

[Alvin]

I pity asexuals as well.


And as far as I'm concerned, ''queer'' ''community'' (if there is such a thing, which I don't think there is) is fundamentally flawed. There is no LGBTQDFKJH and whatever letter you may choose to attach to it. It is an attempt to unite people based on their differences !! Do you realize how nonsensical that is? People are never united based on what's different in them. People are united based on what they share in common.

That's why queer community will never work. As long as it keeps appealing to and enforcing differences between people it's doomed and nothing good will come of it. (Gay community as well, should stop stressing our differences from other people, but instead stress what we have in common with heterosexual men -- and there's a lot more we have in common with straight men than what's different between us).

I have nothing in common with asexuals, transsexuals, gender-defying new-agers, we're-all-bisexuals-inside-club, etc. I don't belong to the same 'community' with them, and I am not with them. You may argue that we're all human beings, we're all men, and I agree with that, and I will see our commonness as far as that. If you start preaching differences I'm out of the club.

Hi, Meridannight. Glad to hear from you.

Indeed, the classical use of queer does project a false unifying umbrella which all "queers" of all races, ethnicities and classes are shoved under. At times we need this umbrella to solidify our ranks against outsiders. But even when we seek shelter under it we must not forget that it homogenizes, erases out differences. Therefore, the term "queer" is used to reinforce, rather than deconstruct, the ways in which identity and differences are constructed in terms of binary oppositions, of us and them -- oppositions which are never neutral, but are always hierarchical. The queer subject of this kind of discourse reaffirms his or her identity in opposition to the supposedly normative other, which queer theorists are eager to avoid.

Likewise, there is a fundamental tension between personal freedom and belonging or community: community is tantamount to conformity, and therefore to the (at least potential) loss of individuality. In other words, any attempt to define a unified (community) identity necessarily involves excluding elements that seem to contradict the desired totality. Secomb, a scholar, argues that one of the main problems with the ideal of community is that it is founded on the assumption that subjectivity or identity is "singular and fixed, self-evident and mutually exclusive."

For the part of "queer", Jakobsen, a deconstructuralist I assume, suggests that it may be more productive to think of queer as a verb (a set of actions), rather than as a noun (an identity, or even a nameable positionality* formed in and through the practice of particular actions)
Queer, or Queer Theory, is thus constructed as a sort of vague and indefinable set of practices and (political) positions that has the potential to challenge normative knowledges and identities.

As for the part of "community", another scholar named Nancy uses the term "compearance*" to refer to the idea of the "appearing together" (the being-with) of the singularity (or subject as we might prefer to call it) and the social (others). Community, in this sense, rather than denying or covering over differences in the service of unity, is the experience of the impossibility of communion, the experience of radical difference. Community is "a being-together animated by resistance, discord, and disagreement." Consequently, queer community is less a collection of individuals who share a common sexual orientation (queer), and more a fracturing process that enables difference and diversity and the radical unknowability of such.


Notably, some have argued that deconstruction leads us no where since we are constantly trying to break through once some sort of terms are established. Yet, I think it is the essence of always "being on its way through" rather than "having been there" that makes queer theory thought-provoking. It has the freedom of self-examination and self-criticism that allows for rapidly evolving needs. Even the action of "get of the club" and "pity asexual" somehow acts in accordance with the queering (as a verb) thought. And indeed, I appreciate that, which queers the conversation in a profound way that makes me think.



* Such words are coined by deconstructuralists. They are really into the word game.

[72jay]

I noticed the term "LGBTQA", which reminded me of what my professor said: "So many abbreviations going on here. One day we will have this queer alphabetical song."

How about the "all inclusive" version I've seen a couple times 'LGBTQQIP2SAA'
Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Pansexual, Two-Spirit, Asexual, Allied

The Asexual community has a list of sub-sets too:
* Asexual (no sexual attraction to anyone)
* Demisexual (no sexual attraction unless they form an emotional connection with someone)
* Graysexual (Like bi which falls somewhere between gay and straight, Gray falls somewhere between Sexual and Asexual)

It should also be noted that 'Sexual Orientation' and 'Romantic Orientation' are 2 different things, and romantic like sexual, romantic has its own attractions (and they do not necessarily always match the sexual attraction of someone):
* Aromantic (not romantically attracted to anyone )
* Heteroromantic ( romantically attracted to the opposite sex)
* Homoromantic ( romantically attracted to the same sex)
* Biromantic ( romantically attracted to both sexes, not necessarily equally)
* Grayromantic (somewhat romantic)
* Panromantic ( Would be the romantic equivalent of Pansexual which I'll have to google sometime for the meaning of)

All that might be words/terms overload or some people? .lol.?

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This is why i don't go to pride events. I get it's supposed to be about us being different and ourselves openly, but regardless of sexual orientation, PDA is not something I'm a fan of. Pride events (most of them) have become an excuse to act out fetishes in public. I agree.

I know it varies greatly from city to city, but I've been to pride festivals multiple times, and the majority of the people there are well behaved, and fairly normal appearing/acting.

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On the original subject:
Was this a chain restaurant? or just a individual place?
If its one of the big national chains, I think I'd send a complaint to their corporate office.