In the closet for 35 years, not sure where to start...advice please?

[newtothis]

Hello all-

I am new to this forum and even talking about my sexuality.  I knew I was gay since I was a very little kid.  Since before I was 10 years old I have been attracted to men.  I also from a very young age secretly wanted to be a woman.  I remember as a little kid I would use my sisters girly stuff (deodorant, sprays, lotions, etc.) because I believe that it would turn me into a woman!     I know how ridiculous that sounds!  I definitely have had some gender identity issues my entire life, but never realizing that was even a *thing* because the world was different 20-30 years ago.  Anyway, I've known this my whole life and have never told anyone.  I'm still not sure I'm comfortable opening up to anyone today or in the near future, but, I have been interested lately in trying to meet a partner (a man).

I have no idea how to go about this.  I've been with 1 man in my life, in secret, in high school, and probably by accident.  We did continue to see each other until we went to college.  That was 20 years ago.  I have only been with women since.

Can somebody offer me any advice at all?  I'm looking for any helpful advice for somebody in my situation (see above).  I want to start trying to talk to a man, and eventually find a partner.  I'm getting older now and I'm lonely, sexually deprived, and scared.  What is the best app to try and meet someone?  Would it be a good idea to go to a gay bar and try to meet people?  I'm telling you, I have no idea where to start here!

I'm not super girly, but I wish I was!  I've wanted to be a female my entire life, so that's probably where that comes from.  I'm attracted to manly men... but the part that confuses me (and seems like a dumb questions) is how am I supposed to find a nice manly man as a partner?  Aren't most "manly men" not attracted to wanna-be girlies?  I don't act/look like a woman, but internally it's been screaming out for decades.  Can anyone please offer some insight on this?  I know it sounds like a dumb question, but I simply don't know.  I've avoided gay men for most of my life in fear that they'd find out I was gay.

There's so much in my head about all of this that I'm sure I left a TON of stuff out in this post, so please feel free to ask questions.

Thanks in advance!

[Paul J]

Hello all-

I am new to this forum and even talking about my sexuality.  I knew I was gay since I was a very little kid.  Since before I was 10 years old I have been attracted to men.  I also from a very young age secretly wanted to be a woman.  I remember as a little kid I would use my sisters girly stuff (deodorant, sprays, lotions, etc.) because I believe that it would turn me into a woman!     I know how ridiculous that sounds!  I definitely have had some gender identity issues my entire life, but never realizing that was even a *thing* because the world was different 20-30 years ago.  Anyway, I've known this my whole life and have never told anyone.  I'm still not sure I'm comfortable opening up to anyone today or in the near future, but, I have been interested lately in trying to meet a partner (a man).

I have no idea how to go about this.  I've been with 1 man in my life, in secret, in high school, and probably by accident.  We did continue to see each other until we went to college.  That was 20 years ago.  I have only been with women since.

Can somebody offer me any advice at all?  I'm looking for any helpful advice for somebody in my situation (see above).  I want to start trying to talk to a man, and eventually find a partner.  I'm getting older now and I'm lonely, sexually deprived, and scared.  What is the best app to try and meet someone?  Would it be a good idea to go to a gay bar and try to meet people?  I'm telling you, I have no idea where to start here!

I'm not super girly, but I wish I was!  I've wanted to be a female my entire life, so that's probably where that comes from.  I'm attracted to manly men... but the part that confuses me (and seems like a dumb questions) is how am I supposed to find a nice manly man as a partner?  Aren't most "manly men" not attracted to wanna-be girlies?  I don't act/look like a woman, but internally it's been screaming out for decades.  Can anyone please offer some insight on this?  I know it sounds like a dumb question, but I simply don't know.  I've avoided gay men for most of my life in fear that they'd find out I was gay.

There's so much in my head about all of this that I'm sure I left a TON of stuff out in this post, so please feel free to ask questions.

Thanks in advance!