Does love really exist?

[Anonymous]

I have never fallen in love and, quite honestly, I believe I never will. I hear that people have fallen in love, and I am curious what this entails – I am also jealous but this goes without saying. Sometimes I think I am ‘broken’ in the inside (blame my dysfunctional family and problematic adolescence) or perhaps too ‘cold’ as they used to call me behind my back at school. I don’t seem to be able to find anyone who makes me feel that I am going to loose the earth below my feet or that my heart is going to explode. I am too shy too make the first move and so I always end up attracting people who are either much older than me (we are talking two or even more decades) or just those who are more interested in a one night thing rather than something more substantial – not that there is anything other in this god-forsaken town. I have tried live, face-to-face, but no luck: married guys who don’t have sex with their partner (as a rule they always have a partner but they still need more), drunkards, or men who are old enough to be my grandfathers. I have tried on-line, again the same results. One day they claim that a bar is not the right place to meet a boyfriend and suggest on-line searching; you try gaydar, they tell you that you can’t find this sort of things there. Instead one gets photos of naked rears, fronts etc. and propositions for all-night revels (they never last more than 30 minutes you can take my word for it, and if you want to go on for longer, they give up on you). I am not going to lie: I feel depressed and utterly disappointed. I have even come to believe that love doesn’t exist; it is an excuse people have come up with to hide their fear of being alone. I have a friend who is in a relationship. All he talks about is going to Greece to cruise. I have never heard him say that he is content that he is in a relationship. And I wonder if this is what love is all about. I have tried, and could, in fact, compromise and enter in a relationship with a guy I didn’t like. But that wouldn’t be fair, first to me and then to him (the one who send me a photo of his front being s*** - it turned out he wanted a relationship after all – funny way to show it! I was that desperate … it would seem). I have tried casual sex, it doesn’t work for me – unfortunately I am too cerebral and emotional for that. So, what’s left? Right now I see two alternative paths in front of me: (i) I make up my mind that love – or finding someone who wants to get to know you before you end up in bed with them is a chimera – and so I give up the search altogether or (ii) just wait and see if something does come up my way. If it still hasn’t come my way in some years I might put an end to the whole thing, my life - it depends on my mood at the time. What really frightens me is that if it so difficult in the UK where people are generally more tolerant how is it going to be back home in Greece, where gays are still hiding. I just don’t want to think about it.

[eastofeden]

I only fell in love for real after I learned to love myself...and I think the more I learned to love myself the more I was able to love someone else...truly. Ru Paul sums it up on his Drag Race show very nicely every week "If you don't love yourself...how the hell are you gonna love anyone else?". It is the key to pretty much everything life has to offer.

Learning to love yourself can be extremely difficult but well worth the effort.

EDIT: I forgot to add...yes...love really does exist...definitely...

[marshlander]

Yes, love does exist. It took decades for love to find me, but when it did it was SO worth the wait.

Best wishes to you.

[Daniel6]

Being gay is hard. Being gay in a country like this is even harder. Where else can I meet a gay guy but gay bars, gay clubs or online?

I used to hope dating someone online will find me a bf but it always ended up in one night stand. Most guys only want sex, some want relationship but turned out otherwise. I felt so tired, depressed and disappointed but I still hoped and tried then hopeless. It's a vicious cycle. Recently I met two guys and did break their hearts. One guy I thought I loved but I didn't. The other guy was a nice guy but I didn't like him. I still feel very guilty now.

I am now trying to stay away from those online dating and make my time for something else. I have some plans that I want to do in the future and am working on them.

Anyways, living in this country, by accepting that I am gay two years ago, I already accepted the fact that I may be single for the rest of my life.

I hope you will work things out for yourself. Good luck mile:

[princealbertofb]

Yes, best of luck, but to you too Daniel6.

[MegaFullbuster]

I too have always felt that I will never fall in love but I will still reach for that experience.

But love does exist, just as other emotions exist, as chemical reactions in our brains.

[Daniel6]

Yes, best of luck, but to you too Daniel6.

Thanks mile:

[Genersis]

Yes, it does exist.
And i wish you the very best of luck finding that someone!:biggrin:

[peterinmalaga]

You say these are your options:

1. I make up my mind that love – or finding someone who wants to get to know you before you end up in bed with them is a chimera – and so I give up the search altogether or
   
2. just wait and see if something does come up my way. If it still hasn’t come my way in some years I might put an end to the whole thing, my life.
   

There are other options. How about:

1. just wait and see if something does come up my way. Don't qualify it. Don't try to bribe God, fate or whatever by threatening to end it all. That suggests you're not yet in the right frame of mind to find love or for love to find you.
   
2. Ask Daniel if he likes Greek men.
   
3. Working on this pessimism which is bordering on depression. It's not going to attract many long-term boyfriends. You have to be able to enjoy life with or without a boyfriend, which is just another way of saying that you have to love yourself first.
   

I'm sure other people will have other ideas too.

[matty7]

i have no idea if love exist, but i base my idea of love on a couple of simple things if they count -

1, do i miss that person all the time i'm away from them.
2, do i feel complete when i'm with them.

like i said, i boil it down to these two simple things, i think that these are my idicators of what i perceive as love - many will disagree but why make it more complicated