married and discovering

[heythere1188]

Hello I am married to a woman for almost 2 years now and recently have realized I have attraction to men. My wife is very conservative and wouldn't support any of that. not sure what I should do? any help would be appreciated.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I do not suggest lowering the level of your personal integrity by cheating.

I fucked a lot of married men when I was single. One thing that was universal in all those encounters? Their shame.... and my inability to not look down on them for their lack of honesty and integrity.

You need to decide if this is just a curiosity, or if it's something you can't live without. If it's just a curiosity, then leave it in the spank bank. If it's something you can't live without, you need to speak to your spouse. It could be the end of your marriage, but then if it's something you can't live without, that sacrifice should be acceptable, don't you think?

[Pyromancer]

I can't put it any better than [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] did...his advice is right on target.

I'd only add that cheating seldom ends well. Very few secrets stay secret. No matter how bad the consequences of telling the truth may be, they're never as bad as lying and then getting found out.

[AlohaShannon]

Twist has a fantastic insight based on his experiences. Mine are similar to yours. I was once married - for 12 years - and have 2 amazing kids as a result. I cheated, I had shame, I tried to hide my sexuality, and I hurt my ex. I absolutely, 100%, do not condone cheating. I live every day knowing what I did to my ex and the pain I caused. If you discover that your desire for men far outweighs your desire to be with your wife, then spare yourself - and especially her - the heartbreak of suppressing who you are and delaying the inevitable. She has just as much a right to be happy as you do. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with fantasy - it's rare for our partners to satisfy every single facet of our wants and needs. So if your attraction to men is nothing more than just an occasional desire, take it for what it is, a fantasy, and as Twist noted - keep it for the spank bank and give the rest of yourself to your marriage.

[Darius]

Having heard your story before and never getting fully satisfactory answers to questions about it, I'm curious about what you tell us. Are you saying that only since getting married you felt any kind of attraction to males? What could possibly have taken place in two years of marriage that would develop into this? Is sex good with your wife? Are you saying you never even masturbated to guys in porn?
I'd like to hear more of your story, if you don't mind.

[heythere1188]

yeah just in the last few months I have realized I have an attraction to men and never noticed any of that before

[Matt608]

yeah just in the last few months I have realized I have an attraction to men and never noticed any of that before

OK, well [MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION] had some other questions that I'm wondering about, too. Do you feel that your sexual relationship with your wife is unsatisfying? Is this just a fantasy sort of thing or something compelling, something you feel you really need to explore? I mean, when I was with my ex, there were a couple things I fantasized about that I refrained from doing because I knew they would be destructive to the relationship. So the question is, where do you stand with this?

[heythere1188]

I mean we have a decent sex life...have watched a lot of gay porn and it really turns me on...just not really sure what I should do relaly here

[seeking]

Do you also find straight porn or females sexually attractive ?

You have to find out if you are gay or bi.

If you are gay, better let you wife know asap before she got old because it's not fair to her. And both of you can still have a new life at a relatively young age.

If you are bi, you need to figure out if you can hold this desire. If not, you should do the same thing as above.

Whenever I heard those kind of "married but found out myself attracted to same-sex" (usually gay male - are males just harder to accept that they are gay ? ), I feel sorry for their partners. After dating someone for so long, finally getting married to live a life they longed for, and turns out all of that was a LIE - just because people don't make sure what they want, or worse, just to conform to norms.

But anyway, the sooner you figure out and solve that, the better and fairer it is for your partner.

[matty7]

i find it hard to see a happy ending here buddy whether its sooner or years down the line from what you say - ive seen this same scenario here on gay speak many times - can you keep your secret forever is what you should be asking yourself - plus every year will make it worse for your wife when its revealed - or you can talk to her about been bisexual .......its gonna be tuff either way to not hurt your wife