Maybe a 'lil Drinking Problem?

[InbetweenDreams]

Been talking to this guy, a few years younger than me, he's handsome and we seem to be able to communicate well enough which is good, usually guys loose interest after texting this long and I do want to meet him. However, seems like he might have a bit of a drinking problem which is a concern because after all I don't want to date an alcoholic. I mean don't get me wrong I drink too but...I don't get hung over and sick on a weekday... I might have a glass or two of wine or something but that's about as far as I take it...Perhaps I'm just boring. He's recently unemployed due to the pandemic and has been getting job interviews which is great but he missed going to one because he was hungover...and that's not the only time drinking has come up in our talking. He was out having drinks, margaritas, and he said he drank like 4 of them and then drove home. Not a huge fan of the whole driving yourself home after having 4 margaritas...or again maybe I'm just boring? lol

I do still want to meet him but I am wondering if he might not be relationship material, I have seen enough of alcoholics for a lifetime and I don't want to invite it in to my life if that's what this is. Not saying people can't drink or get drunk...but middle of the week when you have job interviews scheduled the next day seems a bit worrisome, I worry that he drinks a lot, all the time. Plus...he's 2 hours away from me do it is a bit of a drive to make all this happen.

[ceez]

How old is he? He sounds a lot like I was in my early to mid twenties. I can see drinking more because of loosing a job and all the other b.s. that comes with the year 2020 but missing an interview is a red flag to me. I don't see any harm in going to meet him but I wouldn't get my hopes up too much.

[eastofeden]

I think you should pay attention to and trust your instincts - that is the same advice I would follow myself.

[marshlander]

Sounds like you already know the answer.

Be safe.

[Bookworm]

As the others have said, trust your instincts. I would probably keep this guy at arms length for now. It's easy to get drawn in by a handsome photo and friendly chat messages, but how much do you really know about him?

No, you're not boring at all, just perceptive and discerning which is a good thing.

You have a big heart that someone more needy and ruthless could take advantage of, so no harm in being cautious here.

[InbetweenDreams]

Yeah that is probably the best thing is just to keep the status quo.... It is a bummer though, just when you think you found someone decent, has similar interests, especially on the religious stuff that's a hard one to come by being spiritual/Pagan or whatever I am...So I felt a connection but I also have concerns. I think meeting him for dinner is fine and likewise not going to be much more than that for a while but it is something I have to bring up. I like to drink too, as I am enjoying a couple glasses of wine right now, but I hardly ever drink enough to get hungover or allow it to get in the way of something I want or need to do the next day. I am just too familiar with people who are alcoholics, I knew someone who had their kids taken away because they and their spouse were alcoholics. I've also had my encounters with addictions, although not alcohol, and i know it is extremely tough to control, especially when it is something that makes you feel good and relaxes you, there is a point where it is no longer therapeutic and sometimes we confuse it for normalcy.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well, the more I talk to him the more I am beginning to think I am wasting my time with him. I'm kinda insecure about my body so I like to make sure that whoever I'm talking to knows what I look like and if they have any hang-ups or whatever. He reminds me that we're just talking and not to worry about that too much, then asks me about whether or not I would want to relocate somewhere in the country. I told him that I would have to trust him completely before I could commit to that. I've been at my job for 5 years, benefits, work with people I live, I can take time off pretty much whenever I want and there's just no hassles with working where I am at. I'm kind of happy where I am at careerwise. I think it would be difficult to find another job with equal or more pay, similar benefits and in a place that is seemingly stable. I know things can change but I consider myself lucky where I am right now considering the places I've been at before. Considering most guys flee from a relationship the first time there's a bump in the road, I'm not about to make a commitment, or just lie about wanting to move somewhere.

My ex wanted me to move to Atlanta, find new job and make more money and so on. All sounds nice, I mean who doesn't want to make more money? I just don't like the idea of living in a big city with the overcrowding, working at a job I don't like for a guy who is most likely going to let me down in a year. Most guys just seem to flee as soon as there's a bump in the road. It is just going to take time for me to trust someone to that level, where I can say, yes, let's move to the Pacific Northwest, or to Charleston or whatever it is... At any rate I know it was probably for the sake of discussion but it felt weird, like this was a test of some sort.

I always feel like things with guys I date the ball is always in their court and not mine, like it's always what they want and what they need but seldom are my wants and needs are up for consideration...or maybe I am just selfish and inconsiderate? Or maybe I'm just not communicating what I want to someone. I seem to concede on things to try to win a guy over and for no good reason. He calls me fat, then I'm on a diet. He doesn't want to eat here so we eat there. He doesn't want to go there so we go where wants. Don't get me wrong, things should be balanced and there are times where you should do things they want even if you don't want to, things should be balanced and fair, but just something I've observed about myself. I'm far too concerned with keeping someone else happy while sacrificing my own.

Sorry for going on a rant, I probably sound selfish or whatever.

[seeking]

Speak out what you want so that the others can act (or not act) on it. Sometimes I have the same feeling but then I realized I've never actually spoken out what I want. If they don't know, how can they respond? Of course, if you have had already done that, then that's not the issue.

And about this new guy you are talking to - seems like to me he is definitely not suitable to date at the moment. Maybe you can see if he can be a friend. But if his problem seems getting worse then it might be better to not wasting more of your time.

[InbetweenDreams]

@seeking I don't know him all that well so I could very well be jumping to conclusions. It just think it is not very responsible for someone who's nearly 30. I don't have a problem with drinking or getting drunk, but doing it in the middle of the week and having job interviews the next day and being so hungover you miss one of them kind of sounds like a red flag.

I don't speak out enough, so that's probably me for the most part. I do feel that these guys who ask about moving away from the area is more of an ultimatum than anything else.

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I did mention this guy is like 2 hours away from me lol

Wish there were more guys closer who were dateable lol

[seeking]

@seeking I don't know him all that well so I could very well be jumping to conclusions. It just think it is not very responsible for someone who's nearly 30. I don't have a problem with drinking or getting drunk, but doing it in the middle of the week and having job interviews the next day and being so hungover you miss one of them kind of sounds like a red flag.

I don't speak out enough, so that's probably me for the most part. I do feel that these guys who ask about moving away from the area is more of an ultimatum than anything else.

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I did mention this guy is like 2 hours away from me lol

Wish there were more guys closer who were dateable lol

Yes I agree, from what you've describe, he is not suitable for dating...not responsible enough, and even at age 30.

I think if you move, it should be that you decide it for your own good, not because someone asks you to, unless it's someone that you've known for sometime and completely trust. I hope you will find someone suitable to date soon