So I've been talking with this guy for about two weeks. We're both into basically all of the same stuff. We hung out like 4 times so far. He's not out of the closet and really concerned with keeping it that way. He's constantly saying im" normal" and that he wouldn't be able to tell I was gay if I hadn't have told him. He's had one bf before and he was a hooligan and nothing but extreme trouble for the guy. Tells me hes not looking for anything but" friends" but constantly says stuff like" I like you" etc etc.
Id like to start something with him eventually but I don't know how to bring it up. He says he's bi and likes chicks but he hasn't been with one since his last bf a year and a half ago. We're not screwing but we've messed around a bit the last two times we hung out.
How do I approach him about dating? I don't mind keeping it on the dl, that's not an issue for me since im not outwardly gay and I really hate public affection, even though I am out.
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Hi :-)
I have read you post ... do you really think this has a chance to be more then a friendship ?
I don´t know ... I think, its not enough for you... because you both are much to different in some important areas of life.
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Well all of this started with US stating that we only wanted to meet people as friends. Turns out he's a super cool guy, but I just feel like all the "compliments" he keeps giving me are signs. Its like 20 times a night he'll give me one of those lines. So I kinda feel like he was lying from the start about only wanting to be friends OR he's in my situation where I found out he was way more my type than anyone I've ever met AFTER we started hanging out.
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hm .. sometimes a friendship can be a way for more. Sometimes a friendship is better than more. Maybe its better to wait some more time... there is no need to rush.
If he is not ready to start more ( the way you want or need it ) then a friendship - for whatever reason - I would wait. Be a friend... but see what happens and if he change his opinion.
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Just what I needed. To hear someone else tell me to wait it out. Thanks. Since sarcasm is hard to read through text, that was NOT sarcasm. Any other replies would be welcome, I need more input, maybe from someone who's gone through the same thing.
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I just get anxious about whether or not I'm wasting my time, you know? Things like this have a tendency to go on unanswered for a long long time and you'll generally get the undesirable outcome in most cases (From other peoples stories that I've found before I came here anyway). Then where are you? Point A once again...
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Hi Ledero.
I can't help form the impression that you will go on searching for responses until you find someone who tells you what you want to hear and then you'll convince yourself that you were right all along. It's not going to happen - sorry.
I don't mean to be harsh but this other guy sounds like, to use an English phrase, "He doesn't know weather his Arthur or Marther!" Your description of him makes me think he's not mature enough for the type of relationship you want.
Proceed if you must but expect to get hurt.
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If there is one thing i learned from life is that people that are lost or still don´t know what they want can seriously mess up with your head! Believe me even if this guy decide to have something with you it will never end up good for you,people with with so much issues like him just will make you suffer,so run as soon is possible before you get more involved!
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My opinion on helping people who don't seem to want to be helped is somewhat coloured at the moment.
I've been trying to help a guy for the last year which included letting him live in my home and deal with some very dark stuff.
In return he stole from me, damaged my property, pissed off a few of the neighbours, knowingly entered in to an inappropriate relationship with a person of 14, stressed his grandparents out to the point where his grandmother developed shingles, and... Oh, I'm just not big on helping at the moment.
He moved on without as much as a small "Thanks for everything" and is busy telling anyone who will listen that I made him depressed and suicidal.
Bitter? My vitriol could sour lemons!
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friends with benefits but i want more
mile: I know .. its hard to wait... and its the last thing someone wants to hear in every situation. No, I have not even seen it as sarcasm ... but I only can tell you the answer wich is right for me in this case.
