I love a co-worker and don't know what to do.

[RomanticMan]

Hey everyone, I'm back after a period of time. 

I like a person in my work place and he left the work place this year. We know each other for 2 years but we've been close for the last 2-3 months. Now, we cannot see each other because he moved into another city. After he left the work place, we've been sending each other good morning messages every day and it's been 20th day. Also, we send messages during the day. And I kinda told him he was special to me, but didnt say it in terms of love. We talk to each other in a formal way but we also talk about life, too. Once he sent me a LGBT unicorn sticker but he deleted it before I see it. So, he thinks I haven't seen it. I like him so much and enjoy our chat, even if it's something boring. We mostly talk about career plans for the future and send funny posts that we like. Sometimes we also suggest each other movies and series. Once I suggested a few regular series as well as an LGBT series. And I specifically told him to watch that series. He said he was not going to watch it but watch the comedy series I sent. So, I said it was ok. We sometimes make jokes. I don't know his sexual orientation and haven't any idea about it. And we cannot meet face to face for a long time because of moving into another city and it's quite far away from me. Before he left the work place, I told him I wanted to be in contact with you and he answered ''We will contact''.

Does he like me? How can I make a move without irritating? Should I come out to him? OR should I... I really don't know...
If any detail would help you to spot if he likes me, please ask me for details.

[matty7]

well you dont work together now so why not tell him your gay , and ask if he is too - the worst response will be no response at all and he stops messaging you , if your ok with that risk then just tell him - every other reply will be better , even if its just to say hes not gay but happy top be friends , but theirs always that chance he feels the same

[RomanticMan]

well you dont work together now so why not tell him your gay , and ask if he is too  - the worst response will be no response at all and he stops messaging you , if your ok with that risk then just tell him  - every other reply will be better , even if its just to say hes not gay but happy top be friends , but theirs always that chance he feels the same

We still have mutual work friends and he's also in contact with them too. So, if he tells other people about it, it may risk and ruin my life and especially career.

[matty7]

well you dont work together now so why not tell him your gay , and ask if he is too  - the worst response will be no response at all and he stops messaging you , if your ok with that risk then just tell him  - every other reply will be better , even if its just to say hes not gay but happy top be friends , but theirs always that chance he feels the same

We still have mutual work friends and he's also in contact with them too. So, if he tells other people about it, it may risk and ruin my life and especially career.

oh yeah that defiantly complicates things , hate to say it but dont take risks ,, i dont know where your from so i dont know how be found as gay could effect your life - as you say you have mutual work friends , dont risk you livelihood and income for a maybe......sorry i cant be more positive , you may well have to wait for him to bring up the subject

[RomanticMan]

well you dont work together now so why not tell him your gay , and ask if he is too  - the worst response will be no response at all and he stops messaging you , if your ok with that risk then just tell him  - every other reply will be better , even if its just to say hes not gay but happy top be friends , but theirs always that chance he feels the same

We still have mutual work friends and he's also in contact with them too. So, if he tells other people about it, it may risk and ruin my life and especially career.

oh yeah that defiantly complicates things , hate to say it but dont take risks ,, i dont know where your from so i dont know how be found as gay could effect your life - as you say you have mutual work friends , dont risk you livelihood and income for a maybe......sorry i cant be more positive , you may well have to wait for him to bring up the subject

Normally, we trust each other and give little secrets or details about our lives. But we keep them for ourselves and don't tell anyone else. This thing... This thing is different. Also, I think i have some clues to make steps. Like sending good morning message every day isnt something we do for friends haha . So, when i see a little light, I cannot just cut it off ((

[InbetweenDreams]

@RomanticMan is there a code word or some means of either you signalling to him that you're gay without really saying you're gay? One that the average person wouldn't know? I'm not really sure how I would handle that to be honest. If you think it is uncommon for two guys to send good morning messages daily for the better part of a month then perhaps he has feelings for you? It is really hard to judge, especially for not knowing customs in your home country. For instance here in the US it is common for strangers to say "Hello" or "Good Morning" in public...which might seem out of the ordinary in other countries.

[RomanticMan]

@RomanticMan is there a code word or some means of either you signalling to him that you're gay without really saying you're gay? One that the average person wouldn't know? I'm not really sure how I would handle that to be honest. If you think it is uncommon for two guys to send good morning messages daily for the better part of a month then perhaps he has feelings for you? It is really hard to judge, especially for not knowing customs in your home country. For instance here in the US it is common for strangers to say "Hello" or "Good Morning" in public...which might seem out of the ordinary in other countries.

Saying good morning is okay here too. But sending good morning messages every day isn't common at all. Mostly done by lovers.

[InbetweenDreams]

@RomanticMan What would be, how shall I say, level 2? Is there some way you could signal to him without being obvious and perhaps let him open up to you... I suppose you could perhaps hang out with him, keep it casual unless he devulges something to you.

[Bhp91126]

”˜Just ask him whether he wears underwear by Calvin Klein, likes Barbra Streisand or wants to travel to Mykonos or Ibiza’.
Just kidding

But asking him about something gay positive in current popular culture might be a way to sound him out

[CodyH]

It is very hard when you are trying to keep your sexual orientation secret. Since he still speaks to your co-workers I would not risk it. Especially if it might cost you your livelihood. This is a difficult and delicate situation, but keeping a secret relationship is never easy and will always come with big risks. If it was me, even if he was sending mixed signals, I would not even try to pursue him. If it works out great! But the chance of it not working out with the risk to your livelihood is not worth it in my opinion. I always err on the side of caution. Sorry, this must be torture for you....