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blu Wrote:They both have their ups. Htalk has more people around my age and it has more bisexuals, too. They also have a blog. This place has more people to talk to, which leaves more people who understand. 
Aha I see! And this place has me?   :biggrin:
[COLOR="Purple"]As I grow to understand less and less,
I learn to love it more and more. [/COLOR]
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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blu Wrote:This place has a lot of people, you're just a big part of it.
haha... nicely put!! 
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Fair play blu, well done for making that step and coming out to people - even those online  mile:. It takes guts sometimes, and I hope you feel better for it xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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blu Wrote:This place has a lot of people, you're just a big part of it.
-Doesnt feel special 
[COLOR="Purple"]As I grow to understand less and less,
I learn to love it more and more. [/COLOR]
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shadow Wrote:Still Gay, it's remarkable to see somebody of your age having been able to deal with the negatives and turn out so balanced as a result - I'd give you a PROPER hug if I were wherever you are right now, as I'm SERIOUSLY impressed :biggrin:.
 .
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
Such kind words to someone, effectively, a stranger, Oh Wise One.
I may be a balanced person now, after all the troubles, but that is only because one shoulder carries regret, remorse and rememberance, and the other carriers passion, pride and personality.
They cancel each other out and see to it that I have my daily highs and lows like any other person.
RE: The Cuddle. I am honoured indeed. It has not gone un-noticed and shall hold you to it sometime in the future.
P.S You're a slag with your hugs - offering them out to any Tom, Dick and Harry!
x x x
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saltybeanz Wrote:-Doesnt feel special
Don't beat yourself up - we ALL know you're special.
It's just figuring out WHERE you're special that we're wondering about :biggrin:
x x x
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Gay Wrote:Don't beat yourself up - we ALL know you're special.
It's just figuring out WHERE you're special that we're wondering about :biggrin:
x x x
LOL I guess that kinda makes up for it? :eek:
[COLOR="Purple"]As I grow to understand less and less,
I learn to love it more and more. [/COLOR]
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Gay Wrote:Such kind words to someone, effectively, a stranger, Oh Wise One.
I may be a balanced person now, after all the troubles, but that is only because one shoulder carries regret, remorse and rememberance, and the other carriers passion, pride and personality.
They cancel each other out and see to it that I have my daily highs and lows like any other person.
RE: The Cuddle. I am honoured indeed. It has not gone un-noticed and shall hold you to it sometime in the future.
P.S You're a slag with your hugs - offering them out to any Tom, Dick and Harry!
x x x
LOL ! Ah, so you noticed I've been :redface: spreading the lurve eh ?  .
Neveryoumind my dear - I'll keep a special hug JUST for you xx
... and, on a more serious note, thank you for your kind words - I just base my observation on how I remember myself being when I was 19, and I was no way near as sorted and calm about things as you are ... heartbroken and desperately lonely are, I think, how I would have described myself :frown:.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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I still feel really bad about mine... one of those things where you wish you could do it over to make it not seem so stupid...
The Story:
I found out about a year earlier that I was in fact gay, never told my parents (they're highly religious, and my dad once told me "If we EVER find out you're gay, you better get the HELL running, or things are going to get ugly.") and was going out with a really sweet guy who lived pretty close to me. The day before, we had met up at a swimming pool and hadn't gotten much farther than shaking hands and a short hug (Both of us were embarrassed as hell).
I returned home and put my cell down, forgetting there was a whole bunch of us texting on it... So after that Hell broke loose and I managed to convince my parents I was kidding around with him, I started feeling really guilty.
This is when the troubles began.
About a week later, my bitchy conscience and I wrote up a huge letter explaining everything, uncovering all the lies, and basically telling my parents I was gay and had a boyfriend. The rest of that night I laid in bed, a knife in my hand, ready to throw it at my shotgun-wielding dad that I was sure was going to break in any second. Never did.
I woke up in the morning to receive awkward stares from both my parents as we went about the usual morning routine of taking me to school. The schoolday was consumed with me thinking "What the hell is going to happen to me?" and I returned home to my parents sitting calmly on chairs waiting for me to sit in a small wooden chair adjacent to them. Silence ensued as I sat down on the chair and waited for the news that I was going to be kicked out of the house.
My parents decreed that I was to never see him again, suspended from anything electronic until further notice, and more or less under house arrest. I was speechless. And for the next six months, I spiraled into bad depression, and found it hard to function at all. Every day was just another bit of Hell.
Constantly I tried to send letters, emails, and all sorts of phonecalls to him, trying to explain what had happened, and just to not worry about me. Never got anything back, which sent me even further into depression. Finally, my parents decided that I was allowed to play videogames again, which helped me take my mind off things (this was about four months later). This was during summer, and I couldn't thank them enough for giving me something to do besides sulk and draw depressing pictures.
Finally, another two months passed and I was back in school, I immediately grabbed a computer and sent an email to my boyfriend, crazilly hoping that somehow, some way that he would still love me and we could work things out.
Email came back that he wanted to break up, because it wasn't worth pursuing due to the parental interference. More depression, and I told my parents. They, of course, were delighted, and told me that this was just going to be a phase of my life, that would pass eventually and that I was just going to be another straight boy who was perfect in every way.
Even two years later, they're hoping that it's a phase. If I mention the word "boyfriend" or "lover" or anything that has to do with being in love with another guy, they cringe and try to change the subject. Things have gotten progressively worse, and because I'm gay, they think that I'm just going to go out and find random people on teh street that I'm going to bring home and have sex with.
My parents consider me a failure at the moment. Even though I've got good-ish grades, hoping to get to college and maybe eventually get a MD, I'm the black sheep of the entire family.
As for my friends: that gets kinda ugly too.
All of my friends save for about three decided that I was just going to try to bone them some time or another and haven't talked to me since. However, the other three were kinda funny. All three of them I told at once, they all looked at each other, smiled, and in unison said "Well, DUH." Thank god for those three.
That's my horror story of coming out. Really wish I had kept my mouth shut.
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