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I give up on my sexuality...
OK, I just got into a slight fight with my mom a few minutes ago. After two freakin' years, she STILL is not convinced that I'm gay. She told me and I'll quote her, "I know who gay people are" and she tells me how she has gay friends. She's thinking about committing me, it has gone that far. I go for counseling and one of the things I bring up is my sexuality. She claims that psychologists don't know. Another thing she's thinking is that I'm not gay is because I'm a fuck-up and because I don't have a job. She believes that me not getting out enough, she thinks it's all in my head that I'm gay. What the hell should I do?!

Sadly at this point, I'm now having second thoughts over my sexuality. I dunno what I've done and it all stems back to March 2008 when I got into a relationship with another guy and you know how that ended up. Yeah... I have no idea what to do. She will be stubborn and she will always insist on me not being gay. Here's the thing... I am gay and that's what I identify myself with. I refuse to going back to believing I'm straight and shit like that.

My humble opinion, Cutieboy. I'm sorry if my reply is a bit hard on you.

We can't satisfy everyone's mind. If one person insists that he/she is right even though he/she is wrong, ignore and move on with your life. Don't waste your precious time again and again to try to convince your mother that you are gay.

The only way that probably can help your mother change her mind is by introducing her to your (current/future) boyfriend.

Cutieboy, is it difficult to secure a job in your place right now? Does the recession still have a grip on the economy? I would humbly suggest for you to try to secure a job and (if possible) move out from your family's house. I highly recommend you to move out. It's not going to be easy at first but there are a lot of advantages including:
  • You can prove to your mother that you are independent
  • No more headache from listening to your mother etc.
My apology if my answer sounds rather harsh but life and reality can be really difficult. So it is crucial to take control on your life, bro.

Thanx. I also forgot to mention that she's totally convinced that I'm not gay based on porn she found on my computer 4 years ago. That was four years ago! It was straight porn and I don't have it anymore. She is really starting to get to me. Another thing too... she thinks I'm lonely and I got into a relationship with my past boyfriend due to loneliness. Well I am totally lonely without him, yes. That doesn't really help at all.

I second moving out, if possible. You need some positive influences and experiences in your life. If you start up your new life and get it on track (get a job, rent a place, become financially independent), then I think you will start to feel better about yourself. With that, your mom may come around too. But don't do this for her, do it for you! Because it seems like you're ready for a change.

It's probably hard to forget about your last boyfriend. Take the good experiences you had with him and look forward to more good ones with a new guy. You live in NY... a HUGE gay community is right outside your front door. There are tons of opportunities. You have to make yourself available though.

At 26, if you're ready, it's time to start living on your own. For your own good! You will grow a lot as a person and not have to worry about pleasing your mother. We're Americans anyway, we don't need our mommies doing our laundry and feeding us lunch till we're 30. haha.

People are gonna think what they're gonna think. And sometimes they never come around, and sometimes they do. Also I third moving out if you're able. Maybe after some space you're mom will come around. Good luck though.


The only person who truly knows you, is you.

People change (you were straight, you're not now). Sexuality is complex and confusing. No one can truly KNOW someone elses sexuality.

Are you gonna spend all your time convincing your mother? What does it MEAN to you to have her know your true sexuality? Maybe she does know, but she might be in denial?

Thanks to everyone who has responded. While I'm still living with my mom, I guess I won't say anything about my sexuality. It would help if I did find a new boyfriend or even better, my last one comes back (I have a feeling it'll happen due to the fact that I see him lurking on my profile on another forum, we'll see...) and he definitely backed me up with my sexuality. Well that's if we get back on good terms and he gets his life in order more. He had strong feelings about homosexuality and he advocated it, he would help me out... even if we don't get into romantic relationship again. He was quite outspoken about it. We'll see what happens.

Here's the thing, you are gay, despite what your mother says. Sounds like to me that she's having a hard time accepting you. See sometimes with parents they might be able to accept someone else for being gay, but they have a hard time accepting their own child. As long as you know who you are that"s what matters the most.

You're totally right, 40homo. I thought she accepted back in October 2009, but now things are back to the way they were when I came out to her back in October 2008.

I dunno what I have to do to prove it... jack off to gay porn right in front of her?! Of course I would not do that and I'm actually turned off by gay porn a lot. Porn in general turns me off.

You've told her. She's the one that has to process the information now. Any further action by you risks "rubbing her nose" in it - unfortunately, a phrase many of us have heard often and one that doesn't seem to apply when the situation is reversed in Str8sville!

If you can, I would carry on as though it's all okay. Just act normal, or whatever passes for normal, in the QTBoy house including, when the time comes, bringing a man home to meet mother Wink

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