Straight Corporate Male Culture

[mooninleo]

Hey there,

I work for a large software company in the silicon valley. I work with like 20 other people, and they're mostly straight males, mostly asian.

And lets just say I can't stand them. At first I felt respected by each of them.. but lately they all hang out together and act chummy and 'rag' on eachother.. and its like all politeness and respect has flown out the F$$$$ING window.

And i just can't handle it. I hate this. I feel competely ignored for being gay or being special. And i Know its work.. so i'm professional.. .but I can't take the vibe. I'm gonna start sitting closer to all the girls in the office. Being the confident gay man has never come easy to me, as i'm usually pretty polite kind and quiet.. but UGH. these guys are aweful.

Anyone else deal with this? I can't take feeling like because i don't fit into their shitty group, that this means i'm better than them. Its how they act, competitive and cool.

Uggggggggh. What to do? thanx.

[fenris]

A bad situation...
This Problems I never had because I´m a very loud person... maybe you should do it the same way. Maybe they can´t handle you and If you are a quiet person they can´t find a point to contact you, the same at your side, you are quiet and you can´t handle them ... this starts a circle ... you are quiet ... they are shy ( maybe a bit homophobe ) and the longer this situation exists, the more difficult it is
Try to be much more open ... maybe ask them, where is their Problem with you... don´t separate yourself, look for 1 or 2 of them and try to get in better contact with them, ask them things, help them, ask for help.....
For me it looks like a communication problem.... so you need to get more contact.

[Aaycle]

Hey, mooninleo, from experience, I have learned that people segregate for three reasons:

1. Jealousy (you're too good, for them)
2.Fear of Association (meaning {in your case} hanging with you could out them if they are gay)
3.For no reason at all--they are arrogant, hateful, runts.

I usually hold my head up high, smile while giving them a mental--fuck you!! Don't waste time compromising, or integrating, at the end of it all, they will still think they are better than you, and perhaps, even make fun of you in your absence.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

Mostly straight means what? Is some are not or are you just guessing . Regarding the majority of your fellow workers, which you state as Asian. This is a group thing, whether its Asians, white or black etc. most will form a group and feel a common bond with each other. The group will often pick on outsiders, being gay and shy makes you are a very easy target. Its like being back at school, but now you are adults, some will not grow up. Dealing with it is important if you wish to stay with the company and move up the ladder. Develop a strategy to overcome their attitude towards you, find the people who don't ignore you and make friends with them. You have to make the effort to stop being the outsider, even with arseholes you need to find a way to work with them inside the office. If you can not, then move companies.

Good luck m8.

[eastofeden]

Inside of the title a"Straight Corporate Male Culture"...I think you can just say "Corporate" and you pretty much have the dynamics of the corporate workplace as you described.

I worked for a corporation once..also in Silicon Valley...for maybe two years...and I realized I was not well adapted to a corporate climate.

If you must stay there...I would repeat to myself "It is none of my business what anyone else thinks of me one way or the other" until you really believe it and then never give them another thought.