Round and Round I Go. I need to de-straight.

[portugal_the_man]

Alright, I have a problem where I mack on straight guys at work because I'm too shy and scared to meet a gay guy. The major problem is that I invest a lot of time and energy and (sometimes) money into these 'straight' conquests, and inevitably and expectedly always end up hurt.

I just got hurt real bad the other day. A work-friend that I've been in love with for 2 years dropped an atomic text-message bomb on me. Like I said, we're friends at work, and he talks to me a lot, he never mentioned girls, so I thought there 'might' be a chance. I go out of my way to do anything and everything I can do to help him, and he recognizes it and appreciates it. I'd been talking to him a lot recently so I had been pretty upbeat, when out of nowhere, we were texting about something and he indirectly mentions that he's been dating a girl for a while, but he never mentioned it because he didn't want drama at work (not from me). I was absolutely gutted, and I died inside. I dropped my phone and took a drive on the turnpike until I ran out of gas.

I know nothing can ever become of us, and that's not my concern. I just don't want to ever do that again. The pain is so intense. I offer so much and get nothing in return. I know it's my fault, but I can't help doing it. I'm too scared to meet a gay guy so I revert to whatever is there (always a straight male acquaintance). Sometimes it gets so bad that someone I normally wouldn't find attractive, after a while I'll start to become attracted to them just because they are 'there'.

Sad, yes, I know.

I've recently started to lurk in gay chatrooms and I've had a good deal of people message me and chat me up, want to meet me and stuff, but I just can't work up the courage to talk to a 'gay' guy. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll easy gravitate towards what is forbidden, and entirely neglect what is accessible.

Help!

PtM

[drocko17]

Exactly why are you scared of meeting gay guys? :S it would be really difficult if you face straights.
BTW, I recently saw in the forum another user from Beverly USA (dunno if was you but i think it was another guy), look up him in the members list!

[portugal_the_man]

Exactly why are you scared of meeting gay guys? :S it would be really difficult if you face straights.
BTW, I recently saw in the forum another user from Beverly USA (dunno if was you but i think it was another guy), look up him in the members list!

The whole meeting face-to-face in general. I guess I just fear rejection. I figure that if I'm friends with a straight guy, I can't be 'rejected' if I'm a 'friend'. It's only when I try to be more than a friend that I get hurt.

With gay guys, I'm just don't know how to approach. What reaction I'd get.

I saw that guy from Beverly. I sent him a message. Thanks, hehe.
I don't know if he's from the same state. There are probably a lot of towns named Beverly in the USA.