Suggestion: the next tie he says " I am not a "faggot". ask him what he defines a "faggot" to be.
some people think it is a feminine acting gay guy. or more indelicately, "Nelly or Queeny ," or other stereo type gays.
possibly: ask him what he meant when he told you you are cute.
It is possible he is sending signals that is "thinks" you may be gay but is unsure.
TALK to him communication and honesty is always the best way.
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Having discussed my post with another member of GaySpeak here, he seems to think that my stance here is a piece of tough love and that my words are very strong. I think it may be a question of differing cultures. Rest assured, dear SomeoneSomewhere, that my intentions were only to give you credit for being more grounded than your roomie. Also, I was hoping to give you the courage to own up to whatever it is that you feel for this guy.
Here is what I wrote and would like to stick to:
My opinion is that this man doesn't know his own boundaries and that he's definitely encroaching into yours. You said in your post: "He knows I'm gay" but it sounded as if you meant he didn't know... Which is it? He knows or he doesn't know? You've not told him, who has?
Maybe his behaviour is sort of light teasing or maybe some form of bullying. Maybe he has no idea that you find him attractive, except that you flirt back with him. A lot of people don't know what defines faggot exactly, as Mr Not So Lonely said, but have a preconceived idea that it's someone not manly and certainly too "lame" (for want of a better term). Maybe he's still in that stage of being gay when one can't quite decide if one is or isn't attracted to one's own gender and when crossing that boundary of admitting it is still a tricky option.
So many things can go on in someone's head in terms of sexual orientation and desires. Many a man won't mind having sex with another man but will not cross over to calling himself gay.
In the meantime, this is not giving you either clues or much choice in future moves. I would personally go with the saying: "Don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you." and I'd ask him to stay clear of me if he didn't want me to do the same to him. If he brushes past you, tell him off. Keep your own space, he's invading it. Now the question is why is he invading your space? Is he teasing, is he looking for a reaction that would lead to something else (my idea is that if he is, he's too shy or too cowardly to deliver), or is he actually taunting you (but then it's a form of bullying)? I'm not sure you are giving him the right signals even if he is definitely crossing some boundaries. What do you actually know about him? Why don't you confront him about not having had a girl friend for over 10 years? If he's about your age that will mean all of his adolescent and early adult life... won't it? Either he's not looking for female company, or he's very unlucky.
I know you find him attractive and would long to kiss and cuddle him (maybe more) but if you have any self respect, you need to tell him plainly that you can't have him act like that, and that too close is too close.
Do you think he is calling YOU a faggot when he denies being one? Which of you two is the bravest? Will YOU tell him that you find him attractive? Is he as shy as you and is afraid of being confronted with a refusal on your part, in case he too were attracted to you but did not dare tell you more than the fact that you are cute? When did this thing come up about you being cute? Out of the blue, or on a day when you were feeling despondent and he was just trying to cheer you up? If you've not had a girlfriend either, he could have picked up on that fact and that's an indicator probably that you are batting for the same team... Just guessing here.
One of you has to make a bold move about telling the other off, or telling the truth, or admitting an attraction. For the moment he's definitely playing with your comfort zone and that's just not right. Tell him so.
Reading through my post again I realise this is something about self esteem and confidence. One of you needs to show more confidence in being who he is and give himself more credit for who he is rather than who he is not. I think confidence is a very attractive quality in a man, or woman. Maybe he's waiting for you to be braver than he'll ever be?
Good luck with this, whatever the outcome. He may not be the right man, don't waste time on him, if he isn't.
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