Advice on flirting and being friendly...

[richhix56]

[color=var(--primary-text)]I would like to pose a question for discussion. What if you met a potential guy for a serious relationship who says he wants the same. You hit it off and the possibility is great for this to pan out. Then you happen to see that he is flirting with another guy online? What would you think about that and where would your mind go? This happened to me and I am not sure if this guy is actually sincere as he says he is.  For me being friendly with other men is one thing but openly flirty is another. At this point I was even considering opting out of the single groups all together and maintaining only friendly conversations with other gay men. That is me and where I am at in all this. I would like to hear from others on this. Am I the only one in this boat or are there others who think similarly?[/color]

[InbetweenDreams]

Are you in a relationship with this guy now or just been dating? When you say he was flirting with a guy online, was he on Grindr or something like that? I don't know enough about what you witnessed to really say what I would do in your situation. Likewise, I do think there is a line that someone shouldn't cross. If you're in a serious relationship I might take exception to them flirting with another guy or finding them on apps like Grindr and so on.

[richhix56]

I met this guy at the gay men's single group at Facebook. We have been chatting for about a week now. We haven't been on a date. yet. We just seemed to hit it off instantly and he lives 100 miles from me. It just seemed like he and i are on the same page in terms of a long term relationship. Even though we are not there yet. I thought that things were going in that direction. Apparently I am a gay men's group there and he is unaware that i am in that same group. That is where he openly flirted with another guy in the early morning hours at a time I thought he was asleep. I do not know it just seems like a red flag to me.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well, I would try to not worry about that if you guys are just chatting right now. Although, don't get me wrong I might feel the same way but sometimes our feelings get the better of us. So, be patient and see where things go. If you do get a date, or a weekend together or something and something like this happens then your feelings would be justified in my opinion, but not having met him yet it's hard to hold someone at fault. I only say that because I have talked to a number of guys who I thought were pretty cool, never met them and just never really went anywhere, or they ghost you out of the blue, so it can be easy to not take people too seriously before you meet them. At any rate, at the end of the day the choice is yours, sometimes going with your gut is the best thing. Would be curious as to what others might think as well.

[Cridders88]

I tend to agree with @InbetweenDreams here, with the caveat that I don't know exactly what has been said between you guys. If you have been chatting quite a lot for a week it can all feel quite new and intense, but I think ot may be a little early to worry about him flirting with other guys if you haven't met in person yet. Meeting in person is very different to chatting online. Have you guys spoken on the phone yet? That tends to be a good idea before meeting. Spending spme face to face time with this guy and seeing how it goes will be the next step, if it goes really well and you have a few dates and make it clear to one another that you want to take things to the next level and say that you want to be exclusive - that's when I would be pissed if he started flirting with other guys. We've all been there though, when you start talking to a guy and hit it off, your feelings can get the better of you. I wouldn't panic just yet.

[richhix56]

Well, I would try to not worry about that if you guys are just chatting right now. Although, don't get me wrong I might feel the same way but sometimes our feelings get the better of us. So, be patient and see where things go. If you do get a date, or a weekend together or something and something like this happens then your feelings would be justified in my opinion, but not having met him yet it's hard to hold someone at fault. I only say that because I have talked to a number of guys who I thought were pretty cool, never met them and just never really went anywhere, or they ghost you out of the blue, so it can be easy to not take people too seriously before you meet them. At any rate, at the end of the day the choice is yours, sometimes going with your gut is the best thing. Would be curious as to what others might think as well.

 
I see in your signature you have a blog and podcast on spiritual gardening. That seems very interesting to me. I am curious and would like to know more about it. If you can not mention it in a public forum post, can you pm me more about it.

Thanks,
Richard

[richhix56]

After writing about it and giving it more thought, I have come to the conclusion that thinking like this at this point is way too soon to remotely worry about. We are on the same page it seems like everything we have brought up in chat and on the phone. We did chat last night and he did say that if this did transpire into something exclusive, he would opt out of the single groups. I am very new to having a serious same sex relationship and even dating a gay guy. I just could not make myself confront him about openly flirting on FB. It is way too soon to allow myself to be that overly involved at this point. We are both in the same age bracket 57 and not getting any younger. I do not want to mess things up with him.

Thanks you both for sharing. It did help me to see things clearer

Richard

[InbetweenDreams]

I see in your signature you have a blog and podcast on spiritual gardening. That seems very interesting to me. I am curious and would like to know more about it. If you can not mention it in a public forum post, can you pm me more about it.

Thanks,
Richard

Well in short it is something I started back in Jan/Feb, I thought it would be interesting to try to start a podcast on the subject of spirituality and religion. Those are both things that I have put on the back burner in my life and I think it is something I need to look at more closely and thought a podcast was both a good way to push myself into it. One thing that is true is I'm not a good interviewer. I tend to have social anxiety and a lot of vocal ticks. Haven't recorded any new episodes this month yet just need to find time to do it.

After writing about it and giving it more thought, I have come to the conclusion that thinking like this at this point is way too soon to remotely worry about.  We are on the same page it seems like everything we have brought up in chat and on the phone.  We did chat last night and he did say that if this did transpire into something exclusive, he would opt out of the single groups. I am very new to having a serious same sex relationship and even dating a gay guy. I just could not make myself confront him about openly flirting on FB. It is way too soon to allow myself to be that overly involved at this point. We are both in the same age bracket 57 and not getting any younger. I do not want to mess things up with him.

Thanks you  both for sharing. It did help me to see things clearer

Richard

I can tell you from my own experience, jealousy hits hard when you really like someone. It's harder than one might realize to keep yourself in check emotionally. Oxytocin is hellava drug and one that caused me a lot of grief. I don't crush on people easily but last time I did it went badly. I can also say from experience, it is easy to give advice but much harder to take it. But yeah, take it easy and let things play out, might work out with him and perhaps it might not. The guy I'm dating right now is 180 miles away but most aren't interested when they're 40 miles away.

[richhix56]

I just wrote a lengthy post in the religion section. If you have time, at your convenience you should check it out and let me know what you think. I do want to check out your site and I will, when I get a chance.


Yeah this guy is not far at all and is willing to make that drive. He actually lives 30 minutes from Shreveport Louisiana which is cool. He is only decent guy I have met in my area who is even remotely relationship material. I just do not do grindr and such apps. I have attempted to but seems very risky and I do not do casual hookups. I have always been very monogamous. For me that is the safest way to be these days.

[ChadCoxRox]

My very best support is to say "one step at a time and no being in love on the turn of a dime." You've lived long enough to not have to settle for any degree of uncertainty. Really.