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[MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], yes, some conformity is good. What makes it an interesting question is just how much conformity is the right amount, so he can function comfortably in society, and how much individuation is allowed, so that the good true spirit of the child is nurtured and able to be expressed. A balance has to be struck.
I didn't read any cause for a big concern in the OP's post. The kid is exploring and learning.
When I was a kid I was really into marionettes. That's really just a doll on strings, when you think about it, but for some reason no one gets weirded out by a boy with a marionette . My parents had more of a struggle to get me to wear clothes at all in the summer! I was alright with "boy" clothes if I had to wear clothes.
Hmm so maybe get the kid a marionette? But who knows how the kid is going to dress that puppet, lol.
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Doc Wrote:[MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] I'm not saying you're wrong, but isn't it good to conform? It helps you get along better in normal society without getting beat up everyday. I think our families, friends and society pressuring us to be something we're not is good for us sometimes.
More often? Stringent pressure to conform can cause self doubt, psychological issues, and issues with shame and identity later on in life.
It's time, I think, to stop forcing people to conform to the point they either stamp out their individuality, or damage themselves psychologically (depression, anxiety, self loathing, suicidal tendencies.. just to name a few) trying to please others.
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There are 1001 reasons why he might be acting like this.
Just make sure he doesn't do it in public and otherwise wait and see.
Also maybe think about taking him to a martial arts school in a year or two..... just
in case. It'd be a good idea for him to know how to defend himself.
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Camfer Wrote:[MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], yes, some conformity is good. What makes it an interesting question is just how much conformity is the right amount, so he can function comfortably in society, and how much individuation is allowed, so that the good true spirit of the child is nurtured and able to be expressed. A balance has to be struck.
I didn't read any cause for a big concern in the OP's post. The kid is exploring and learning.
When I was a kid I was really into marionettes. That's really just a doll on strings, when you think about it, but for some reason no one gets weirded out by a boy with a marionette . My parents had more of a struggle to get me to wear clothes at all in the summer! I was alright with "boy" clothes if I had to wear clothes.
Hmm so maybe get the kid a marionette? But who knows how the kid is going to dress that puppet, lol.
Marionettes are weird dude and creepy, if I were a bully and I was given the choice between a boy in girls clothes and a boy with puppets, I say to the boy in girls clothes " Its your lucky day queenie, run along home" and I'd pound on the puppet boy, just saying 
TigerLover Wrote:Also maybe think about taking him to a martial arts school in a year or two..... just
in case. It'd be a good idea for him to know how to defend himself.
In my extensive experience kids who know martial arts get beat up worse, based on principle alone
[MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] thats terrible advice, this kid could get hurt, we have no idea of where he lives, and had he grown up in my neighborhood even normally nice kids would have been obligated to beat him up for fear of looking like "sissy faggots" themselves, all kids are under pressure, not only to conform but to force others to do so.
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Haha [MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], you're always talking about beating on someone. Our childhoods were completely different. I can honestly say I made it through my entire schooling without a single physical fight with anyone.
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Camfer Wrote:Haha [MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], you're always talking about beating on someone. Our childhoods were completely different. I can honestly say I made it through my entire schooling without a single physical fight with anyone.
I already told you, I was beaten like a rented mule growing up, I think that we came from very different backgrounds, I was getting into fist fights every few days. It paid off though, Im a tough motherfucker.
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[MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION]
True, depending on where he lives, my advice -could- suck. But dude? You need to realize that there's a HUGE majority of the country that is not like the neighborhood where you grew up. Hell, the only person who beat me up as a kid was my father and my sister. One, I emancipated from. The other? I out-grew her by the age of 14. She's still mean as an angry hornet when she's pissed off, but at least these days I can take her if I have to. (jk... not that she isn't mean when riled, but her violence is relegated to verbal tongue lashings these days)
This isn't to say once emancipated I haven't dealt with fights and other violence. I've had... more than my fair share. If I was susceptible to peer pressure, societal pressures, parental pressures, shame and degradation, humiliation, etc in order to "push me to conform"..... maybe I'd have experienced a good deal less violence and fights. And maybe I'd be dead, because psychologically? I am not strong enough to be anyone (or anything) other than me.
Sometimes, you have to choose the route that's good for YOU, not whatever other people's judgements push you towards. Sometimes that means dealing with the negatives that come with that. Sometimes, that means you move to a more accepting area, or find ways to protect yourself, etc. But lack of acceptance of self and dishonesty of self? It's not a good route. It shouldn't be encouraged. It's -not- okay to force it on others.... and that includes kids.
If you're worried about his safety or him being able to stand up for himself, get him into self defense training. Martial arts of some kind, for example. And, as [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] said, create a "safe place" for him at home if it's too dangerous to be 100% genuine and himself outside the home. He needs a place where he can be accepted for who he is, instead of taught it's wrong.
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You're right, I guess I always approach these things with the worse possible scenario in mind.
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07-08-2017, 07:52 AM
(Edited 07-08-2017, 08:12 AM by TigerLover.)
Sorry for the rant this particular topic drives me berserk.
Doc Wrote:In my extensive experience kids who know martial arts get beat up worse, based on principle alone
Yup I believe that.
There is a lot of bull out there masquerading as martial arts. ESPECIALLY in the US.
99% of Kung Fu is worthless.
Judo is just a sport now.
Bruce Lee would be sickened by what MMA has become.*
Krav Maga is for psychopaths
But worst of all is the American corporate Karate. Sometime in the 80s the self-esteem movement teamed up with scumbag businessmen to create a soft watered down marshmallow Karate. It really took off. No bruises, no sparring, lots of flashy cool feel-good moves, new belt every few months. In the end you churn out kids who think they're the next Chuck Norris but who're actually worse at fighting than when they started. It's obscenely dangerous.
If your sensei promises you a black belt, doesn't really criticise you. Or above all if he recruits new students by smashing bricks or some other flashy party trick then he's just a poser. Quit and find an actual martial artist.
Earning a black belt if you work hard generally takes about five years. Maybe a little more if you take your time.
I could rant about the state of modern martial arts especially US martial arts for hours. But i'd probably have a rage Induced heart attack.
* He'd also probably go ballistic and kick the crap out of anyone who gave him 'credit' for it. It's like giving Shakespeare credit for inspiring the Twilight saga
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I agree, we were little street kids and sometimes we come across these suburban karate kids that trained in a dojo in a strip mall, and we'd beat up on principal alone. We learned how fight in the school yards, alley's and streets with sticks, bricks, and kicks to the nuts and every other dirty trick real fighters actually use. We fought mostly because we had to. At no point during out training sessions was there a minivan or Sunny D.
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