So now we have a label for people who hates sexual labels, who thought this one up? I bet someone got a research grant for this one, and problably has writen a paper on the subject. I hate labels, I want to be an individual and a non-label person.
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I also once tried to blame my feelings toward men on incidents in my life. To this day I remember a time in 1st grade during recess. I always hung out with this group of girls and really liked being around them, but then a male classmate once teased me because I only liked to hang out with girls (of course this is before the time when everyone matures and is "supposed" to realize they actually like the opposite sex), so I stopped hanging out with them. I used to think that was when I became gay.
Like you I also always had self esteem problems, so when I'd fawn over a good-looking guy I would tell myself it's not because I'm gay, it's because I long for a body like that for myself. I'm only attracted to him because I want to look like him. Nothing sexual.
Well, both things were just convenient ways for me to avoid having to face my innate sexuality, which is that I am gay, something I have just come to terms with over the past year. So, I think it's good that you are questioning things. Based on what I read you sound a lot like me, and I now openly admit that I'm gay, so take that for what it's worth 
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outandabout Wrote:Like you I also always had self esteem problems, so when I'd fawn over a good-looking guy I would tell myself it's not because I'm gay, it's because I long for a body like that for myself. I'm only attracted to him because I want to look like him. Nothing sexual.
Oh you just reminded me of when I used to do that (when I was younger of course) I had forgotten about it. I used to look at a lot of guys - naked ones whenever I got the chance, and would insist to myself it was just checking out the competition or looking at the kind of body I wished I had.
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guys guys guys !!!
I'm not blaming anyone from my childhood about anything. I was 6 or 7 years old and my neighborhood was 14 to 16 years old it was happening for couple of days, all I remember is that we kissed (or eat) each others ass and last day we did tried to penetrate (well I was the one who was about to be penetrated) but I clearly remember that it did not happened. I'm not blaming him it was made by me he did not forced me.
I don't want label generally I don't care about labels but being a gay for me means to leave my country and move to live somewhere else. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculously but it is true. yes gay people do exists in my country but they still live in underground situation and as I know my self I'm not the person who will live that type of life. I just need to know and because of some facts I cant determine it my self. even finding out that I'm gay or bi (mostly bi coz I like girls  ) I'll have to live country so that no one finds out the real reason.
thing is that by taking label in my country means to hang red aim on your self. I cant even go to psychologist or sexual therapist they just don't exist. well maybe 3 or 6 but visiting them means that everyone knows what you are talking with them.
I do not ask your to tell me "you are gay" or "you are not gay". all I ask is,
how big influence can have my childhood incident on my subconsciousness ?
my complex about my body, how influent can it be ?
there is no way to just go and experiment with it "go try see how fare you can go, if fill good go to end if you fill it is not you stop just there " I can't afford that much for my self, as soon as I will cross that line even to talk about it not to have some thing with guy even a kiss. just crossing that line means that I don't have way back.
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From what I've heard, it's possible to gain sexual attraction from an early sexual event: so, if you fall romantically in love with someone of the same gender, call yourself gay or bi. If it's purely sexual, go for heteroromantic.
Or just go for pomosexual, not many people fit into labels nowadays.
Also, do you come from the UK like your profile says? In my experience (ie: being in the UK) there isn't too much stigma. Maybe I've had a good run of it, but we're the place where John Barrowman shook hands with the PM, the stigma isn't too bad, unless you made a mistake in your profile.
Also, go for the physical 'gay test'. It's not 100%-what is?-but it's a thought.
Look at your hands. If your ring finger and index finger are similar sizes, you're more likely to be gay, if your ring finger is longer, you're less likely to be gay.
Hope this helps.
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nakatsusan Wrote:I do not ask your to tell me "you are gay" or "you are not gay". all I ask is,
how big influence can have my childhood incident on my subconsciousness ?
my complex about my body, how influent can it be ?
It can be a lot. Childhood experiences can influence us a lot. They can definitely affect how we view our body.
Since this forum is mostly about sexuality, I'm also going to put that element on to it too. I still firmly believe that any broad sexual component is nature, not nurture. While childhood experineces can affect who we are attracted to in some ways, it does not affect our overall sexuality.
You also talk about not having access to certain things in your country, or it would be very difficult. I'm curious as to where you are. It may help people advise you better. Your profile says UK, but I see nothing that is unavailable to you here. Your grammar and spelling suggest USA and again all the facilities that you have mentioned are available to you there (even more so in respect of certain things like therapists)
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What Nakatsusan is trying to say, peeps, is that he lives in a country where being gay is not an option so if he crosses that boundary, although he likes women too, apparently, he thinks he'll never be able to go back to his country because he'd have to live in a country where being gay is a possible option. That's what I understood from his posts. So really, it's not a label he's looking for but more of an understanding whether he is gay or not, and whether his attraction to men's bodies can have been brought on by childhood experiences and experiments, or whether it is something innate that one shouldn't fight.
I believe that what we are sexually will become determined by many things, but still think there is a basic ground for our sexual orientation. Emotional and erotic experience, and cultural and social taboos or liberalism will make it either something you can accept easily or not. It seems that in Nakatsusan's country the taboos against male same-sex relationships are strong and therefore he might need to move to another country just to be able to experience this sort of sexuality. I think that he's worried about crossing the line and wonders whether it would be worth it. It sounds like moving might be a good idea, then, Nakatsusan. Could you get a scholarship to come and study somewhere in Europe or North America?
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colinmackay Wrote:Your grammar and spelling suggest USA
for this compliment I do thank you a lot. but no, I'm not from UK or US not from America or Europe my country is former member of SOVIET union and is still under soviet mentality
princealbertofb
thank you for understanding me so good and it's funny that you mentioned "scholarship" or something like that is the main aim for my life right now that I want to get (achieve).
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That was what I thought, Nakatsusan... I thought of a former soviet republic, where, I suppose, life could be difficult for a gay man.
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Can't determine myself, am I or not !
