Another Confused

[mookie]

I can only be totally forthcoming in complete anonymity.

I may be gay, but I cannot be sure. I speak to nobody about this. I ask for truthful, well-thought-out answers. Don't just skim this and post a reply; please give me an honest opinion.

I want to be with women, but I can only rarely be arroused by them. In the presence of women, I get incredibly nervous and anxious, and I have never been able to maintain a relationship. I feel that I'm a retarded fool when I'm near a woman, especially if she's hot, and I feel a need to flee. There are some women I would love to be with... one in particular who I idolize and adore... but I feel that it could never be because I am terrified that I may be gay... but, again, I would never want to be with a guy. Many girls and women, I am totally disinterested in... but there are some who I adore and would love to be with.

In the world, I don't really find myself attracted to any guys I see. Indeed, I don't get aroused by men or women, really, in the world outside. I don't want to enter into a gay relationship... not because I'm closeted, but because I wouldn't like it. I would never feel comfortable in it. Again, I want to be with women, but I am terrified of my inability to be arroused by them.

To be starkly honest, I am aroused by the idea of giving oral sex to men... and then there are some beautiful girls with whom I'd love to unleash my pent-up fantasies... the bottom line, however, seems to be that when I'm home and alone, I prefer gay porn. Then, sometimes, I'll go on a kick and prefer lesbian porn for a week... then, perhaps, ethnic women... sometimes, if I am getting off to men-and-women, I imagine I'm the girl.

I masturbate often... mostly to gay porn, but often to lesbian porn, and sometimes to chicks. I keep telling myself that because I mostly masturbate to gay porn, I must be gay... but I don't really feel gay. I do think I'm probably slightly more effeminate than most men... I suppose my face has some girlish features... when I was younger, I cross-dressed, but I haven't in years now... I have had one brief gay fling when I was younger, and I did enjoy it at the time, but I don't think I would today. I have dated many girls, and I love making out with them... I would much rather kiss a beautiful woman than a man... but when it comes to actual coitus, or even just foreplay, I get nervous and not arroused. When I masturbate to gay porn, it's almost like a sadomasochistic, self-hating thing that I do to myself.

To recap:

1. I mostly get off to gay porn, but also lesbian, and sometimes just women.
2. I crossdressed when younger.
3. I want to be able to be with women, but I am anxious and cannot get arroused.
4. I don't get arroused by men in real life, only by porn.

Please give me honest advice.

[fenris]

As first ... Welcome !


As second ... : stay cool... don´t be worried about yourself.
It seems, that you begins to explore yourself and you are worried to find feelings... likes... dislikes that you have not expected about yourself.
It´s the thing with the colors ... there ist black ... white .. and between that is a very big greyscale. I´t´s not a must to be Hetero, Its not a must to be gay and not a must to be bisexual. Maybe you´re Hetero...and likes and dreams about male body... not a problem. Maybe you´re bisexual ... not a problem. And if you want to watch lesbian-porn.. or gayporn or heteroporn .... do it, if it is Ok for you. You only must give you the time to show yourself who you are, what you want - that takes time. And you must give this time to you, your body and your soul. And it´s really importent : There is no need to be ashamed about yourself - never ! You are a human being with the needs, likes or what ever thousends other has, too. You are not Alone with yourself....
Explore yourself.... learn what you want, whats only a dream....
And a first step you have reached .. find persons to talk to.
But - and that is very important, too: Never lost the respect against yourself and other people.
But there must be a warning, too : Do not be on things that you don´t want only because someone, who are maybe on the same way, wants. Say "Yes" if its Ok for you .. but say "No" and go home if someone forces you into things you don´t want and for which you are not willing.

read this forum .. here are so many tipps about and around live... looking for friends. As first by mail, chat... and if you think its ok.... than begin other things like dating...

[mookie]

Could I just have low testosterone?

[fenris]

Could I just have low testosterone?

I don´t think so .... and if low testosterone makes people dream about men .. I must have low testosterone, too. :biggrin:
I know ...you´re looking for reaching the goal fast and easy ... but I think you have to take the bus... and not the plane. But you can do it .... like the most others .. I´m sure.

[princealbertofb]

I would tend to agree with my friend Fenris here... You probably need some more time to work it out. It's a shame that you don't feel aroused by women but is that a general thing? Or does is happen in contexts where you actually get close to them or when you don't know the person? ... For instance, masturbating to the sight of some unknown person may be easy, or on the contrary difficult, because you prefer the anonymity of sex or need to relate to the other person in some way?

The issues you say you have seem to be linked with some form of low self esteem (and yet high standards), and worry about performing adequately. You might wonder why you are like this, and possibly this could be discussed with your doctor. Do you need an extra boost of vigour or sex drive?

I think you will need to put yourself through a few tests with different people before you can decide which way you want to swing. My thoughts are also that perhaps in gay porn you seek to affirm your manhood, or masculine side? But maybe I'm wrong. You don't have to put a label on yourself however.