I dont know what to do....

[Anonymous]

Good Day,

I am sorry to bother you with this, but i could do with some helpful advice gentlemen. I have fallen for a guy who is 15 years my senior. I am 25 so this obvioulsy makes him 40. I am very confused with my feelings at the moment but am pretty sure regardless of the age, that i want to be with him. However will i feel different in a few years say if it got serious and he turns 50 and i am only 35, or will i be so in love that it is not an issue? We have lots in common and i would love to spend all the time in the world with him, but i cant get it into my head wether i am totaly happy with the age difference. Am i being silly and i am just worried about family and friends views, or do i have a reason to be doubtfull?

[sox-and-the-city]

The fact that you're doubting it yourself speaks reams.

If it feels right, then go for it. Any doubts and i'd say hold back and try to make sense of them.

[fjp999]

as sox says... because he is going to be leader of the world some day

[peterinmalaga]

Sorry but my crystal ball isn’t working very well today. Who knows how things will be in the future. If you had a relationship with another 25 year old, the chances are it wouldn’t last more than a few years. People who marry often promise to love one another “till death us do part” but 50% of marriages don’t last. I would deal with the future in the future and deal with the present now. You should also discuss this with the other guy, I think. Personally I would not advise anybody to go for a gay (or hetero) marriage – remember it is a legal contract and is about property. Keep your finances and property separate. You can still live together, if you want. Psychologists say that romantic love usually lasts 2 years, so enjoy. If after that you still want to be together, what’s the problem? But don’t get too heavy about the relationship or it will probably break down anyway. This is a person you are talking about not an “age difference”! You could be dead in 10 years time. There are no guarantees. Carpe diem (enjoy today).

[marshlander]

Is it better to have loved, been loved and lost than never to have experienced love at all?

No one who enters a relationship can know that it will last. The best information we have is that it feels right at the time. Many older/younger relationships work perfectly well. Unless it is not right for you to take such a "risk", why not see where it leads?

[sox-and-the-city]

People who marry often promise to love one another “till death us do part” but 50% of marriages don’t last...

Do not think that perhaps says something mroe about our values and the general selfishness of society today than the chances of relationships working out. They're not easy. But in days gone by people were prepared to take the rough with the smooth and work at building a life together. MUCH more so than they are now.

Personally I would not advise anybody to go for a gay (or hetero) marriage – remember it is a legal contract and is about property.

I think that's a horrifically reductive viewpoint to take. It's really about so much more than that.

[Anonymous]

Is it better to have loved, been loved and lost than never to have experienced love at all?

No one who enters a relationship can know that it will last. The best information we have is that it feels right at the time. Many older/younger relationships work perfectly well. Unless it is not right for you to take such a "risk", why not see where it leads?

Thank you as always Marsh, your right. I slept on it and have made my decision. I posted Anon as didnt want any personal views to cloud ppls reactions.

xx

[peterinmalaga]

Part of me is a romantic and yet I have been fleeced in a separation, so am more cautious now. The law is about property. The law does not have to be involved in any relationship. This does not make the relationship any less loving or stable. I cannot see how it proves the strength of your case, if you just label mine "reductive". I find this insulting and not conducive to a helpful discussion, Marshlander.

[marshlander]

... I find this insulting and not conducive to a helpful discussion, Marshlander.

Er ... what did I write to insult you exactly, please? I addressed two questions to Anonymous, neither of which struck me as particularly contentious :confused: :confused: :confused:

[princealbertofb]

Peter in Malaga answered the wrong person... It was Sox who uttered the word "reductive".