I'm a terrible person

[Chase]

I get it now. I get it. I'm a terrible person. I'm a piece of shit.

I just can't stand it anymore.

It never stops. It never ever stops.

First my psycho aunt tells me "everyone" calls me a "faggot" behind my back, then my sister-in-law calls me a faggot and says everyone calls me it behind my back.

Then my car gets vandalized, right when I was trying to get rid of it by trading it in.

I get it. I'm a terrible, terrible, terrible, horrible, fucking person.

I just can't stand it anymore. I just can't deal with it.

It's too much. I just don't understand why I can't just be left alone. No matter how hard I try. If people hate me so much, I just don't understand why they can't just leave me alone.

[soulfulriver]

I get it now. I get it. I'm a terrible person. I'm a piece of shit.

I just can't stand it anymore.

It never stops. It never ever stops.

First my psycho aunt tells me "everyone" calls me a "faggot" behind my back, then my sister-in-law calls me a faggot and says everyone calls me it behind my back.

Then my car gets vandalized, right when I was trying to get rid of it by trading it in.

I get it. I'm a terrible, terrible, terrible, horrible, fucking person.

I just can't stand it anymore. I just can't deal with it.

It's too much. I just don't understand why I can't just be left alone. No matter how hard I try. If people hate me so much, I just don't understand why they can't just leave me alone.

@Chase

Hi Chase,

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that.

You are a really nice person.

I understand how hurtful those unpleasant names can be.  But try your best to ignore those words.

Were you able to find out who vandalized your car?

I really hope things will get better for you soon.


Hugs to you 

[InbetweenDreams]

I get it now. I get it. I'm a terrible person. I'm a piece of shit.

I just can't stand it anymore.

It never stops. It never ever stops.

First my psycho aunt tells me "everyone" calls me a "faggot" behind my back, then my sister-in-law calls me a faggot and says everyone calls me it behind my back.

Then my car gets vandalized, right when I was trying to get rid of it by trading it in.

I get it. I'm a terrible, terrible, terrible, horrible, fucking person.

I just can't stand it anymore. I just can't deal with it.

It's too much. I just don't understand why I can't just be left alone. No matter how hard I try. If people hate me so much, I just don't understand why they can't just leave me alone.

@Chase Nothing in this post or anything else you have discussed on this forum has ever gave the notion that you're a bad person. Unless you can give specific examples like you tossed babies off a bridge or pushed an elderly lady down a flight of stairs I don't think you having experienced these things is indicative of such.

So you have a crazy bitch aunt who claims people call you a faggot behind your back. Regardless of whether it is true or not, again doesn't make you a bad person perhaps makes them bad/toxic people. If people in your family treat you this way I would make it a point in my life to sever all ties to them. It is difficult but it is unlikely to change. Pursue the things that will bring you happiness.

Not sure what the whole story is about your car getting vandalized or the extent of the damage done. Not sure what sort of insurance you have, value of the vehicle, etc, etc. But I do believe that a comprehensive policy should cover that sort of thing. In my case I hit a deer and of course that is different than being vandalized.

All I can say is people are terrible. It is *not* you, it is them. People are jealous, people are vile and just plain stupid.

I realize there's not much anyone can say or do that will make things instantly better but all I can say is take one thing at a time, don't try to deal with all the things at once. When it comes to people like your aunt, fuck what they say, you do you. Don't buy into this, wherever it came from, idea that you're a bad person.

Besides all that, we're all flawed humans, we all do bad shit at some point, some people simply refuse to acknowledge that they have and do bad things. There's probably a formidable argument that I am a bad person. Hell, we can find a few gems right here on GS... Heck someone had a problem that I filed for bankruptcy and that I should feel guilty for ripping off those poor poor bankers. The thing is, not matter who you are, no matter how "good" you are, no matter what you do, there will be someone who is going to be a Karen. Exile the people out of your life who treat you poorly and embrace those who treat you well.

Hope you find something useful in all that.

[Cridders88]

I think you know @Chase, that you aren't a piece of shit. You have toxic family members for sure. I have/had one or two myself. It is not always easy to sever ties with those family members, or indeed come to the realisation that you need to. Our situations haven't been the same in regards to those toxic family members but setting yourself free from them is does wonders for your mental health, even though, in my experience, they can rear their ugly heads and try to worm their way back in. I can't really add much more to what @InbetweenDreams has said, but to also say sorry you have the misfortune of having these people around you right now.

[CellarDweller]

You are far from a terrible person. It seems the people around you are the terrible ones.

I have a strong feeling that once you are out on your own, you will notice that life will improve greatly.

[Insertnamehere]

Oh you know damn well you're not. Not by a long shot you smart, adorable, beautiful human being.

I do get the toxicity around you can get to you. Because quite frankly it is damn hard to keep that away, especially when it comes from your immediate circles.

Try to remember when someone feels the need to throw an insult like that, a comment meant to demean you, it speaks volumes about that person, and not a damn thing about you. Until you find yourself able to leave that kind of people well away, which often seems further in time than it ends up being, well, a palabras tontas oídos sordos.

Sorry about your car, I know you were trying to get it fixed and now this happens. I understand the frustration.

[Chase]

Thanks @InbetweenDreams @soulfulriver @Cridders88 @CellarDweller

An update:

I still managed to trade the car in! I was so worried I was going to get stuck with it. My old, 2007 car finally broke down for good, and I had a nightmare trying to find a new one on such a short notice. I got pressured into buying a 2015 SUV that I absolutely despised, not just because I was pressured into buying it, but I was too tall for it because the seats were non-adjustable. It was dangerous driving it, and it made my blood boil over the fact that I took on an auto loan for a car that I hate, was dangerous to drive, and how inexcusable it was that a car made in as late as 2015 had no seat height adjuster. I traded it in for the 2018 model, and it's a fancier version. Because it's newer, my lender just extended the length of the loan, making my monthly payments the same. I set money aside just for the loan payments, which should take care of it for at least the rest of the year.

I never had an auto loan before, but I must say, I love my new vehicle. I can lower the seat an actually see the horizon when driving, and not have to bend my head just to see the streetlights (well, most of the time). It's super comfy, can start remotely, has a heated steering wheel and heated seats that I'm sure my little dog will love. It's got a backup camera so I don't have to worry about backing over God-knows-what. It's high from the ground and has AWD, so I pretty much don't have to worry about getting snowed in. It ain't perfect, it's used, after all, but it's a Jeep, so fuck it, it was made to get dirty.

I have to say, it brings me great pleasure knowing I have a nice vehicle in spite of all the people who hate my guts.

[IanSaysHi]

Don’t turn this onto yourself because it sounds like you have enough people around you trying to put you down without you having to do it yourself. When people are this vile to others it gives them small bursts of feeling superior/powerful or whatever to fill something missing in their own lives. Hate or pity them for their inadequacies but do not let their fascination with your life lead you to putting yourself down.

I really hope you can put some distance between yourself and these people at some point soon because you deserve better.

[InbetweenDreams]

I still managed to trade the car in! I was so worried I was going to get stuck with it. My old, 2007 car finally broke down for good, and I had a nightmare trying to find a new one on such a short notice. I got pressured into buying a 2015 SUV that I absolutely despised, not just because I was pressured into buying it, but I was too tall for it because the seats were non-adjustable. It was dangerous driving it, and it made my blood boil over the fact that I took on an auto loan for a car that I hate, was dangerous to drive, and how inexcusable it was that a car made in as late as 2015 had no seat height adjuster. I traded it in for the 2018 model, and it's a fancier version. Because it's newer, my lender just extended the length of the loan, making my monthly payments the same. I set money aside just for the loan payments, which should take care of it for at least the rest of the year.

I never had an auto loan before, but I must say, I love my new vehicle. I can lower the seat an actually see the horizon when driving, and not have to bend my head just to see the streetlights (well, most of the time). It's super comfy, can start remotely, has a heated steering wheel and heated seats that I'm sure my little dog will love. It's got a backup camera so I don't have to worry about backing over God-knows-what. It's high from the ground and has AWD, so I pretty much don't have to worry about getting snowed in. It ain't perfect, it's used, after all, but it's a Jeep, so fuck it, it was made to get dirty.

I have to say, it brings me great pleasure knowing I have a nice vehicle in spite of all the people who hate my guts.

If you are concerned about something happening to your car in the future I highly suggest getting a dash cam....and I don't mean one of those cheesy shitty ones. Get something like a Thinkware...

https://us.thinkware.com/

Get a "2 channel" kit that comes with 2 cameras and all the wiring you need. I have one of them in my car, it's a Prius sooooo yeah. You do need to run the power wires to your fuse box and use what is called a fuse tap, this way the camera has power all the time. Now, the camera won't kill your battery as it will turn itself off after 48 hours or if the voltage goes below a set threshold. What it is able to do is record anytime it senses an impact to the car, which hopefully will be you opening and closing doors.

Just something to think about it.

As for auto loans. 99% of the time, unless you had a large down payment, you will be upside down meaning the car will be worth less in a trade in than what you owe on the loan, so you should hang on to the car at least long enough to get some equity before trading it in. I can speak from experience that rolling over negative equity is a BAD BAD idea and you should not do it ever. What can be a good idea is to refinance the loan if the bank gave you a high interest rate or if you really need to lower the payment. There's a good chance you know all that but is worth mentioning because while we often know better people end up doing these things anyway, myself included.

Other than that I'm glad you were able to get it traded in and was able to get a new car and that things are ok.

[Chase]

As for auto loans. 99% of the time, unless you had a large down payment, you will be upside down meaning the car will be worth less in a trade in than what you owe on the loan, so you should hang on to the car at least long enough to get some equity before trading it in. I can speak from experience that rolling over negative equity is a BAD BAD idea and you should not do it ever. What can be a good idea is to refinance the loan if the bank gave you a high interest rate or if you really need to lower the payment. There's a good chance you know all that but is worth mentioning because while we often know better people end up doing these things anyway, myself included.

I had no down payments, both when I got the '15, and when I took it back for the '18. For the most part, I consider it a blessing, because I'm not swimming in cash right now, and won't have a stable income until at least the summer. I don't like having debt, which was why I was so pissed off that I got stuck with the first one, because you can imagine taking out a loan for a vehicle that you hate driving. I still have good credit, which was how I was able to get it with no down payment. I got the lowest interest rate, the lowest they go in my area. For the most part, I'm probably not going to trade it in until well after the loan is paid off, and I might just pay it off early, if I get a good enough job.

I might just pay off the loan as it's intended, since it has a low interest rate. It'd help my credit even more so, and if I invest my money once I get a stable income, the after-tax rate of return is still higher than the auto loan. Still, everything depends on what the future holds. Unless I get really lucky and start swimming in dough, I'll probably just keep my Jeep running for as long as possible, like what I did with my old car. So I think what I'll probably end up doing is budget myself in a way where I'd build up and set aside enough money to fund six months to a year of all my bills, and then start using the after-tax excess money I make on paying off the loans.