An irritating friend

[MegaFullbuster]

I have a friend, one of my best friends who I have a great deal of fun with. We laugh about the same stuff and just have the time of our life together. We often bicker like an old married couple and such which makes people think we are dating.

But there is one thing that I cannot stand about her and don't know how to deal with.
Whenever there is something she wants to do that I don't want to do she gets upset and bitchy towards me, so sometimes I'll just give in and do it so she won't be mad but I try not to encourage her. And then there are times where I agree to do something but then later have a problem with it or just have changed my mind and no longer what to do it and then she gets really bitchy and pissed off. I tell her that I can't help it I just don't wanna do it or I just don't have any interest in it or I am doing something else but it doesn't stop her from getting pissy. And whenever I bring it up she just gets pissy and is like okay whatever and completely shrugs me off.

I don't really know what to do and I don't have much experience in dealing with peoples issues and such so I am hoping someone reading this does.

[fenris]

I think thats the "And if I don´t get what I want... you are in trouble" method ... very unfair ... you should find really clear words at next time she does it .... she has to learn that you are gay ... not her puppy. She use "to get pissy" to get her will.


I had nearly the same with a Women in the neighbourhood ... "can you do blah" NO I can´t ..and if you start to cry I kick you out....I´m not straight... a crying women doesn´t bother me"
she never does....

[marshlander]

Good call, fen. No these manipulative power games can be a nightmare. Know what you think, say no and stick to it. It'll be hard at first because you are obviously such a nice chap, but she doesn't deserve you, even though she's got you exactly where she wants you.

[MegaFullbuster]

Yes I guess I should just really try my best to think out some nicely worded sentences so I can get my point across without offending her.
But I don't think I can just kick her to the curb, she is one of my best friends after all.

[marshlander]

... she is one of my best friends after all.

She doesn't sound like it. Real friends aren't so needy. Of course you don't have to "kick her to the curb", but you need to be firm.

[MegaFullbuster]

Well I think I made her sound worse than she actually is.
I mean this is just one problem that I have with her and I know there are things about me she doesn't like, but we never stay mad at each other for long.

But you are right I do need to be firm, I always let things go cause I just don't want conflict, it makes me uneasy. I think I will sit her down sometime soon and we will just have a long talk about all our issues, hopefully it will help.

[fenris]

Yes I guess I should just really try my best to think out some nicely worded sentences so I can get my point across without offending her.
But I don't think I can just kick her to the curb, she is one of my best friends after all.

no need to kick her ... but show her that you both have the same right... at first she would try to fight against you, but don´t get weak and don´t fight... go home or whatever and she calms down after a while ....

[posterpicture]

It 's so nice to have a fag hag. I wish I have one right now.

Well, I was like that with my best friend for a while. If he did not do something that I wanted, I started crying like a baby. But then over the time, our friendship grows stronger and gain more understanding. Now it does not happen anymore.

So just give it time and give some clear explanations to her

[Sil]

At times like these it's usually about honesty - people would rather hear a direct 'NO!" then a "okay, alright.." and then you end up half-enjoying the thing, and it drags them down.

I'm only saying this because I've done it myself far too weak-willed.

You just have to get used to saying the big N.O confidently and maybe even think of some alternatives for her to think about. I know for me it gets tiring with my hubby always having to make the decisions. People showing a genuine interest things is intuitive, it's a very subliminal thing that people pick up on. You can tell when people aren't enjoying something, or vice versa.

My 2nd rule is generally - look honestly at what you've said and done, do it again, one last time for the details. If you haven't done anything wrong or unreasonable you have no reason to worry and should just let her cool off for a while.

You sound solid though ^_^ I wouldn't worry

[MegaFullbuster]

Yes well now thanks to her rude mother she is living with me haha but I don't mind.
She actually ended up apologizing for doing it this last time so I think it is getting better with time.
And I already think everything I say, do, the way I look at people, and everything over and over again in my head and think of how I could have done or said something better or if it was fine the first time, I think that must stem from some early childhood insecurities or something, odd.

BAH I have too many fag hags, why can't I just get a fag lol

Thanks all for the advice it is very helpful.