sapphiric Wrote:Also the problem with my girlfriend is that I can't always get turned on with her. Like I feel sexually dead around her sometimes, and sex won't work at least half the time. I'd say that's a bad sign. At least you were able to have sex with your wife;p.
What I didn't mention was that I was not always able to perform. (I never thought I'd ever admit that publicly.) I might be able to "get it up" but nothing would happen. And, boy, did that cause some upset.
sapphiric Wrote:I feel like I'm a bottom who likes women but doesn't like vaginas while liking penises and wanting to wear girls' clothes and be treated like a girl. Is there a single word for that?
Not that I can think of. Try not to worry too much about labels. I've found that the spectrum of human sexuality is much more colourful that I originally thought. It is indeed a wonderful rainbow.
sapphiric Wrote:I broke up with my girlfriend tonight (my choice) so I'm pretty devastated, sorry if I'm not making sense.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Well I kind of told her today that I wanted to keep trying. 
Mistake? She thinks it's just stress and distance that makes it hard.
Valentine's day was horrible for us. We spent 4 days together, she put on the sexiest lingerie and cooked me dinner, we drank a bit of wine, went to bed, but I wanted not to have sex with her at all. (I tried, my body just didn't)
When you say you could get aroused but do nothing, do you mean you would be turned on but have no urge to have sex with your wife? Because that happens a fair amount with me. I'm fine with her using her hands on me, or rubbing against her, but I can't keep it up when we have sex or even when she gives me a blowjob.
I have no problem getting turned on by transsexual pornography. I never look at normal women in porn, and I never look at men. Just trannies.
So based on all of this...should I let this poor girl go? She desperately wants to be with me, and I want everything to work between us because we are PERFECT besides the sex part, but it looks pretty bleak doesn't it?
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colinmackay Wrote:(Self-lothing is terrible, I wouldn't wish it on anyone) In fact, I mentally beat my self up over it.
I couldn't agree more.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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I would be tempted to say that as long as you haven't explained to her what it is you fantasize about or have a desire for, she's not going to be able to help you, nor even be able to decide what's best for her... It sounds as if a talk with her might be necessary. I'm not sure that you are gay. The fact that you fantasize about being penetrated and being humiliated could go deeper into your psyche than meets the eye and may need a psychologist to help you out. Do you get turned on by transvestites? Since you say you are not a-sexual, how do you relieve your sex tension? Does masturnbating to pictures of transvestites work for you? I've read somewhere that it is not uncommon for heterosexual men to have fantasies about being with another man or penetrated (I guess it's some kind of curiosity or empathy), but I must also admit that I find your circumstances intriguing.
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sapphiric Wrote:So based on all of this...should I let this poor girl go? She desperately wants to be with me, and I want everything to work between us because we are PERFECT besides the sex part, but it looks pretty bleak doesn't it?
Sadly yes. For most people sex is an important part of life. If you're not having any in any fulfilling way you have to weigh up whether living together without it is worth what you're missing out on.
Have you tried suggesting you act out your fantasies with her?? Like, not all at once, but like, break it in slowly, see if it goes anywhere that way. All avenues are worth exploration, at least for the discovery. If it's a no-go area you find that out pretty fast.
My main piece of advice would be to stop trying to classify yourself. You're thinking too much. Focus on pursuing what you enjoy and maybe trying new things. See where it leads you.
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sapphiric Wrote:When you say you could get aroused but do nothing, do you mean you would be turned on but have no urge to have sex with your wife? Because that happens a fair amount with me. I'm fine with her using her hands on me, or rubbing against her, but I can't keep it up when we have sex or even when she gives me a blowjob.
I could get it up. But I couldn't ejaculate. Sometimes I was just on occasion, other times it would last for a few days. I didn't enjoy those times because it just made me feel inadequate. I could also tell pretty quickly that the climax wasn't going to come for me.
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Aren't our minds strange things?
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Theres a lot of helpfull advice here already, so i'll try and sum up mine as well as possible.
To start, I think you should try disscusing your situation with your girlfriend, if she takes it well you might want to try experementing with your sex life(taking it slowly of course). Some of what you described about being turned on by, dressing up in girls clothes and being humiliated, is a(I'm assuming) VERY person specific taste, So you could disscus it with your girlfriend(if you feel comftable with that) but I wouldn't expect many to go along with such fetishes.
If you yourself find these fetishes to be a little on the weird side, then perhaps you should consider seeing a psycologist, if not, then its just another part of you!
If the worst does happen and it doesn't work out, try not to take it too bad. perhaps you might want to try experamenting with transexuals?
Well, however you chose to handle this, GOOD LUCK! 
Silly Sarcastic So-and-so
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Well I know her fantasies involve HER being tied up, controlled.
And if that's what I want done to ME (somewhat differently, but me in that being controlled role), then I doubt we're really compatible in that way?
When we were broken up I told her I tried kissing a guy friend to see if I was gay and liked it. In actuality, I found a guy and tried to get naked and hook up with him. I wasn't turned on at all, grossed out even. I left after 20 minutes because it felt awkward and disgusting.
She really wants to be with me. I just can never keep an erection around her, and I lose it when we try to have sex.
When I masturbate, which I've done quite frequently lately, I look at transsexual pornography and read stories about forced feminization. I have no trouble getting turned on when I'm using this material.
I don't like normal naked female porn. And I don't like gay porn. The exception is some transvestite porn.
So what the hell? I would be with this girl if there were any chance of it working. It just destroys my confidence to not be able to have sex with her because I'm not turned on.
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Hmm I do kind of like gay porn actually. I've never watched it before. It's possible I just have so many ingrained anti-gay ideas in my head that I've never even allowed myself to consider having love for another guy. Culture brainwashing is pretty powerful;p.
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